My Heart Back to Me
by roselefontaine
Summary: On an away mission, Will Riker loses a crew member. When he returns to the ship, he finds no one remembers a Deanna Troi. The story that follows is one of loss, devastation, hope, and finally resolution.


"Everything is as it should be" Will Riker thought, as they went about their business on the bridge. Deanna was talking to Geordi, her back turned away from him. Worf had returned to deep space nine, and Data was at Ops. Beverly was in sickbay, and the Captain was taking a call from Starfleet in his ready room. It was….boring. Will had to think the thought. He rarely wanted to admit to himself that traveling through space, exploring the stars could be…boring. He sighed. If only he could get Deanna alone; their "kissing sessions" as of late had been quite exciting. He smiled to himself. After the effects of the Briar Patch had worn off, he and Deanna found that they were still in love with each other. Again. And so they had rekindled their relationship, heading towards marriage. He had never been more in love in his life. They'd been through so much, but when they finally came back together it was like she was his breath. His heart. His very soul. But, for all the pomp and circumstance of that, their travels had grown stale with not much more coming up in a month's time than a simple blue nova a few light years away. Will had great hope that the communiqué from Starfleet would send something exciting their way.

Captain Picard strode quickly out of the ready room. Ensign, change heading, set guanta sector, mark 445.3, warp 9. "Course laid in sir" the Ensign replied. As the Captain sat in his chair he pointed his fingers out in his characteristic salute. "Engage".

"So their science vessel crashed, and there was too much radiation for a rescue. They're missing one of their crewmen, and they've asked for our help. "Do you think he's still alive?" Riker asked. "That depends, Number One" the Captain replied. "Geordi?" "Well" Geordi said rising from his chair in the ready room and heading towards the viewboard "it looks to me like the radiation was temporary. Almost like a vortex that passed through the place where the vessel crashed." The readings on the board indicating what he had said. "I don't have an explanation for what it was, but it was so quick, the crewman's suit should've protected him. I'm hoping we can find him when we send an away team down there." "Any chance of the radiation coming back?" Dr. Crusher asked. "We don't have guarantees of that Doctor" Data replied, but my experience tells me there is only a 1 in 3,012.4 chance, and I think that's good enough to attempt a rescue." "Ready your away team, Number One" the Captain looked towards Will. Will nodded. "Geordi, Data, Counselor, you're with me". Deanna rose, glad that she could be part of the team. She knew immediately why he'd recruited her. They would need her empathic abilities to locate the crewman. They exited the ready room and headed for the transporter room. Just as they turned the corner, Deanna yelped. Data and Geordi turned to look at her, concerned. "Counselor, your face has turned a deep shade of red. Are you feeling OK? Should we take you to sickbay?" Data inquired. "No, Data, I'm fine" Deanna sighed. _"Keep your hands to yourself, Commander_!" Will heard in his mind as Deanna discreetly rubbed her backside. Will laughed to himself, glad to be with his Imzadi, glad to be going on an away mission.

The transporter beam faded away and they found themselves standing on a barren planet, not much more than dust, wind, and caves. "Deanna?" Will asked. She stood silent for a moment, then turned toward a cave several meters to their left. "Over there!" she pointed as she headed that way. "I can feel his essence, he must still be alive". They walked at a hurried pace, tricorders in hand , and reached the cave. Data entered first to be sure it was safe. The walls were smooth and there was little light. But the cave was not deep and Data explored it entirely. When he came out he addressed Deanna. "I am sorry Counselor, but I could find nothing". "But I…" Will stopped her and asked "Should we explore elsewhere?" "I don't know Will. It wouldn't hurt, I suppose." Frustrated and a bit confused, Deanna followed the others as they looked in all the caves around, most of them shallow, all of them empty. With nothing else they could do, they had made their way back to the are best for transporting and Will touched his combadge. "Enterprise, four to beam up". "Did you find anyone Commander?" The Captain asked. "Negative" Will replied. But just before they beamed Deanna felt that same strong sense again, and in the same cave she had the first time. "Will! I have to go look. I know he's in there!" Will began to shake his head no, but then realized his Imzadi never pushed unless absolutely necessary. "Alright Deanna, we'll wait here". "Enterprise, stand by". Deanna walked briskly, and then ran as the cave was some distance. When she got there she felt the presence stronger and entered the cave. She looked all around anywhere a humanoid could possibly be. And there, where she felt his presence was nothing, but not nothing, an ever so slight glow, as if an echo of him. Suddenly, she heard a sound, like something flying through the air. Will, Data and Geordi saw it, a slim ribbon of light roaring towards them, destroying everything in its path. "Deanna!" Will screamed as he turned to run towards the cave. "No" Data said as he grabbed Will's arm and instructed the Enterprise to beam them up. "You'll never get to her in time".

On board the Enterprise Data and Geordi walked off the pad as the Captain met them. "We didn't find him" Geordi said. "Alright, I'll notify their ship that the crewman's still missing" Picard said regretfully. "We gave it our best shot". Data and Geordi calmly walked out of the room laughing and talking as Will stood, his mouth hanging open, staring after them. "Will, what is it?" the Captain asked. "D-Deanna!" Will stammered out. "She's still down there! The energy beam…" Will's face displayed the shock and confusion he was experiencing. Captain Picard simply looked to his first officer, perplexed. "Deanna who?"

Will had been in the Captain's office for at least an hour. He was still yelling frantically that he needed to go back down and find Deanna, and Captain Picard was trying to calm him, explaining over and over again that only three of them had beamed down, and three of them had beamed back, and he had never heard of someone named Deanna Troi.

"Commander, if you don't stop this I'm going to have to confine you to sickbay and refer you to our ship's counselor". "Yes! Yes!" Will said. "Our ship's counselor, Deanna Troi!". "Will" Picard said, exasperated, "our ship's counselor is T'mal Palar."

Will returned to his quarters, exhausted, frightened and confused, promising the Captain he would see Dr. Crusher in sickbay to get a sedative and T'mal Palar (who the heck was that?) for some counseling. The Captain thought Will had lost his mind and was deeply concerned. "Dr. Crusher." Will thought. "That's it!" He would go see her. She was Deanna's best friend. He knew time was short if he was still going to rescue Deanna, but he had to find out what was happening. He ran through the corridors at full speed, crewmen scurrying out of his as he whizzed by. He took the turbolift down to sickbay, and entered Dr. Crusher's office comepletely out of breath. "Beverly" he gasped as she quickly stood from her chair. "Will, what is it? Are you alright?" the doctor asked, concerned. "Dee…." was all he could choke out. "Dee? What's wrong Will? Is something wrong with Dee?" she asked again. "Thank God!" Will thought. Beverly remembers her!" "Yes, she's stuck down on the planet….I couldn't save her….the Captain…." Will was still trying to catch his breath. "Calm down Will" Beverly said as she put her hand on his shoulder and gently pushed him down into the chair. "I just saw Dee this morning, she's fine". Will's brows went up in a knit of confusion. "I'm assuming you're talking about Ensign Dee Callister, our school administrator. She's in class now as we speak" Beverly said in a soothing tone. Will's heart sank. "Beverly" he said softly "Don't you remember Deanna? Deanna Troi? Our ship's counselor? Your best friend?" He looked at her with pleading eyes. Now it was Dr. Crusher's turn to be confused. "Will" she said "T'mal Palar is our ship's counselor. I don't know a Deanna Troi". Will dropped his head in his hands, defeated, and with some prodding from Beverly he shared his story. His history with Deanna, their meeting again on the Enterprise, her service there for the past nine years, their reunion, the away mission, the energy beam. The more he shared, the more Dr. Crusher became concerned. When he finally finished he looked up at her and said "you think I'm crazy too, don't you?" "Will" she replied. I know you. You wouldn't make something like this up. But it is clear that something is wrong here. There's never been a Deanna Troi on this ship. You broke up with the love of your life just last week, and broke her heart, I do believe." Will shook his head vigorously as if he did the action hard enough this nightmare would end and things would be back to normal, and he could have Deanna back in his arms. "The only love of my life, the only woman I've ever loved, is down there on that planet and I need to find her". he stated, angrily. "Let me give you a sedative' Beverly said, " and sleep on it tonight, let's see how things are in the morning." "Doctor" Will said. "Feel free to give me all the sedatives you want, but I'll be damned if I'm just going to leave her down there".

Will, feeling more relaxed after receiving the hypospray in Beverly's office decided to stop by ten forward to see if he could try further for information. He talked to Geordi and Data who both insisted that no one named Deanna had beamed down with them. When he checked with Guinan, she had a faraway look in her eyes as if discerning something, but shook her head no. Data found no evidence of a Deanna Troi in his internal ship's database. Everyone he talked to, from the lowliest cadet to the senior officers all had the same story. Even Worf, whom Deanna had had a relationship with, didn't remember her. According to them, a Deanna Troi had never been on that ship. They all knew him, all of their realities jived with his, except for that one fact. The most important fact. As he left ten forward, frustrated, he saw a beautiful Ensign look dejectedly at him with tears in her eyes. " I wonder if that's the woman whose heart I broke last week" he thought, sadly. By the time Will reached his cabin, he had no fight left and fell onto his bed and into a deep sleep. He knew that the Enterprise was staying in orbit around the planet, waiting for the other ship, the one that had lost their crewman, to return and retrieve some of the things left behind on their science vessel. He knew there was some time, and he would talk to the Captain again tomorrow about beaming down to the planet to search for Deanna. As he was sleeping, in his dreams all night long, his mind desperately reached out to find her, his Imzadi, but all that was there was blank space, save for the smallest, tiniest echo.

By the time he woke up, Will was already haflway out the door and headed to talk to the Captain. The Captain was on the bridge as Will entered from the turbo lift. "How are you feeling this morning, Number One?" the Captain asked, cheerily. "I'm fine" Will said. "But I need to talk to you". The Captain bristled at his harsh tone but nodded and said "Data, you have the bridge". They walked to his ready room, with all eyes on Will, some with pity, some with concern.

"We've been over this already, Will. You are not authorized to beam down. It's unsafe down there, and I most certainly am not going to let you risk your life to find someone who's never been on this ship!" The Captain spoke loudly, frustration and authority in his voice. "But…" Will tried. The Captain held up his hand to silence him. "Will, I don't know what's going on here. I don't know what's happened to you. I know you believe you are telling me the truth. But you truth doesn't jive with our truth and I will not let you risk your life on that. Dismissed". Will stormed out of the Captain's office, and the Captain looked after him with sadness in his eyes. Would his first officer, whom he had grown to love and respect, be able to continue his duties? He made a note to himself to check with Counselor Palar if Will had seen her yet.

Will took his seat on the bridge, feeling severely reprimanded and starting to wonder about his own sanity. "Maybe I should see Counselor Palar" he thought, humorously. "I wonder if she has long black hair, ebony eyes, and has the most enticing scent of any woman I've ever known?" Even as he said that, the counselor entered the bridge and took her seat to the right of the Captain. She was tall and straight, Vulcan, with cropped brown hair and pointed ears. She showed no emotion as she stared ahead at the viewscreen. "Nothing at all like Deanna" Will thought. He spent the rest of the day only half paying attention, playing things over and over in his mind, trying to come to some sort of sense of it all. He knew his heart hurt. He knew he missed his Imzadi. He was afraid for her. By the end of the shift, just as the next crew was coming on board, he had made his decision.

William T. Riker had always been the pride of Starfleet. The Captain of the flagship of the federation would have no one else, and Will had served his Captain faithfully and diligently. Theirs was a partnership that was renowned throughout the fleet. Will had been offered Captaincy, the dream of his heart, several times, and he knew he would be offered again. He loved his life, he loved the stars, and he was an outstanding officer, one who shone brightly like the stars he explored. He had been born for this. But all of that was about to change.

In the middle of the ship's night Will got up and dressed, and gathered together what he would need. He didn't know how long he'd be gone, so he prepared for several days. He was in civilian clothing, and the one thing he knew in his heart, was that he would find his Imzadi. He knew she was down on that planet, he felt her, though weakly, and he would find her, bring her home, prove to everyone he was not crazy, and let them see that they were all wrong. Heck, he'd probably be given an award of valor for his bravery, and the Captain whom he loved would trust him again. It would work out, he was sure. Will snuck through the dark corridors, avoiding meeting eyes with the very rare person he passed. He had his armband on and another in his pack to beam both he and Deanna back to the ship. Getting down there would be easy. He entered the transporter room and nodded to Chief O'Brien. "Sir?" O'Brien queried him. "One to beam down to the planet Chief". Riker said as he stepped onto the pad with his gear. "But sir, I didn't receive any orders from the Captain". "It's OK Miles," Riker said in his warmest tone. "This is to be a secret mission, we believe a conspiracy has occurred and the Captain wants me to get to the bottom of it." O'Brien was aware of the hallucinations Riker had been having of a woman named Deanna, and it sort of made sense of a conspiracy theory. But he wondered if he should wake the Captain. "Miles" Riker said. "It was too risky for the Captain to send you orders. Someone may have seen them. This is between you, me, Captain Picard, and Admiral Nechyev". Will had to throw in the last lie to seem credible. In all the years Chief Miles O'Brien had served with his commanding officer, he'd never had reason to doubt him. And, in spite of his doubt now, he reached for the controls and said "Transport beam engaging, sir. Energize."

As the white glitters of the beam began to dissipate, Will found himself again in the same position where Data had grabbed his arm and prevented him from going to Deanna. Everything was the same, the barreness of the planet, the wind, the caves. He immediately turned to run towards the cave he knew Deanna had been in. "Deanna!" he yelled her name as loudly as he could. The closer he got to the cave, the more that miniscule echo of her presence touched his mind. She was in there. He _knew _she was in there. He felt her, if only so slightly. But as he shot through the entrance and began to look all around the shallow cave, he saw nothing there. "Deanna?" he asked into the air. He looked again. He even felt along the walls. But where his heart felt her presence the most, that soft, warm, loving essence of her, there was no one there. He could've sworn he saw a slight glow where she once, he guessed, had been. "Maybe she's somewhere else by now" he thought. So Will Riker began his search. He camped out for several days and trekked through as much area of the planet as he could without completely exhausting himself. He called out her name. He searched the caves. He even prayed that the God he believed in would help him find her. He ached in desperation. But after three, long, dusty, painful days, he came to the inevitable conclusion: Deanna Troi was not on the planet.

Back on the Enterprise, Captain Picard was steeling himself for the duty he knew he'd have to do. His heart was pained, he never thought it would come to this. The entire crew was on edge, waiting for the bomb to drop. By that time everyone knew what had happened, and there was a mixture of regret and sadness in the air. "Captain Picard to the transporter room" Chief O'Brien's voice came over the combadge. Everyone on the bridge heard it. Everyone on the bridge knew what it was about. "On my way" the Captain replied hollowly, as he left his chair and Data took over. The Captain had instructed the Chief to contact him immediately when the only possible conclusion to the scenario had happened. Will Riker had beamed back aboard the ship.

As he was stepping off the pad, despondent, Will could think only of Deanna. Was this the end? Would he be spending the rest of his life without her, with only a memory of her that no one else shared? His heart couldn't comprehend it. It startled him when he looked up and saw the Captain standing there. His Captain. His friend.

"William T. Riker, you have directly disobeyed your superior's orders by beaming down to the planet and now stand in complete insubordination. I am ordering you to turn in your uniform and badge, and return to Fleet Headquarters to stand trial for court-marital." His face was as set as stone. His eyes were distant. His heart was sore.

Will could say nothing. His shoulders slumped. The Captain hadn't even asked if he'd found anything of this "Deanna" he supposedly was bonded to. No one cared. No one wanted to help. He felt totally alone. He knew the Captain was right and following correct Starfleet procedure, but when Will had beamed down, though a part of him knew it was wrong, he thought finding Deanna would convince the Captain otherwise. His heart often overruled his head where his Imzadi was concerned. Will didn't even look up as he took off his badge, handed it to his Captain, and turned and left the room. A stunned Miles O'Brien just stood there, a stalwart Captain Picard turned to leave, feeling that he had just done the hardest thing he'd ever have to do as a Captain. And the worst thing was, there was no reason, no logic, no sense, as to why it had all happened. Will was like a son to him, he'd had to distance himself to perform his duty. But back in his cabin, when he was just Jean-Luc he would grieve at the loss of his friend and first officer. He asked Beverly to join him as she, hurting also at the coming loss of her friend, tried to comfort him.

Will returned to his quarters, devastated. He'd just lost his life, his love, his career. He felt he couldn't function and knew the shame would follow him the rest of his life, deserved or not. How could everything have gone so wrong? It was just a simple away mission, for God's sake. He pulled out his only bottle of talerian brandy and poured himself a glass. After quickly downing the first shot, he threw the glass at the wall, shattering it into a million pieces. Then he picked up the bottle and drank from it, until all was nothingness, until the room was spinning in a pleasant fog, and his heart hurt less, though his head was beginning to pound. "To the non-existent Deanna" he raised the bottle in slurred speech as he fell unconscious on the couch, his hand still holding the bottle. A few hours later he awoke, his stomach wrenching, and knew he had just seconds to get to the bathroom. He lurched from the couch, tripping and falling on his knees, then stumbling to the toilet just in time to empty the contents of his stomach. He had a flash of a humorous memory Deanna had once shared with him about the one and only time Luwaxanna Troi had gotten drunk. " Your mother? Drunk?" he had teased, "isn't she always?" Deanna hit his arm playfully and they both fell back to the grass laughing. They were picnicking on the holodeck. "She was at a party with Mr. Homm. A woman in town who was her nemesis had come, and they had been sparring with each other. My mother had won, of course, but in her frustration she had tried to outdrink Mr. Homm. He ended up carrying her home, and she'd emptied the contents of her stomach on the front porch, with several people of the town looking on. Imagine, the daughter of the fifth house, heir to the holy rings of Betazed, holder of the sacred chalice of rixx, stone-cold drunk, vomiting her guts out in front of the Troi mansion". Will laughed at the memory in spite of himself, as he stood and cleaned off his mouth, and rubbed his pounding head. "The indomitable Lwaxana Troi" he thought to himself as he headed back into his quarters, walking queasily. "Oh my God!" he said out loud. "Lwaxana!" In all the confusion and agony of the past week, he'd never once thought to contact Lwaxana about Deanna. Of course! Surely her own mother would remember her!"

Will stumbled as quickly as he could to his computer terminal and called for Luwaxanna Troi on Betazed. After some time, she came on screen with her usual flamboyance and charm. "William! It's been forever! To what do I owe this honor?" she opined waving her hands wildly. "Mrs. Troi" he said, not sure how to begin. "It's about Deanna". "My daughter?" she asked. "What about her?" Will blew out a huge breath he had been holding, feeling hope for the first time. Luwaxanna, of all people would be his salvation. "She- she's….missing" was all he could think to say. "Oh don't be ridiculous William. I just received a communiqué from her a half-hour ago. Missing from what?" Luwaxanna now agitatedly waved her arms. "Uh…from…." Will was unsure how to continue. "You got a communiqué from Deanna?" he finally sputtered out. "Yes. She contacts me every morning while she's away." "Away?" Hope filled Will's heart. Maybe the energy beam had transferred her somewhere and he could still find her. "Yes, William. Deanna's in the next quadrant for three months conducting seminars on the most recent thalarian virus that's been invading our system." Will's eyebrows rose. This was growing weirder and stranger by the minute. "Can I contact her? Can you give me the signals?" he asked. "Well, William, I can, but why do you want to contact her? You've never even met her." Will's head snapped, he could feel his brain oozing out of its casing. He rubbed his eyes. "Mrs. Troi" he began. "Oh Will, we've known each other too long. Call me Lwaxana". "Lwaxana" he began again. I met your daughter when I was stationed on Betazed more than a decade ago. Remember? We…uh…spent a lot of time together. I told you I loved her". Lwaxana threw her head back and laughed raucously. "Oh my dear sweet William," she waved her hand dismissively "Deanna wasn't here while you were, she was spending time away with one of her cousins on earth. Don't you remember? You spent some time at my home discussing diplomatic strategies. I tried to get you interested in her by showing you her photos, but you were only interested in your career. You never met her". Lwaxana thought for a moment. "Are you having fantasies now about my beautiful daughter, William? Regrets, perhaps?" She winked at him. Will sighed heavily. He should still try to contact Deanna. At least the woman Lwaxana said was Deanna. "Your daughter is most certainly beautiful, Lwaxana" he agreed. "So could I have the signals?" "Certainly William," she replied. "But you should know it will take months to reach her, unless you were here in my home, we have a special link set up. And you know you are always welcome". Will could no longer think straight and his head was pounding more than when he had opened the communiqué. "No thank you Lwaxana, I'm due on starbase 73 by tomorrow". "Suit yourself" she said as her image faded away. Will sighed again, louder this time, and leaned back in his chair, running his fingers through his disheveled hair. There was some hope that Deanna was alive somewhere, but apparently this wasn't his Deanna. Or maybe he wasn't her Will. Oh hell, maybe it was all one big mix-up of characters and players. Maybe it was Q. "Q, are you behind this?" he yelled angrily into his room. But there was no response. Will leaned back in his chair again, and within minutes, he fell back to sleep.

Not only did Will have to walk by his crewmates in shame and embarrassment on the way to the transporter room, not only did he have to leave the family he loved and had grown close to behind, not only had he lost his sweet Imzadi, but on top of everything he had an unbearable hot dagger shooting through his neck from the way he had slept in the chair the night before. And he couldn't even ask Beverly for a hypospray. Well, he probably could, but he was too embarrassed. Some of the crew members had tried to say goodbye to him, but it was awkward, and he knew all the time that they thought he had lost it. Like the rare Starfleet officer who had faced horrific tragedies or unbearable torture and had gone certifiably, totally and completely ballistic. Except he hadn't faced anything like that, so they saw him as even worse. His walk to the transporter room was devastating for a man of his stature. He had turned in all his Starfleet items to the Captain earlier that morning, and in a painful and awkward situation, tried to say goodbye. The Captain was obviously shielding himself from the grief. They had left orbit to deposit him at the starbase nearby, where he would beam down and then catch a transport shuttle to earth. He could fight this, but he knew he would lose. He had no evidence of his Deanna Troi, except a piece of his heart. And he could hardly reach down and rip that out of his chest to show everyone as proof. His life was over. Will Riker had never been one to become despondent, but as the transport beam took him away and the last thing he saw was the sad look on Chief O'Brien's face, he felt a despair like he'd never known.

Will awoke feeling tired, having slept fitfully the night before. He was in his apartment on earth, the spartan quarters assigned to disgraced Starfleet officers. He had arrived last night after a long and uneventful shuttle ride, and had an appointment with Admiral Necheyev this morning. He'd thought about running, but what would that get him? He'd still be disgraced and court-martialed wherever he was, and he'd be labeled a coward as well. He thought of Deanna; his heart ached every hour of everyday. After all that had gone on between them, after everything they'd been through to arrive at being in love and together again, and now this. Now she was gone. He gulped down his despair, tugged down his shirt out of habit, and left to see the Admiral.

It was only the next building, but the walk felt like it took forever. Will watched as everyone passed by on the grounds of Starfleet headquarters, wishing he could be them. They all seemed so happy. The greenery was lush, and the sun was bright in the sky. How would he rebuild his life? Could he, after this? What career could he possibly have now? "_Oh, Imzadi_" he cried reaching out for her mind as he always did.

"Have a seat Will" the Admiral said. They'd known each other for a long time, she'd had utmost respect for him. "You know what's coming. You know everything I'm going to say" she said to him. "Yes" he said softly as his eyes followed the lines along the floor. "Will" she prodded. "What happened?" "What? Didn't you get the Captain's glowing report?" he snapped at her, sarcastically. He no longer had a taste for appropriate protocol. He was no longer an officer. "Will" the Admiral continued softly "you don't need to lash out at me. We've worked together a long time. I'm not out to get you, but I have to follow regulations. Before we make a final judgment, I just want to hear your side. I'm concerned for you." "Everyone's concerned for me!" he yelled back. "Well I'm concerned for me too! I'm concerned for Deanna! Deanna Troi! My partner and a Starfleet officer!" he barked back. "Very well" the Admiral sighed, knowing this was not going anywhere. "I'll take your written report to the council. And Will" she looked him very seriously in the eyes "I highly recommend you see Starfleet's head of counseling. She's really very good, the best we have. I'd hate to see you throw your entire life away because of this". "Go to hell" he mumbled under his breath as he left her office. The Admiral shook her head and sighed. "Poor Will" she thought to herself. "What a waste".

Will was getting to know the dive bar on the other side of town pretty well. He visited nearly everynight. He could hide there, with a bottle, drunk friends, and many women who would gladly be with him, though he no longer had a taste for that kind of life. He felt if he could drink enough, get drunk enough, he could extricate Deanna from his heart, his life, his memory, and he would no longer have to hurt. "You sure you wanna do this again?" asked Frank, the bartender who had become Will's friend over the months he had been there. He didn't know Will's story, but he knew it was a sad one. The guys in the bar loved Will, his sense of humor and his wit. The women loved him too, but he turned them all away. He was a lost and lonely man. "What, no love for the shad and dishgraced shtarfleet officer?" Will slurred. "Oh, I love ya man" Frank said "but I hate to see you ruin your life." "my life'sh already been ruined" he slurred again. "Pour me another drink!" Frank obliged, but clucked his tongue. "Will," he began, "you've been here for two months. It's nice that the fleet at least gives you quarters and enough credits to get by, but what are you going to do? You can't get drunk forever". "Oh yesh I can!" he smiled as he raised his glass before downing another shot. Though, in truth, in his sober moments, Will had given thought to what he would do with his life. After that one night. After that one, nearly fatal night.

He'd received word of his official court-marital through fleet private communiqué. The council had reviewed all the reports, including his own. They felt they'd had no choice but to dismiss him and question his mental health. It wasn't that he wasn't expecting this, but to see it in print, to remember the past two decades of serving Starfleet and the very essence of his being having been that service, it tore him to the core. He had nothing left to live for. He was so very alone. "_Imzadi_" he reached out to her again with the all of the ache in his heart, but nothing came back. As tears streamed down his face and his hand trembled, he reached for the hypospray; he'd spent enough time with Beverly Crusher to know the exact mixture that would make it quick and painless. He'd downed enough shots of liquor to give him the courage he needed and he was ready. Perhaps he would join his Deanna somewhere, in some space, in some time. That was his only hope. But just as he placed it on his neck, a sense came to him. An odd sense, first of confusion, then of regret. He saw the energy beam in his mind, the one on the planet that had taken his Deanna away. It was almost as if it was alive. Almost as if it felt regret at what had happened to Deanna. The sense was enough to give him pause, to shock him, to cause him to realize what he was doing. "Was this what Deanna would've wanted?" he thought. Slowly, he dropped the hypospray to the floor, lay down beside it, and sobbed like a baby, in the darkness, letting out all his grief, all his fear, all the horror at what he had almost just done.

"Frank?" he said, as the drunken stupor was beginning to over take him. "Yeah, man" Frank replied, sneakily sliding the glass away from underneath Will's hands. "You think I could be a writer?" he asked. "Of course Will" Frank patted his hand "you can be anything you want." "No, really" Will continued, still slurring his speech and waving his hand wildly across the space "Here I am in one of the most beautiful shities of the world" (Frank grinned at the faux pas), "Shan Franshisco, with time on my handsh, and God knowsh I've been through enough bizhare things that I'd shertainly have a shtory to tell…" Will tried to stand but leaned heavily towards the right as Frank caught his arm. "Ooooohhhhh" Will groaned. Frank came from around the bar and caught Will, guiding him gently towards the door and hailing a shuttle taxi. "Will," he said seriously "you're my friend. I want to see you succeed. If you think you can be a writer, I say you should go for it. Anything would be better than this". And with that, he shuffled Will into the taxi and squeezed his arm. "Besides," he continued " you could use a surname. No one would have to know who you are". Will smiled lopsidedly at that thought as his head bobbed from side to side. "Thanksh Frank" Will said. "Don't mention it" Frank replied.

And Will did think about it. It was the first glimmer of hope he'd felt since he lost Deanna. He could stay in his quarters during the day writing, and he could still visit his friends in the bar at night. It was something new, but he did remember as a boy keeping a journal. He was always adventureous, and he loved recording all his adventures. For two months Will had been hopeless and despondent, he had let himself go, not bothering with the normal everyday things of life. He got drunk a lot, slept a lot, didn't shower or bathe much. It was a wonder anyone befriended him at all. He had lost hope, and didn't care. But now, with the first breath of air he felt he'd taken in a long time, he intended to change that. He was William Riker, after all. Not one to give up so easily, even in the face of insurmountable odds. It was a first step the next morning, that he even bothered to pick up his clothes. Then the next day he took a shower. The day after that he headed into town to pick up some PADD's. Instead of replicating the junkiest food he could come up with, he began to cook for himself again. One night he even invited his friends from the bar over for some of his omelettes. It took him another whole month, but he began to get himself straightened out, little by little, building on the hope of a new purpose, of the preciousness of life. His Imzadi would want that. There was one final step he knew he needed to take to heal from everything, but he had dreaded that, avoided it like a plague. Even told himself he didn't need it. But he knew deep down that without counseling, he wouldn't get completely better. Even if his Deanna was something he'd imagined in his mind, he knew he could still get better with intensive therapy. But he was afraid. Afraid to be in a counselor's office again. Afraid of anything reminding him of her, of their life together, even if it had been a figment of his imagination. It was too raw, too dark, too painful.

Three months had passed on the Enterprise, and Data was breaking in well as the first officer. Captain Picard knew he could always count on him. Dependable, reliable, and dearly loved, but he was not Will, The Captain missed the devilish grin that used to smirk beside him, the valiant strength that was devoted to him, the easygoing manner of Will. No one spoke of him except in hushed silence in the corner of ten forward, a turbolift, and occasionally after a senior staff meeting. "I miss him" Beverly would mourn. "Yeah Doc, we all do" Geordi would agree. "I understand his disgrace "Worf growled. The Captain would listen stoically, then return to his quarters with his own kind of grief. One day, when he could take it no longer, he contacted Admiral Nechyev. "To what do I owe the honor, Captain Picard?" She smiled into the viewscreen. "Checking up on my former first Officer, Admiral. Any idea how he's doing?" The Admiral frowned for a moment, then said "Jean-Luc, I know he's still living on the grounds, but no one has seen him in the three months he's been here. He's refused to get counseling". "That's why I called" the Captain said. "I was thinking…." "Oh no, Jean-Luc, I sense a plan hatching out of misdirected compassion"… The Captain only smiled. "Well, Admiral, we do have civilians serving aboard the Enterprise. I don't think it'd be too hard to find an area where Will could serve, provided his mental state is stable enough". "I don't know that it is, Jean'Luc" the Admiral said, regretfully. "Could you try and pressure him again to get counseling, mention that maybe we might have a job for him?" The Admiral smiled. "You always were an old softie, Jean'-Luc. I'll try and talk to him tomorrow. Necheve out."

It was all the push Will needed. When the Admiral called, he was shocked. He didn't think Starfleet wanted anything to do with him. When she told him about Captain Picard's offer, he was beyond shocked. When she informed him he would have to get a clean enough bill of mental health from the head of Starfleet counseling, he was agreeable. He would face down his demons.

"Here's to the new and improved Will Riker!" Frank shouted as they all raised their glasses in a toast. "Here here!" Someone yelled. "You ain't gonna stop comin' to see us, are ya?" Another man asked. "No, no" Will assured. "You guys are my friends. You're the ones who have stuck by me. I'll still be here, just with a little less liquid refreshment." "Awwwww!" they all drunkenly moaned. Will laughed for the first time in months. "But I have to pass the test with the shrink" Will sighed. "Aw hell" they all said. "You'll never make it".

Will rose early and showered, dressed, and ate a quick breakfast. There was no doubt, he was extremely nervous. The eternally confident Will Riker was scared to death of going to see a counselor. There were too many memories, too many associations, and he certainly didn't want to have his mind probed. But he realized there was no other way. With a deep breath and a squaring of his shoulders, he headed out the door. When he got to her office, he paused. He didn't know anything about this counselor, not even her name, only that she'd been head of Starfleet counseling division for almost eight years. Admiral Necheyve had made the appointment for him, to help him along. He blushed at the thought of his needing help. "The Counselor will see you now" the man at the front desk said. Will stood and was led back to her office. Just before he turned to go in, he took a deep breath. Then he entered. He saw her, and froze. His head swirled. There, sitting in front of him, was the second most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Her long silky hair shone like a halo around her face, her smile was warm and inviting. Even her lips. "Good morning, Mr. Riker", her voice said sweetly. He stepped forward and cleared his throat. "Have a seat" she gestured towards the chair. "I'm sorry, I'm at a disadvantage, I don't even know your name" he said in the most charming voice he hadn't used in a very long time. "You can call me Sheraya" she smiled. "Or Cousnelor, whichever you're most comfortable with." He could not stop staring at the lightness of her hair, like spun gold, nor the blueness of her eyes. She wasn't Deanna, at least what he'd remembered of his beloved, but she was beautiful, warm, and he knew he'd be spending a lot of time with her. This could work out just fine.

Will and Frank tried a different bar this particular evening, Frank had the night off. "She's gorgeous, Frank" Will opined. "Wow, you haven't even noticed women since ya got here Will, you must really be making progress!" Will laughed, and that sound was growing more and more dear to his friend's ears. "So, does she think you're crazy?" Frank asked. The waitress brought them both lunch and offered another round of whiskey, though only Frank accepted. "Probably" Will said. "But she doesn't say it". Will had been seeing Shereya for a couple months now, and she had been reporting his progress to Captain Picard. At first Will was afraid to talk about Deanna, but he decided to share, hiding only her name as he knew there was another Deanna Troi that existed in this universe, and he didn't want to rip another hole in the timeline, or alternate universe, or whatever the hell had happened, if anything. He began to accept that whether his memories of Deanna were something that really happened or not, they were still him, and if he couldn't eradicate them, he'd work around them. He was beginning to heal, the pain and grief were less, and he was learning to live without Deanna as his only thought every moment. He even had a date the next evening. At his last appointment with Shereya, she'd given him a green light to return to the Enterprise as a civilian servant. She told him she would let the Captain know. "So we're done?" he asked, surprised. "We're done Will" she smiled at him. "So this is it?" he asked again. "This is it, if you want it to be" she answered. He took advantage of the open door she was offering him. "I know a place we could celebrate if you like loud raucus obnoxious drunks, thick smoke, and a little bit of grease here and there". "Sounds like a great place" she rolled her eyes. "It is." He said. "It's called Frank's".

The next morning he rose early. He had an appointment with the head of Starfleet medical as the last suggestion from Shereya, to get a quick physical so he could be ready to go. He wanted to get it over with, as he heard Shereya mention once in their conversations what her favorite flower was, and it was unique, so he wanted to find one to give to her tonight on their date, and he may have to search all over town. When he approached the waiting room he gave his name, and sat down. The look, the smell, everything reminded him of sick bay, and he found himself missing Beverly deeply. He wondered if she'd missed him as much, and looked forward to their reunion once he returned. Though he would be working as a civilian in stellar cartography, helping to chart stars and anomalies, as he would be almost an expert, he planned to write in his free time. It was the best of both worlds. And, who knows? If things went well tonight, perhaps he'd be spending his time off here in San Fransisco. Yes, life was finally looking up. "We're ready for you Mr. Riker" the receptionist said. He'd never get used to not hearing the word commander before his name, but he rose and entered the room. The doctor's back was turned to him and as he looked up, he smelled a familiar fragrance. "Oh my God!" he screamed as the doctor whipped her head around thinking he had been hurt. "D-Deanna!" A glazed look came over her patient's eyes and he stumbled backward into the chair, promptly passing out.

"He simply walked in, exclaimed oh my God, yelled my name, then passed out" Dr. Troi said to Counselor Sanson as she ran the tricorder over him again. This is so troubling, Deanna, he was doing so well" Shereya replied. How did he know my first name?" Deanna asked. "Did you tell him?" "No, Deanna, I don't think I even told him you were a woman. Though," Shereya feigned jealousy "Men do tend to react that way to you when they first see you". Deanna rolled her eyes and smiled as she closed her tricorder. "Everything looks fine. It looks like he's waking up". Will began to awake from yet another dream about Deanna. Even in his dream state he told himself it wasn't real. As he slowly came to and opened his eyes, he saw the most beautiful woman in the world's face staring down at him. "Oh shit". He said. "That's usually their reaction when you tell them no" Shereya laughed out loud as Deanna snorted. "Mr. Riker, do you know where you are?" Dr Troi asked. Will was slightly confused, but then he remembered Luwaxanna's statement "Deanna's in the next sector giving seminars on the thorlarian virus.." and it started to make sense to him. Deanna, this Deanna, was a medical doctor. Not just any doctor, but the head of Starfleet medical. Will put his hand to his aching head, then opened his eyes again to stare at her. My god, she was as beautiful as he'd remembered. She was exactly like his Deanna, right down to the smell of lilacs on her hair. The ache in his heart that he thought he had buried, began to show itself again. "I'm in Starfleet medical" he said, as he sat up and saw Shereya there. "What happened Will?" she asked. "And how did you know Dr. Troi's first name?" Will wanted to blurt out everything, that he knew her name because she was his imzadi, he was madly in love with her and they were supposed to be getting married. But he knew to keep a check on himself, especially if he wanted his mental health evaluation to stand. "Um…I saw it on a communiqué about the tholarian virus that I'd read while back on the Enterprise". It was as good of a bluff as any, and if Will Riker was good at anything, it was bluffing. They both seemed to buy it. It was amazing, Will pondered in the midst of the two women, how the bright light of Shereya in his mind seemed to fade in the stronger light of Deanna Troi.

Will knew he needed to come up with an explanation fast. "I haven't eaten for two days, I think I had the stomach flu" he said. "when I came into the office I felt nauseous and knew I was going to faint, that's why I yelled for Dea…I mean Dr. Troi" he amended. "Will" Shereya reprimanded. "You should've told us". "I'm sorry" he simply said. "Well, I think everything's under control here, thank you Counselor" Deanna said as Shereya turned and left the room, but just before she reached the door she turned to flash a smile at Will, and saw that he was staring intently at the doctor, who in turn was readying her instruments for the exam.

"So you're returning to the Enterprise Mr. Riker?" the doctor asked. "Yes" he replied. I'll be working in stellar carography". "I must say, I'm a little jealous" Deanna admitted to him. "I've always had a fascination with the stars ever since my father told me stories of his travels". "Then why didn't you ever join Starfleet?" Will asked. A sad look came across Deanna's face. "My sister died the year I was going to join the Academy. I was too grief-stricken. A year later, I decided I wanted to become a doctor. I thought I could help more people that way." "You'd be amazed at how many people you can help on a starship, especially in a role like the ship's counselor" Will said. "They have those?" she asked as she began to poke and prod him, running her tricorder, recording data. Will chuckled. "Yes, indeed they do". "I have my psychologist degree, it's needed to be the head of Starfleet medical since even the head of counseling reports to me" she said. "Maybe someday I'll look into it". "You should, Deanna, you should" Will said sadly. Then he gasped, realizing his slip. She stepped back and shot him a deathly glare, no different than the one he'd often incurred from his Deanna. "Look, mister, let's get one thing clear here. We are not on a first name basis, this is not a social call, nor will I go out on a date with you! You are here for a physical only, and you will refer to me by my appropriate title". Will worked hard to stifle the giggle that was about to leave his mouth. Man, was she presumptuous. But she was right. If he thought he could get away with it, he most definitely would ask her out on a date. Probably every man that came to see her did. "My apologies" Will said, acting chagrinned. It's been a difficult couple of days". "Alright she said, running the tricorder over his head and down along the sides of his face, taking brain scans. She leaned in and her hair brushed slightly across the side of his face. He inhaled its fragrance, the familiar one of lilacs he'd first smelled when he'd come in, and twitched, having to stop his hand from reaching out to touch it, to kiss it, to savor it and hold it close to him. No matter how much he told himself this was not his Deanna, he was responding to her. His whole body was responding. "OK Mr. Riker, you'll need to drop your pants". "Pardon me?" he asked. "Your pants" Deanna said. "You'll need to remove them to continue our examination". "Oh God" he thought. Could this get any worse?" He turned away from her and slowly removed them, trying to think of anything that would dampen the natural response he'd had to her. "My, my, such modesty" Dr. Troi teased him. By the time he turned around he was reasonably back to normal, and he had to discipline his brain in the most intent way possible as she ran the tricorder over and examined him. "Everything looks healthy, Mr. Riker" she said as if she'd just spoken of the day's weather. "Good to know" he said as he quickly pulled up his pants and sat back down on the biobed. She turned her back to him as he studied her again. That body, that figure. This was his Deanna, right down to her luscious curves. She wrote a few more things down then turned to face him. "Mr. Riker, I believe you have a clean bill of health. Good journeys on your starship". She smiled and reached out to shake his hand, and as their hands touched her eyes widened, and a look of fear, then uncertainty, then confusion passed by in an instant. Will felt the same thing that she had, an electric current passing between them, something whispering in the back of his mind. He turned and ran out of her office as fast as he could, leaving a confused Deanna Troi in his wake.

"Oh God, oh God, oh God" Will thought as he leaned against the back wall of fleet headquarters, panting. It had all happened so fast, he was still registering things in his mind. It was Deanna! But it wasn't Deanna! It had been so long since he'd seen her and nothing seemed different. All his feelings bubbled up from the well within him, and it didn't take long. He was in love with her all over again.

Will walked along the sandy shores of the bay trying to get his head to stop spinning. The sun was muted today, soft clouds in the sky, the smell of the ocean salty in his nose. All of his senses were heightened. Tonight he had a date with Shereya, tomorrow he was scheduled to beam aboard the Enterprise to start his new/old life, and the woman he loved more than anything in the world would be staying here heading up Starfleet medical. She didn't even know him. Hell, he could've been a janitor and he would've made as much of an impression on her. How could he tell her? "You and I used to be lovers. We were going to get married. You disappeared on a planet. And now you're here!" They'd send him right back to Shereya to start all over again. He didn't see any choice, if he stayed and tried to start a relationship with her, he would lose his job on the Enterprise. She may not like him. She may not want to know him at all. Hell, she probably had every man in the universe running after her. Will sighed deelpy, running his fingers through his hair. His heart was hurting, his brain was confused. He headed home to get ready for his date.

They decided instead to go to the classy bar where he and Frank had been the other night, Will felt it more appropriate for Shereya. He hadn't had time to find her favorite flower, but brought her a beautiful gardenia he had picked on his walk that afternoon. Though his heart was on Deanna, he had to admit, he and Shereya's relationship had really blossomed, and she was delicate and beautiful. They took a seat at the table by the window and he gave her the flower. "Oh Will" she said as she breathed in its heady scent. "I love gardenias!" "It reminded me of you" he said. She just tilted her head and smiled at him. He felt the tiniest flutter in his stomach. He liked that. They ordered the monte cristo sandwiches with the bar's homemade chips. He got his usual brandy, straight up, and Shereya ordered a samarian sunset. "Just like Deanna" Will thought. The bar was elegant, with dark wood and shiny brass like the old bars used to be. Their window overlooked a grassy knoll and just beyond was the ocean, the waves bucking and spraying in the wind. Will felt himself relax as the brandy soothed him. He reached over and touched Shereya's hand while they waited for their food. They talked of everything and Will realized the more time he spent with her, the more he liked her. When their food came they had been laughing so hard at joke he told that it took them a while to calm down enough to eat it. "Dessert?" he asked, after they had finished. "Ooooooo," she said. "I see they have cheesecake!" "What, no chocolate?" Will asked, surprised. "I don't really like chocolate" Shereya responded. Will felt a little ache again. But things were looking up. In this moment, spending time with someone he enjoyed so much, he could see himself boarding the enterprise tomorrow, and returning in several months on shore leave to see Shereya again. Perhaps they could build on this relationship. Shereya saw the thoughtfulness in his eyes and smiled up at him as she reached for his hand this time. He twined his fingers in between hers and they just looked at each other. She found his eyes so blue, like the ocean water in the bay, and it was easy to get lost in them. But just in that moment, something changed. She saw his blue eyes grow dark, like a storm in the harbor. His pupils grew wide, his breath quickened. "What is it Will? What's wrong?" She turned to see what he was looking at, to find Dr. Deanna Troi, the strong, beautiful, distinguished head of Starfleet medical, her friend, being led to a table in the back. She misunderstood what she saw. "Did the two of you have have a disagreement? She asked. " Did something go wrong with your physical?" Will, brought back to reality by Shereya's questions, shook his head no. "The physical went well. She gave me a clean bill of health." he said. "I know she can be headstrong sometimes Will, but underneath it all she's really very sweet. She's a good friend of mine. She comes here everyday for dinner." "By herself?" Will asked. "Oh, you don't know Dr. Troi" Shereya said "She's very independent. She enjoys her solitude and she loves taking herself out to lunch". Shereya laughed and Will raised an eyebrow. It sounded more and more like his Deanna all the time. He glanced back as they both looked towards her table. She sat there, elegant, lovely and mysterious, reading a book and waiting for her meal. "Just wait, Will" Shereya winked, "I give it two more minutes before someone approaches her. Someone of the male gender." They watched and sure enough, within minutes, they saw a man approach her table, apparently asking if he could join her. She looked up and smiled at him sweetly, saying something and gently nodding her head no. He looked disappointed and walked away. "No score!" Shereya yelled as Will chuckled with her. What was bothering him though, was how much he wanted to go over to Deanna himself and ask if he could join her. The more lovely and independent she seemed, the more he wanted to stay on earth, to see if he could build a relationship with her. He shook his head and brought himself back again to Shereya, he just didn't see it as a possibility. "So you have to leave tomorrow." She said it as more of a statement a hint of sadness in her voice. "It won't be long Sher, I'll see you again". The held each other's hands for a few more moments, then Shereya rose to leave. "I do have to get back to the office tonight Will, I have a late appointment, but stay and finish your brandy. I had a wonderful time." Will stood and gave her a big hug. It lasted slightly longer than their last one had. "I'll send a communiqué as soon as I can" he said. "I'm glad I met you. I'll miss you". She smiled up at him, still in his embrace. At that moment Deanna Troi looked up and saw her best friend in an embrace with William Riker. She felt a twinge of jealousy, then her eyebrows knit in confusion. "That's odd" she thought. "Why would I feel jealous? I don't even know him". But she continued to stare, and jealousy she felt. She wished it were her in his arms. She shook her head to ward off the feeling, and returned to her meal.

Unbeknownst to her Will Riker had sat back down and was staring at her. Should he go over and say something? He downed the rest of his brandy for courage. He decided he would. He stood, moving smoothly and quickly towards her table. "I won't ask if I can join you, since I've already seen you turn at least one man away today". Dr. Deanna Troi looked up to see the very handsome Will Riker looking down at her with a lopsided grin. "Then what will you do? Just stand there?" she smiled and joined in the game. "I was thinking about it. It's hard for you to tell me I can't join you when, technically, I'm not asking". For a moment more he just stood there staring at her, smiling, and she sighed, nodding toward the chair, indicating for him to sit down. "Score!" he thought to himself. "Come here often?" he asked, smirking. "Everyday" she said, taking a sip of her samarian sunset. "It's a nice place" he offered. "I find it peaceful in the late afternoon, a chance to get away" she replied. "Except for the men" he winked at her. "Except for the men" she laughed and rolled her eyes. Her heart was finding this man more and more charming by the minute. She couldn't shake the feeling they'd been through this before. "Aren't you shipping out tomorrow?" she asked. "I am" he said, looking down. "I wish I could've gotten to know you better, Dr. Troi. You seem like a nice person. Shereya speaks very highly of you." Deanna smiled and said, "Well, it's an hour dinner break so feel free to get to know me all you want". Will was taken aback at this invitation, and he didn't need to be asked twice. "Well," he began summoning the waiter to order another drink "tell me more about your interest in the stars".

They ended up talking for three hours. At the one and a half hour mark he said "weren't you supposed to leave about a half-hour ago? Don't you only have an hour dinner break?" " I lied" she smirked. "I always say that, just in case the conversation doesn't go well and I need an excuse to exit." "So the conversation is going well" he raised his eyebrows at her and grinned. "Don't push your luck, Mr. Riker" she chuckled.

Deanna had answered his question about the stars in spades. She told him how as a child, she would sneak into her backyard late at night when the stars were out. How she'd stare up at them for hours, thinking how they glittered like miniature diamonds on a crystalline web. She'd stare so hard she swore she could see people moving on the little planets. She wanted to be there, in the midst of it all, joining with those people, living that adventurous life.

"So what happened when your sister died?" he asked. Deanna looked down for a moment, a cloak of sadness shrouding her eyes. "I had already gotten my psychology degree" she said. "I had heard they were just beginning to entertain the idea of counselors aboard spaceships. There was a new program that year at the Academy to test it out, and I was enrolled. Then I found out my older sister Kestra, was ill. She was dying of a disease they thought they had eradicated on Betazed generations ago, but it was returning. They created a new inoculation, but not in time to save her. She was one of the first. It was a slow and painful death. It tore my mother apart, especially after losing my father, and I knew I couldn't leave her. I knew after Kestra I wanted to help people to not suffer anymore. So I continued my studies in the medical field and became a doctor." Will marveled at how much she was like his Deanna, so compassionate, so sensitive. And how her story had some similarities to his Deanna, and some things that were so different. "And do you like being a doctor?" he queeried. Deanna sighed. "Yes, most of the time. But I feel restless, like I should be traveling out there" she nodded up towards the sky "instead of staying down here". Then she clasped both her hands in her lap and slowly looked up at him. "I've never told anyone that before". Will studied her for a moment and then said "Well, if you ever want a reference for a job in space, I can give you a glowing recommendation". She smiled. "Tell me about the counselor aboard your ship" she said. Then it was Will's turn. He told her how his "counselor" sat to the right of the Captain and advised him on various diplomatic issues. How she saw people in her office on a regular basis and helped them through their struggles. How kind, thoughtful, and calm she was and it helped to guide everyone on the ship. How incredibly important she was to the well-being of the crew in space. How much she meant to him. He was, of course, thinking of his Deanna. "You must love her very much". Will's eyes grew wide and he realized for the first time that this Deanna had read his mind. "How did you know?" he asked, a bit embarrassed. He wondered what else she had drawn out from his thoughts, and gulped, afraid of the answer. "It's obvious in the way you talk about her. The look in your eyes". "Oh" Will said, "I just thought…" "You thought because I was Betazoid I could read you mind" she finished. Will nodded. "Actually, I'm only half Betazoid, but I'm not empathic. When I was small, I had an accident that damaged my para-cortex. I lost my abilities to sense others feelings." Will gasped, then tried to hide his shock. "That must be very hard for you". "At first" she replied. "I felt lost, like I'd lost my hearing or my sight, and I was very, very angry. But eventually I grew used to it, and learned to rely more and more on my human intuition". Will smiled at the irony.

"We're closing up folks" the bartender said as he came over to wipe down the table next to them. "Oh my God" Deanna said. "I never realized the time. I do need to get going". Will stood and pulled her chair out for her and they walked to the door. "I really enjoyed talking with you tonight, Will" she said. "I'm glad we got to know each other even this little bit, I know Shereya is very fond of you". For a moment Will thought of Shereya, and hoped she wouldn't mind his spending time getting to know Deanna. It was all a bit confusing to him, his feelings for both these women. But all of that would be solved tomorrow when he beamed back on board the Enterprise. He realized he'd never told Deanna the name of his ship, the flagship of the federation, but figured it didn't matter now.

As they exited and she turned to the medical facility while he turned to head towards his home, she reached out to touch his hand. "Good luck tomorrow, Will" she smiled. And then again, as their fingers touched…something. Something in the back of his mind, something nudging hers with that feeling, that tickling, that electricity. A tiny, almost unnoticed spark. Disconcerted and confused, she turned to leave as Will stared after her. "Deanna" he sighed, and his heart ached.

"I'm sorry Mr. Riker, I didn't think it would be worth waking you in the middle of the night" Admiral Necheyve said as she was talking with Will in her office. He still cringed when someone called him that. He had gone to the transporter area to wait his turn for beam-up when she met him and informed him he would not be going. Then they went to her office. "The Enterprise was called away unexpectedly on a secret diplomatic mission to the neutral zone. It shouldn't be dangerous, but it will take some time. "How long?" Will asked. "Three months" she said. Then they will return to pick you up". Will left the admiral's office unsure of how he felt. He was disappointed. He had focused his energies on the excitement of beginning his new life. Of seeing his friends again. Of being reunited with the Captain. Of exploring the stars. But now, now he had three more months here. Three more months to be with Shereya. Three more months to get to know Deanna. Three more months to be confused about whom he should pursue, what was a wise course to take, how they'd both feel, how Deanna might feel about him. It scared him. All his questions that had been answered for him at his leaving to return to the Enterprise, now swirled about his head, taunting him. At least for now he and Deanna were friends. He felt comfortable with that. He would just have to wait and see where things went.

A week had passed and Will had not seen Dr. Troi. He called Shereya immediately about his staying on earth for several more months, and she had been delighted. They met each other for dinner again, and had a wonderful time. He told her he'd gotten to know her friend a little better, and she seemed happy about that. Now she was attending a psychology conference in Seattle, and he had a lot of time to himself. He would go out into the magical San Francisco nights and walk the beaches, padd in hand, and write whatever came out of his heart. Mostly it was about Deanna, his Deanna, but sometimes it would spill over into the beauty he felt here, the lovliness of the city, the blueness of the ocean. He found in writing that his senses seemed to come more and more alive. He would often visit Frank's and share with the bartender the things that were coming out of his soul

"Man, that's deep" Frank responded one night when Will showed him what he'd written on his pad. "Didn't think I had it in me, did ya, Frank?" Will smiled. "Look Will" Frank teased, "I think you got it in ya, in fact, I think you're quite full of it, but I just didn't know you had that" he said, indicating the padd. Will chuckled and took the pad from Frank and tucked it under his arm. "Give me a shot, Frank, let's celebrate my being here for three more months". "Hey guys!" Frank yelled to the raucous crowd gathered around the bar. "Let's toast to Will!" Hoots and hollers went up but could barely be heard above the din of the rest of the crowd. Will marveled at how a dive bar, complete with dirt, grease, smoke, and sometimes drunken men, could feel so satisfying. He patted his fellow imbibers on the back and they in turn raised their glasses to him. Will felt happy. It was the first time he'd felt true happiness since he'd lost Deanna.

"I'm telling you, it was the most idiotic thing she could've said!" A woman's loud voice, so loud it rose high above the noise of the crowd, caught Will's attention. His eyes grew wide as he looked to the back corner where the voice was coming from. "She told me I was not acting like a daughter of the fifth house! That I was embarrassing her and the family of the second house by postponing again! That I was the, how did she put it? Oh yes, the floozy of Betazed!" Dr. Deanna Troi, the beautiful, elegant, Starfleet commander, was completely drunk. In a dive bar. And yelling for all to hear. Will gasped, and he looked to her companion, one of the men he knew as "smooth Ricky" who often came to the bar. He had apparently offered Deanna a listening ear and she was giving him an earful. How the hell did Deanna end up here alone? Here at all? Will wondered. Feeling concern for her he approached the table and slapped smooth Ricky on the back. "I'll take over from here buddy" he said. "Oh no you won't" smooth ricky said. "She's mine". "She's drunk" Will whispered to his friend, "and I need to get her home." "Well, OK, but bring her back tomorrow, would ya?" Ricky said. "Of course, my friend, of course" Will patted his shoulder as Smooth Ricky stood from the chair and headed towards the bar, and Will sat down in his seat. "Will!" Deanna exclaimed as she swayed in her chair and waved her arms. "Have I ever told you about my mother?" "Many times" Will chuckled "Many times". "Well, you don't want to know her, Will. You really don't". Will smiled and gently rested his palm on her wrist as she looked like she might fall out of her chair. "Deanna, you're drunk" Will said, softly. "No, I'm not" she replied indignantly as she lifted her chin in an aristocratic pose and a most hilarious sense of déjà vu overcame Will. "Yes, you are" he said. Deanna looked down, then looked up at him, sadly. "I thought I was hiding it well." she said. "I thought I was blending in". Will couldn't resist. "Oh you're blended alright". He laughed heartily. "Here, let me take you home". He rose from his chair and helped her up, she stumbled and he caught her, and with his arm around her waist he walked her to the door. When they exited he turned towards Frank and saw him looking at them with an odd look in his eyes.

Will helped Deanna back to her apartment at Starfleet headquarters. One on the top floor where the Admirals lived. A huge luxury apartment with every amenity possible. Decorated in velvet and marble and gold accents. Will was shocked. "I think my Deanna would be jealous" Will thought. This Deanna had certainly made a distinguished life for herself. "Will?" she said, as he gently set her down on her plush sofa. "Yes Deanna?" he said. "Would you call my mother and tell her she's full of it?" Will almost fell on the floor at what he heard come out of Deanna's mouth and laughed loudly. He patted her on the head. "Yes, Deanna, I will". He smiled. "Will?" she asked him again. "Yes, Deanna?" he said, patiently. Do you ever wish you'd made different choices in life?" At this Will became serious. "Yes I do, Deanna, yes I do." With that he helped her to her bedroom, lay her back down on the bed removed her boots, and covered her with a blanket. "Sleep well my lovely doctor" he said softly as he leaned down to kiss her on the forehead. Just before he left her bedroom he turned to look at her and she was fast asleep. "Sleep well, Imzadi" he whispered again as he left her quarters.

Another week passed and Will had wondered at what had driven to Deanna to drink like that. Well, Luxwanna would drive anyone to drink but what specifically was she doing this time? He chuckled at the ongoing similarities between this Deanna and the one he had loved for so long. He had thought about checking in with her to make sure everything was OK, but decided it might still be awkward. He would try in maybe a couple days, maybe see if she wanted to grab some lunch. Shereya was coming home tomorrow and he was looking forward to seeing her. He didn't burn quite as brightly for Shereya as he had for his Deanna, but it was more of a gentle, slow-moving sort of relationship. Like a breath of fresh air. They had a dinner date tomorrow night, and he was taking her to the best seafood restaurant in town. Tonight he wanted to add a few more paragraphs to a story he was writing, one that somewhat mirrored his own life. He used different names, but it was all there in print, everything he'd experienced with Deanna from the day they met on Betazed. He often poured his grief out into his writing. He grabbed his PADD and jacket and headed to his favorite beach. The moon was searing in its brightness and provided just the light he needed to write. He walked along the shore until he found a soft place in the sand to sit. There were very few people around, just the occasional couple strolling hand in hand, nodding to him as they passed by. The moonlight echoed off the water like the shimmering of a transporter beam. "Oh God" he heard someone suddenly gasp as he turned to see an embarrassed Deanna Troi trying to stumble away so he wouldn't see her. "Hey" he yelled after her. "Don't run! I've seen plenty of drunk women before!" She stopped, knowing he'd seen her, knowing if she continued to run, he'd probably come after her. She felt humiliated. No one, no one in her life had ever seen her drunk like that. Dr. Deanna Troi, the pride of Starfleet Headquarters. He stood up and walked towards her, hands on his hip. He looked at her from side to side and up and down. "Well, you seem no worse for the wear" he said. Deanna sighed and plopped down into the sand, her feet underneath her, her dress fanning out across her knees. "I thought I'd be alone here" she said. He sat down next to her, trying to get her to look at him. "Deanna" he began, gently. "We all have our moments that we'd rather no one ever saw. I know I've certainly had mine" he opined. She rose her eyes to meet his. "As bad as that?" she asked. "Oh, let me tell you Miss Troi, you should've seen what an ass I made of myself one time when my crew lost their memories" "Oh do tell" she prompted and he shared with her the story of how he lead on two women, one whom he truly loved, the other he didn't even like, to believe he was interested in both of them, kissing both of them, Then when they crew regained their memories the two women conspired together to taunt him mercilessly, and they never let him forget it. "That is pretty bad, Will" Deanna agreed. "It sounds like you were quite the ladies man". "Was is the operative word" he said. "I fell back in love and never looked back" "Back in love?" she asked. "Yes, with the woman who stole my heart the first time I met her" he replied, looking at Deanna's liquid black eyes staring at him, his heart thumping in his chest. "Something must have happened" she said sympathetically. "Yes, let's just say I don't expect to ever see her again" Will stated. "I'm sorry" Deanna said softly as she reached over and took Will's hand. Again, as had happened twice to them already, tiny little sparks touched their fingers and traveled up their bodies to land in the back of their minds, tickling, touching, prodding. It was the most wonderful feeling to Will, and the most disconcerting feeling to Deanna. But this time, they didn't pull their hands away. They just sat there, holding hands, both facing the ocean in silence. After a few moments Deanna said "Tell me about her". Will sighed. "She was a lot like you" he smiled. "But," he said, changing the subject and lifting his hand away "I want to know what was going on with you the other night". Deanna laughed, her cheeks turning red. "Duty". She said. "Starfleet duty?" he asked. "No, daughter of the fifth house duty". She rolled her eyes and said "if you knew my mother, Will, you would've gotten drunk too. " Will didn't have the heart to tell her he did know her mother. "She is so duty-focused on such old traditions and the way things are supposed to be done. When I don't do them her way, she acts as if I've taken a phaser and blown her world all to hell". Again, this Deanna's colorful language amused Will. "Well, I think it's healthy that you stand up to her" Will encouraged. "Yes, there's something she wants me to do that I'm just not ready yet." "An unpleasant task?" he asked. "No, a pleasant one. And in time, I will follow through". She patted his hand and rose to return to her walk. "How about lunch Saturday?" he asked before she left. She paused for a moment, wanting to be with him but feeling like it was a date and wondering about Shereya. "Yes," she said. "I'd like that".

"Will!" Shereya shrieked as she jumped off the transporter pad and ran to hug him. "How was the conference?" he asked as he tightly hugged her back. "Long and boring" she rolled her eyes "but necessary". Will picked up her bag and said "it's good to have you back". "Will, I'm starving. Can we go eat right away?" she asked. "Of course. How about Wyndmillers?" he asked as her eyes grew wide. "Really?" she asked "That's the best seafood restaurant in San Francisco!" "Nothing's too good for you" he said as he kissed her head. "I missed you". The shuttle-taxi dropped them off in front of the restaurant. After Will paid the tip, he helped Shereya off the taxi and they went inside and got seated. Shereya reached out and placed her hands in his. "So what did you do while I was gone?" she asked. "A lot of writing" he said. "And I rescued your drunk friend from Smooth Ricky" he said. "W-what?" she asked, confused. Will laughed, then shared his story with her, how he found Deanna drunk, helped her back to her apartment, how embarrassed she had been and how they were becoming good friends and meeting for lunch next week. At this admission Shereya balked. She looked at him uneasily and said "Will, be careful. A lot of men start out as friends with Deanna and then fall for her. And they fall hard. They always get their hearts broken". Will was taken aback at her comment. He realized she feared losing him, and he wasn't sure if there wasn't some truth to it. Perhaps he should share with her about his growing feelings for Deanna. But he was still so unsure himself what path he was going to take. He waved it off. "Don't' worry Sher, I'm here with you. Unless you decide to break my heart?" She laughed and squeezed his hand. "Never" she said. And they spent the rest of the day sharing and laughing, talking about the alien speaker at one of her seminars whose third eye she couldn't stop staring at, and how Frank had dropped a large Samarian sunset on the floor of the bar and the rising smoke caused everyone to think a bomb had gone off and evacuated the bar. He walked her back to her apartment and for the first time they kissed, soft, gentle and sweet, and she smiled languidly up at him, as he recognized the look in her eyes. He left feeling uneasy, realizing that his feelings for her weren't growing quite as fast as hers were for him, and he didn't want to do to her what she had been afraid Deanna would do to him. He didn't want to break her heart. Will sighed heavily as he walked back to his apartment. He knew he would have to make a decision soon. And it would not be an easy one.

Will and Deanna met for lunch the following week at Bella's, an Italian restaurant on the ocean. Over creamy fettuccini, crusts of bread, and deep red wine, they talked of many things. The name of Shereya never came up. Neither did the observation that he and Deanna were growing closer. Some glances, certain touches, felt more intimate than just friends. Just as Shereya predicted, Will was falling, and falling hard. Again. But unlike Shereya's prediction he knew that Deanna could never break his heart. He saw that she was falling for him too, he saw it in her eyes, and felt it when their hands brushed up against each other. That same feeling, the same electrical current he'd had with his Deanna; _imzadi_. When they left the restaurant he reached over to give her a hug, and she responded in kind. But when their bodies touched, a jolt rushed through them so strong that Will staggered back on his feet. He saw Deanna's face grow white as a word echoed through her mind, a word she was sure she would never hear. In a panic, she turned, and ran from the building as far and as fast as she could. "Deanna!" he called after her, but she was gone before his voice could reach her ears.

"I don't know Will, something about this don't feel right to me". Frank said to Will a week later. "Do you know her?" Will asked his friend. "Never seen her before" Frank said. "But something just feels" he searched for the right words "out of place. Like someone made a mistake". "Well it's certainly out of place, and perhaps time, Will thought to himself. "Frank, I think I love her" Will said. "And Shereya?" Will shuddered with the sudden guilt that shot through him. "I haven't seen her for awhile. For about as long as Deanna's been avoiding me". "You got to make that right, buddy" Frank reprimanded. "Yes, tonight. We're meeting for coffee. I'm sure she suspects something's wrong." "And the other? The raven-haired beauty?" Frank asked. Will sighed. "I can't seem to get her to talk to me. She hasn't responded to my calls, and when I enter headquarters and she sees me she turns and walks the other way." "Sounds like the lady's confused. You got to make that right, too, buddy". Frank said. Will smiled as he patted Frank's arm. "You're a good friend, Frank. I don't know how I would have made it down here without you". "Me either" Frank smirked, and turned to wipe down a spill on the bar. As Will left Frank's later that night, he said to himself "Shereya tomorrow, Deanna the next day. Then hopefully I'll be on a straight path." But he remembered what Frank said about things being out of place, and a slight shiver went up his spine.

"Damn" Shereya said angrily. "You fell for her didn't you?" Will shot back away from her where they were holding comforting hands, not expecting that response from her at all. "I warned you,Will" she said, here eyes narrowed. Her glare filled him with remorse and he apologized for the fifth time. "Shereya, I'm so sorry. I was trying to handle things right, I really was. But I didn't. I'm an idiot". "you are" she said. Then she sighed. "But I don't regret any of our time together. I kind of knew. I saw the way you looked at her. But I'm telling you Will, you've just set yourself up for heartache. Didn't she tell you?" "Tell me what?" Will asked. "Oh, never mind. It's not worth it. Just don't say I didn't warn you". With that Shereya extracted her hands and rose to leave. They had been talking for an hour and Will made sure he was completely honest with her, even about his own feelings for her. He knew he wouldn't see her again, and that made him sad. "Good luck in the stars, Mr. Riker. Safe journey" she said with a pained voice and turned her back on him and walked out of the shop.

That night Will couldn't sleep. He had made an appointment to see Deanna under a different name, and was glad that this Deanna didn't have her empathic abilities. It was the only way he could see her. It was the only way he could get her to talk to him. The Enterprise was returning in a week and he wanted to know where they stood in their relationship. He wanted her to join him. He wanted her to see the stars. The next morning he ate and dressed early and headed to the fleet medical center. He was unsure of what he would say, except to find out why she had run from him that night, why she wouldn't talk to him. "Mr. Stanford here for my appointment." He said to the receptionist, grateful that it was someone different this time and she wouldn't know who he was. He waited for only a few moments before she saw him in to the room. He'd faked a knee injury that he'd asked the doctor to take a look at. A half-hour went by, as he waited, anxious and impatient, and then suddenly Dr. Troi burst through the door, out of breath. I'm so sorry Mr. Stanford, we had an emergency and I'm running late this….." at last she looked up at him. He quickly slipped himself between her and the door so she couldn't leave. "Hi Doc" he smiled. Her heart began to beat wildy. He had trapped her. Her hands began to shake and she dropped her padd to the floor. "Hey, are you alright?" Will asked. "I knew I had that effect on most women but I thought you were impervious". His attempt at humor only gained him a glare from those big black eyes. "Take a seat Mr. Riker" she said, formally. "Only if you're not going to run" he said, still standing tall and intimidating in front of the door. "Alright" she sighed. "You've got me". They both took a seat and there were a few moments of awkward silence. Then they both started at the same time "Will/Deanna"….."You go first"…."no you go first" finally they both smiled, some of the awkwardness fading away. "Will, I'm sorry I ran out on you back at the restaurant. I just didn't want you to get the wrong idea about our relationship." "Wrong idea?" Will asked. "You mean that we're falling for each other?" "I don't fall" she said, simply. "Mmmm-hmmm" he smirked. "Look, Will, this can't be. I've got obligations…" "As the daughter of the fifth house, heir to the holy rings of betazed, holder of the sacred chalice of rixx?" he continued for her. Deanna looked shocked. "How did you know…." "Deanna" he interrupted her "we all have obligations. Hell, I'm shipping out next week. But I know how I feel about you, and I think I know how you feel about me. You can't deny the bond that seems to be forming between us". Deanna was thoughtful for a moment, a sad faraway look in her eyes. "It doesn't matter". She said, simply. "Doesn't matter?" Will said incredulously. "You don't mean that". "Yes, I do" she said, resigned. "Will, we can't have a relationship with one another". "Why not?" he asked. "Like I said, I have obligations…" Will took a step forward. She was obviously scared and using her position on Betazed as an excuse. "Tell me you feel nothing for me and I'll leave". Will said, as he stepped closer yet again. She looked into his piercing blue eyes that so tortured her, and found herself unable to say anything. "That's what I thought" Will said as he grabbed her wrist. She tried to pull away and backed up to the biobed, her heart beating against her chest. "Don't" she said. "Tell me you don't feel the bond we share, and I won't" he replied. She tried. She really tried to tell him that. But she couldn't deny it. It was true. He stepped up against her body, trapping her against the bed and still holding her wrist. "Deanna" he whispered, "you have no idea what I feel for you". "I can't"….but before she could say anything further he lowered his lips to hers. "Oh god" he thought, having so longed for Deanna since he'd lost her, having so desperately missed her touch, her lips, the softness of her. It was like falling into the abyss all over again. His lips gently pressed against hers and she immediately responded against her own volition. Their breath mingled and he brought his hand from her wrist up to her cheek, then grabbed around the back of her head, pressing harder into her. She gasped and clutched onto his uniform as she allowed her lips to part and he devoured her. A heady mix of love, confusion, and intense passion engulfed them. But before Will could even comprehend what was happening with this Deanna, the one that wasn't his, she abruptly pulled away, their lips suddenly popping away from each other. "I can't, Imzadi, I just can't! " she cried as she turned to run out the door. "Deanna!" Will cried after her, "Wait, what did she just call me?" Will ran to the door and yelled after her again "Deanna, what did you just call me?!" but she was gone, into the night, not to return again.

"So you ship out tomorrow" Frank said. Will nodded. "And you haven't heard anything from her". Will nodded again. "And when you tried to contact her, her office told you she was on vacation". A third time, Will nodded. "and when you went to her apartment, no one answered". "Yes" Will said, solemnly. "Hell, Will, seems like she doesn't want anything to do with you". Will glared at him as if to say thanks for the observation. "She called me Imzadi" was all he said, mostly to himself. "What the hell is an imzadi?" Frank questioned, as he continued wiping glasses at the bar. "It's something I thought I'd only ever have with one woman, the one I lost". "But you got it with this Deanna too?" Frank asked. "Apparently so. And she knows it, and that's why she ran away". "It's something scary?" Frank questioned. "Oh yes, yes it is" Will answered as he swallowed this last gulp of brandy and slammed it down on the bar for another. "Scary and the most amazing thing you could ever feel". Will stated simply. "Don't you think you should slow down, bud?" Frank asked, nodding to Will's empty glass. "You don't wanna be a drunk shipping out for your new assignment tomorrow, do ya?". Will just smiled. "Actually, I'm not sure that would be half bad with the way I'm feeling right now. I lost one Deanna, and now I've lost this one too. By God Frank, I am never going to love a woman again". Frank chuckled at his tipsy friend's observation and poured him a smaller shot this time, as he patted him on the shoulder. "It's the safest way" Frank said as he wiped down the bar and got ready to close up for the night.

"Base to Commander Riker". Will was dreaming that his combadge was talking to him. "Base to Commander Riker!" the voice came louder. "Dang" Will thought. Stop this dream and go back to sleep, Riker!" He rolled over and began to snore again. "Base to Commander Riker!" Will abruptly sat up, breathing heavily, and turned to look at his combadge on the night stand. "Base…" before it could say it again, Will snatched it up and spoke "Riker here!" "Good god" he thought "It's 4:00 am! What could they possibly want?" "Sorry to disturb you sir, but the Enterprise has arrived ahead of schedule and is requesting you to beam up now". "Oh man" Riker thought, his head still foggy from the night before. "On my way" he said into the combadge as he hopped out of bed and promptly fell onto the floor, the sheets having twisted around his feet. "Shit" he said as he wrestled himself free and stood up, only to sway with dizziness. "Dang" he thought again as he inhaled deeply and tried to calm himself, the way Deanna had taught him. "Deanna" he thought, as a burst of pain traveled through his heart. "I'm leaving her again". Will instantly slumped back down onto the bed, the weight of his situation finally catching up to him. He was about to begin a new life and a new job with his old friends, but without Deanna #1 and without Deanna #2. And with Deanna #2, had had no idea why not. He'd lost Deanna twice, and his heart couldn't bear anymore. He would either bury himself in work or drink, his head telling him the former and his heart telling him the latter. He thought again of maybe staying and trying to find Deanna, but realized that his former Captain was beyond gracious by giving him a second chance as a civilian aboard his ship, and if he turned this down, he'd never have a chance like this again. With a heavy heart and throbbing head, Will got himself dressed and packed and headed to the transporter terminal.

The terminal was teaming with people, even at this early hour of the morning. It was the hub for most of the comings and goings on this segment of earth and for Starfleet Headquarters. Will was more awake now and was standing in line awaiting his turn for one of the transporter pads. It would be good to see everyone again; he imagined a firm handshake from the Captain, a hug from Beverly, a slap on the back from Geordi, and a grunt from his old friend Worf. Data would simply tilt his head and say "Welcome back, Mr. Riker". Oh, how he still hated that title. He longed to be called Commander again. He was aware that Data was first officer now and a new Commander Dashik was at ops, the Captain having felt both Geordi and Worf were too valuable in the positions they were in. The terminal was loud with happy people greeting their loved ones, but Will was still pulled from his thoughts by a familiar sound. A musical, beautiful, heartfelt sound. Deanna's laughter. He gasped and looked around him to where the sound was coming from. Was she here? Had she come for him? But she couldn't have known he was shipping out early, could she? And at just that moment Will spotted where she was, his Deanna, being scooped up into a man's arms that had just transported down. She tilted her head back and laughed as he squeezed her, and then she lowered her face and….he kissed her. On the lips. With passion. Will gasped again as he felt a knife go through his heart. He couldn't catch his breath and he couldn't speak. He just stood there, dumbfounded, as Deanna and the man walked towards the door of the room, arm in arm, and his eyes followed them. He couldn't help himself, he hadn't meant to, but his heart achingly whispered "_Imzadi_". Deanna's head instantly swung around, her eyes wide, as she spotted Will. The man was holding her hand now, leading her out the door, while the entire time Deanna's eyes never left Will's, longing, aching, sad eyes, until she disappeared through the door. "William T. Riker, you're next on transporter pad 5" a booming voice came over the loudspeaker. Will couldn't get his legs to move. He was still staring at the door. "William T. Riker" the voice repeated, as Will, eyes still glued to the door, walked up to the transporter pad, set his bag down, and said quietly "One to beam up".

Will was greeted with enthusiasm. Several of his crewmates were there to welcome him back. No one seemed awkward, no one asked about his mental condition, not even Beverly. His family was genuinely glad to have him on board. "Stellar carography, huh?" Geordi asked. "I guess you'd know a thing or two about the stars". What could've been a jab was only a tease coming from Geordi and Will laughed. "I think I could manage to map out a few systems" he replied. "Commander….I mean,Will" Worf said, in his gruff voice, catching himself. "We have missed playing poker. We were hoping we could join you in your quarters tonight". Beverly and Geordi both nodded. "Data too" Beverly smiled, and realized it might be hurtful to Will talking about the one who had replaced him. "If you don't mind coming down a few floors" Will joked. "My new accommodations may be…lacking from the ones I had before". "Oh hell, Will, I'm sure your quarters will be just as messy now as they've ever been". Everyone laughed and Will was glad to be with his friends, he was doing well at hiding the aches he felt in his heart at the moment. After Worf, the Captain, and Geordi had left, Beverly took Will's arm and walked him to his new quarters. "How are you, Will?" she asked. And Will knew what she was asking. Did he tell her about the Deanna Troi he'd met on earth? Would she think he was more crazy or less? He decided that keeping that little secret to himself would be the best option, considering the fresh start he had here on the ship he loved. He wanted everyone to think he was perfectly "stable". "I'm fine, Beverly, really" he lied. "I've even been doing some writing, you know? Personal journals, more eloquent and story-like than personal logs, or impersonal logs as I like to call them". Beverly smiled and patted his arm. "Good, I'm glad to hear that. Because Ensign Lutly has been asking about you. You remember her?" Will didn't, but he guessed it was the one whose heart he had broken that Beverly had told him about. "I really think you should try to mend fences" Beverly said with a twinkle in her eye. "Oh God" Will thought as he rolled his eyes away from her, then turned to her and said "Maybe I will".

That night Will was filled with mixed emotions. It was unbearably hard for him not to be on the bridge. He didn't like his new quarters, they were small. But he loved working in the cartography department, he liked everyone he'd met there and had a lot to offer them. They had a great respect for him from his days as their first officer. He felt so good to be among his family again, yet he missed Deanna so terribly. Either Deanna. Both Deannas. "Oh hell" he thought. How could he have fallen in love with two Deannas? Only to have one disappear and the other break his heart. Why was she with him anyway?" Will had to admit to himself he was thoroughly jealous. The man Deanna was with was obviously royalty, and more than that, he was Betazed royalty. It was obvious in the clothing he wore, his black eyes, his regal carriage. He was even taller than Will, and Will had to admit to himself, quite handsome. Why hadn't she told him about this other man? Maybe that's why she was so hesitant. But that man couldn't be her imzadi. There was only one imzadi, wasn't there? Maybe if there are two Deannas, there can be two imzadis. Will's mind was going in circles and he was exhausted. They had played poker well into the night, no one wanting to leave, everyone enjoying each others company once again. But now his emotions were spent, and he knew he needed to get some sleep. He hoped his plan to pour himself into his work was a viable one.

Two weeks passed and Will was still up late every night thinking about Deanna. He loved her. Them. Her. He was doing well at his job, but the Captain could see his weariness and how worn out his emotions were. "You've been through a lot in the past year, Will, perhaps it's time to see Counselor Palar. She's really very good". Will simply nodded, showing the Captain he would give it some thought. And quite frankly, maybe he should see her. Regardless of what the facts of his situation were, he was sinking, and knew he needed help. But before that, there was one last thing he needed to do. One thing he was dreading. He sat at his terminal, he had put the call through on, and was waiting for a reply. A face came up on the screen. "Will, you son of a bi…what do you want?" "Good to see you too" Will laughed as he caught a smirk on Shereya's face. She laughed and pressed her face into the screen. "If you called to ask me about Deanna, I'm going to thoroughly enjoy saying "I told you so". Will turned serious as he said "Yes, you did, Shereya. Yes you did". When Shereya saw how sad he was, she felt bad. He looked up at her and simply said "I saw her with him". "Oh." Shereya nodded, now understanding. "And she didn't tell you about him". Will nodded. "Why wouldn't she tell me? Is she in love with him?" Shereya thought a moment before responding. "Will, she's his fiancée". And with that Shereya explained everything. That Deanna was engaged to Mylon Akad, son of a daughter of the second house. That it had all been arranged long before either of them were born, but that they both loved each other, though Deanna was indecisive about when she actually wanted the wedding to take place, and her mother had been bugging her about it. That they were a perfect match. That they were meant for each other. "Is he her imzadi?" Will asked. "What?" Shereya said, shocked and wide-eyed. "Did you say imzadi?" "Yes" Will replied. "It's a special bond on Betazed that two people…." "I know what it is Will" Shereya interrupted him. "Deanna's told me all about it. But there's no such thing anymore on Betazed". Now it was Will's turn to be surprised. "Huh?" he asked. "Will" she continued, "Deanna's mother was the last to experience imzadi with her father, but her father died in a moment when the bond between he and Luwaxana had been severed by an alien force, the one that took his life, and that ended the imzadi bond forever on her world. Deanna's mother has never been the same." Will sat befuddled, scratching his chin. This other Deanna even had a different homeworld than his did. But why had she called him imzadi? And why could they speak into each other's minds, especially when this Deanna was supposedly unable to have empathic or telepathic abilities? "Shereya, I heard her in my mind. She heard me." Will said. Shereya laughed. "Will, that's ridiculous. It's impossible. I think you're imagining things. But regardless, Deanna and Mylon finally set a date and in two weeks they will be married. There's nothing you can do about it now".

Will ended the transmission with Shereya after offering another apology for how he had treated her and she pronounced her forgiveness. She seemed to feel badly for his plight; that he was in love with Deanna Troi who was getting married in two weeks to another, but she also seemed to be quite familiar with that very scenario. Will hung his head and ran his fingers through his hair. His heart was completely broken and he doubted it would ever mend now. But Shereya was right, there was nothing he could do about it, and his only option at this point in his life was to try to move on as best he could. At least he had a life, and things could've turned out much worse. He would begin counseling with Dr. Palar, and hell, he might even check out Ensign Lutly to see if she was someone he could like.

A year passed and Will was getting better and better. He grew to like Counselor Palar, though she was somewhat distant and cool compared to Deanna, but she was trustworthy and though he didn't share with her names or exact details of his story, he knew she knew enough and was able to offer him helpful suggestions to get on with his life. He had asked Ensign Lutly to lunch and explained that he didn't remember his relationship with her probably due to the trauma he'd experienced on the planet (where he'd lost Deanna, but he didn't tell her that), and he found that they got along really quite well. He was thinking about asking her on a more formal date. Perhaps his heart could heal. Perhaps he could move on.

Will's terminal beeped with an incoming message one morning when he was getting ready for work. He wondered who would be calling him. He told the computer to patch the message through. "Hello son" he heard as the face of his father came into view. "Dad? Why are you calling me?" Will asked, somewhat perturbed. His father hadn't spoken to him for a year and a half, but, Will had to admit to himself he had the perfect excuse, he had been in another sector light years away on a diplomatic mission. "I'm home now, son. I'm here in Alaska". A small smile crept onto Will's face at the memory of his childhood home. "I just wanted to check and see how you were doing. Apparently a lot has happened while I was away". Will groaned, knowing his dad had all information of Starfleet at his disposal. "You could say that" Will said, sadly. "But I'm doing OK". "Do you want me to help you find her?" Kyle Riker said to his son. "Find who?" Will asked. Kyle gave a perplexed look as he said "Deanna, of course. Your imzadi". Will was thoroughly confused. How had Kyle found out about Deanna? He was nowhere near fleet headquarters, and even if he was, he'd know she was married by now. "It won't do any good" Will said. "She's married". "What?" Kyle asked. "I thought she was missing, Did she come back and marry that Worf fellow?" Will sat stunned, trying to understand what his father was saying. His dad knew about Worf? His dad knew about his Deanna? "Will" Kyle said to his son "You've got to stop pussy-footing around. Ever since you and Deanna became imzadi on Betazed you've been dancing around each other, pretending to be friends, when you really love each other. Take her away from that Worf fellow!" Will shook his head vigorously trying to make sense of everything. "Dad, you remember Deanna?" "Of course I do, what's gotten into you Will?" Kyle asked. "You remember my Deanna?" he asked again. "Well, if you're talking about the one who is ship's counselor aboard the Enterprise, who is best friends with Beverly, who dated Thomas for awhile, whom you're madly in love with, then yes. I remember your Deanna" Kyle stated simply. Will literally fell on the floor as he grabbed too quickly for the computer screen in his disbelief. He scrambled back up, holding onto the chair, breathless. "Dad" he exclaimed. "no one believes me! They all said they'd never heard of a Deanna Troi!" "I know, son. I read the report, and it's ridiculous. That's why I called you right away". Will and his father talked for some time and decided that whatever altered the timeline for Deanna Troi and caused her to disappear had not altered it for the Riker family. They sent a subspace message to Thomas who was on a secret mission, but a reply came back confirming that indeed, he most certainly remembered Deanna too. Will was more confused than ever, but was careful to not tell his father about the new Deanna. He didn't want him to know about that aspect of his life. Kyle offered to Will to contact fleet headquarters and try and get him re-instated as first officer, offered to contact whomever he could to try and find Deanna, but after hearing all of Will's story they decided there probably was no other place and no other way to search than Will already had. Will had seriously considered his father's offer to talk to the heads of Starfleet on his behalf, but didn't think the word of one man, even one as respected as his father, would change things in light of the word of his Captain and crewmates, as well as Starfleet records. "I'm so sorry, son, I wish I could help". Kyle said sadly. Will nodded and ended the transmission, grateful to know that he hadn't really lost his mind. He may never know what happened, but at least he wasn't crazy.

Another year passed, and Will's newfound bond with his father and newfound faith in himself aided in completing his healing. He still thought of Deanna on occasion, was she in the Betazed version of heaven, or did the other Deanna have children by now, but he held her deep enough in his heart, that he was able to let other feelings and experiences cover it over. He was dating Ensign Lutly now (again) and had risen in ranks to become the second-in-command over stellar cartography, even though still a civilian. The Captain had felt it necessary due to Will's outstanding performance on his job.

"Congraulations, lover-boy" Camille had said to him over drinks in ten-forward. He reached his hand up and touched her honey-colored cheek and stroked her strawberry blonde hair. "I'm glad we're together Camille" he said. "You mean back together" she smiled. They'd been seeing each other for a year, and he knew he loved her. Oh, he could never love anyone like he'd loved Deanna, but he did love Camille, and he was contemplating a permanent future with her. He was happy for the first time in years. "You two look simply blissful" Guinan said as she placed their meals down in front of them. "Yeah, we're pretty happy" Camille said as she reached out and grasped Will's hand. Guinan looked at Will and a sadness came over her face. "I'm glad you found someone else" she said simply and walked away. "What does she mean by someone else?" Camille asked. "I don't know" Will said, but he felt uneasy. It was as if Guinan knew about he and Deanna. That night they all gathered in Will's quarters for their weekly poker game. Camille had turned out to be quite the poker player Will had discovered, and it was often the two of them left at the end of the game. While they were playing and eating, Data said to everyone "Our new counselor is scheduled to beam on board tomorrow". I shall miss Counselor Palar". Beverly chimed in "Yes, but I'm glad she's returning to her home world. They need her there with the unrest that has been going on". Geordi nodded. Will wasn't paying much attention, except that it perturbed him that Cousnelor Palar had not said goodbye, but then she wasn't much with emotions, especially for a counselor. "I hear the woman who's coming on board is single and quite beautiful" Camille said, nudging Will in the elbow, teasing him. "God, I've had my fill of counselors for awhile" Will laughed, even though his self-deprication made the others a little uncomfortable. "Besides" he said as he turned his head and planted a passionate kiss right on Camille's mouth. That was all that needed to be said. Beverly grinned from ear to ear as Geordi looked down and smiled. He was glad to see his old friend happy again. He was glad Will and Ensign Lutly had gotten back together. The family Will had longed for, the love had had longed for, was finally falling into place.

A week later Will had made an amazing discovery in stellar cartography involving a wormhole that the Enterprise was coming close to in their journey. The Captain had called him up to the bridge when they were close enough to show it magnified on the screen, so Will could explain his findings. Will was thoroughly excited to be on the bridge again, especially for something so important. He beamed with pride. No one else in stellar cartography had discovered this. He almost felt like a senior officer again. Just before exiting the turbolift, he pulled down his shirt in a force of habit, and walked confidently onto the bridge. He strode down the ramp and smiled at all his friends, nodding. "Worf, Geordi" he smiled as he passed by. "Deanna, Captain" he smiled as he rounded the corner. Then he stopped dead in his tracks. The world stopped. Will froze. Everything started spinning. The Captain rose to intercept but Will put out his hand to stop him. Slowly, ever so slowly, Will turned to face the new Counselor of the Enterprise E. The long black hair, the soft wine-colored lips, the large ebony eyes. Deanna. Will could not take his eyes off her. It had been two years since he'd seen her. He just stood there, dumbfounded. After a few moments, he collected himself, though his heart was beating wildly. Deanna looked taken aback, but composed. Why was she here? Did she know he'd be there? Where was her husband? Why hadn't the Captain told him a woman by the name of Deanna Troi was coming to the ship? Will was angry, very angry, to have been caught so off-guard. But this was no time for confrontations. He had a job to do. And in true Starfleet fashion he stood tall, squared his shoulders and walked towards the view screen stating simply to Data "Magnify". The wormhole came up on the screen and Will began to share what he had discovered. When he had finished the Captain said "Very good, Will. I think this will come in handy as we move closer to study it". Will nodded towards the Captain and turned to exit the bridge. His eyes briefly caught Deanna's as he headed up the ramp, sitting there as she always had, as she had in his past, for what felt like an eternity, working with his imzadi. But to everyone else, this was the first time she had boarded.

It was rare that William T. Riker had words with his Captain. He could count on one hand how many times in all the years they had served together. But now was about to be one of those times. Will had kept himself controlled and calm the entire time he'd been on the bridge while the love of his life sat in her chair, listening intently. It was such a sense of déjà vu he could hardly keep straight which Deanna it was. And worst of all, was the knowledge that Captain Picard had known this woman had the same name as the woman Will thought he had lost, the woman they all said didn't exist, the woman he threw away his career for, and the Captain hadn't told him she would be there.

Will rang the chime on the door to the Captain's office. "Come" Picard said. He had been expecting him. "Have a seat" he said before Will could get anything out. Will sat stiffly, leaning forward in his chair, his elbows on his knees. "Number One" the Captain started, then corrected himself. "Old habits die hard" he smiled as he continued. "Will" he said. "I'm sorry. I didn't know how you'd react if you knew a Deanna Troi actually existed. Will cringed. "I didn't know if it would bring up….old issues. Or if it would confuse you further. You've made so much progress, Will, I didn't want to jeopardize that." "And you think this didn't jeopardize it, sir?" Will said with more anger than he had intended to. "I wasn't expecting the two of you would cross paths so soon" the Captain said regretfully. "I was hoping to talk to you eventually". Will blew a breath of air out through his lips, knowing that nothing could be done now. He wasn't about to tell his Captain how much his path already had crossed with this particular Deanna. "Will" the Captain said in a serious tone. "You are a valuable asset to this ship and this crew, and I don't want to lose you again. You won't have another chance. Don't go chasing after a fantasy that could cost you everything". Will bristled at the Captain's bluntness. And how well he knew him. "Cost me everything, indeed" Will thought as he nodded towards the Captain. After a few moments of awkward silence, Will got up to leave, not sure if his relationship with his Captain would ever be the same again.

For an entire week Will had managed to avoid Deanna. It hadn't been too difficult, since they moved in different crowds, but there were a few occasions where either he or she had turned and left ten forward when they spotted the other. Will was trying desperately to put her out of his mind, but he could not. He loved her more than life itself, any her in any timeline, and he could not stop. He had to endure many conversations about the "gorgeous new counselor" and how every man wanted to "suddenly have issues they needed to discuss". He heard the hubris in several of his friends in stellar cartography thinking they could woo the counselor. And he wondered again where was Mylon? Where was Deanna's husband? It was driving him crazy. But he had a girlfriend. One he had been planning to propose to.

One night Will met Camille in for dinner in ten forward and they sat at their special table, the one that used to be his special table with Deanna. They were enjoying their time together, tasting and trying each other's dishes, ordering exotic drinks and talking and laughing. Will knew he had lost Deanna to another man, as much as he loved her, and was truly trying to make it work with Camille. But when their desserts came, Will looked up at Guinan, and then saw just past her Deanna at another table chatting and laughing with one of the men from Stellar Cartography. His heart caught in his chest. God, she was still so beautiful, her laughter still so musical. He could not stop staring. After a while Camille turned around to see what he was looking at. "Have I got competition?" she asked. Will, caught out of his revelry, just looked at her, smiled, and nodded no. Camille turned to look at Deanna again. "I warned you about her" she chided" "I told you she was single and beautiful". "She's not single Camille" Will said. Camille just looked at him, perplexed, and shrugged her shoulders. But throughout the rest of the night Will's eyes were drawn over and over to Deanna, and Camille noticed.

The next day in Cartography Will's friend was boasting. "Yeah, I asked her out for a drink in ten forward. I think she likes me". "In your dreams, Boz" Will laughed. "No, really. We're meeting again for dinner this Friday". Will's eyebrows raised slightly. "You jealous, Riker? I thought you and Camille were practically engaged" the man said. "We are" Will said, but he wondered at why Deanna, a married woman, would be going out a second time with Boz. He did feel jealous, extremely. That night he was sharing with Camille about Boz and Deanna, joking how Boz had an over-inflated view of himself. How Deanna could never be attracted to him. "Will" Camille started, hesitantly. "You seem to be a bit pre-occupied with our new counselor. You wouldn't stop staring at her the other night, and now you can't stop talking about her". Camille just waited for his reply. She was testing the waters. Will thought for a moment, then took her hand. "You know you're the only woman for me, Camille". He lied, but it seemed to satisfy her. He knew he had no choice now but to go and talk to Deanna. He had to find some sort of resolution to all of this. He didn't want to hurt Camille like he did with Shereya. In his love for this damn woman, he was unintentionally leaving broken hearts in his wake. It had to stop, right here, right now.

"Your 2:00 appointment is here, Counselor" the receptionist said to Deanna as she walked through the door of her office, just returning from lunch. "Very good" Deanna smiled at her as she walked past. Deanna entered the therapy room and looked down at her chart. "Welcome, Mr. Frank" Deanna said as she looked up at her patient. Sitting there, with his elbows on his knees and a somber look on his face, was Will. His eyes were the saddest she'd seen in a long time. Deanna set the chart down on the table and sat down in her chair. She looked at Will with sad eyes of her own, and sighed. "I guess I should've seen this coming" she said. "What, no bolt for the door?" he said, sarcastically. Deanna looked down at the floor, then back up at him. "I owe you this much, to stay and hear what you have to say" she said, smiling ever so slightly. "Yeah, that's an understatement" he shot back. Deanna's smile disappeared and she looked at her lap, intertwining her hands around each other. Will could see that he was affecting her. "So when were you going to tell me, Deanna?" he spat out as he stood and began pacing the room. "A memo after I'd been in space for awhile? Perhaps a subspace communication after your third child? Dear Will, by the way, I was engaged the whole time I was cavorting with you." "Cavorting?" Deanna snickered, "What's that?" Will stopped his pacing and simply glared at her. Her smile disappeared again. "Will, I never led you on" she replied, seriously. "I suppose technically that's true, Deanna, but you sure as hell didn't turn me away". Will replied. Deanna looked down again, knowing what he said was true. "I'm sorry Will. You're right. I should've said something." This seemed to assuage Will's anger just a bit. "So where is he? Did you leave him planetside to come and counsel all the crazies in space?" Will's anger was back as he waved his hands to indicate his point. Deanna paused for a moment with a faraway look in her eyes, then she said "Will, I've been single for almost a year now". "Oh". Will said, a little surprised. "That was quick". Deanna sighed as she rubbed her hands along her thighs. Then she stood and faced Will. "It was a pre-arranged marriage. I thought I loved him, and I know he loved me. But we wanted different things. He read things in my heart that caused him to distance from me and eventually we grew apart. Without my empathic abilities I couldn't read him so that made it even harder. I wanted it to work, I really did, but when he left I didn't protest". Will could see that she was sad, that she felt like a failure. It was all he could do to not take her in his arms and comfort her. "Deanna, I'm sorry" he said. She turned away from him and drew her arms around herself as if she had a chill. His voice was so kind, just as she'd remembered. Her heart was beating strongly in her chest. Will walked a little closer, wanting to at least touch her on the shoulder, but then he drew back. "How did you get on the Enterprise?" he finally asked as he stepped backward and sat back down in his chair. She turned to explain. "I decided to follow my heart. I'd always wanted to be in the stars, and mother and the fifth house be damned, I was going to do it." Will smiled at her. "I got enough training at the academy to qualify, and being head of Starfleet medical gave me a distinct advantage over the competition." "I'll bet it did" Will smiled, thinking of how lucky Captain Picard would consider himself to have landed Deanna. "Beverly's got some competition now, I see" Will teased. "Oh, I'm only interested in helping people's minds at this point, Will. I've had enough dealing with alien bodies to last me a lifetime". Will chuckled, realizing that to Deanna, his body would be considered an "alien body". A few moments of silence passed, and then Will had to ask the question. "Deanna, did you know I'd be here?" She looked at the floor for a few moments more. "Not until I got on board." She replied. " I was only required to review the senior officer's and department head's profiles before I took the job. Everyone else I quickly looked over when I arrived." "You didn't come and find me" he stated. "I couldn't" she responded. "Why not?" By now Will was standing again and walking towards Deanna. There was an electricity in the air, and it was all he could do to not grasp her face and press his lips to hers. She shivered slightly, feeling the intensity and turned away from him, looking out the window to the stars. He drew up close to her, inhaling the flowery scent of her hair. She could feel his breath on her neck. "Deanna" he said in a low voice. "You called me something when I kissed you that night. A name. With a very specific meaning. I'm sure you know what it is…." He whispered as he touched his fingers to the sides of her arms. Deanna whipped around releasing his grasp and with wide eyes said "I didn't". Will laughed and stepped towards her again, his hand coming up to gently caress her cheek. "We could re-enact the scenario if that might help jog your memory" he said dangerously as he slowly lowered his mouth down towards hers. "Sick Bay to Dr. Troi" came Beverly's voice over the intercom in that instant. "I need you in sickbay". Deanna snapped back and pressed her badge. "On my way" she said. She headed towards the door and then turned and looked back at Will. "I never said it, Will. And I never will again". She stated firmly. Then she left. Will felt like an arrow had gone through his heart.

Will realized he had almost betrayed Camille. Had Beverly not interrupted, he was sure he would've kissed Deanna. And she didn't seem to be resisting much either. Why was she so afraid of him, of imzadi? "Damned Betazoid" he thought. He knew he couldn't go on like this, walking the fence, wanting to be with Camille, wanting to be with Deanna. He couldn't get Deanna to talk to him, to explain herself. She was clear that she wanted to be on a professional basis only with him. It broke his heart. But if there was one thing Will knew, it was that you had to know when to fold. Deanna was a strong woman, and when she made her mind up about something, it usually stood. He had to find a way to move on. So he did. He met with Camille one night in her quarters and explained what he could to her. He shared that he had known Deanna while on earth, that he had been interested in her. That he still had feelings for her, but she made it clear that there was nothing between them. That he had feelings for Camille also, and wanted her. That it might take some time to completely heal his heart from Deanna, but he wanted to try. And he wanted to try with her, if she would have him. Then he left, giving her some time to think and decide what she wanted to do. It had felt good and right to be as honest with her as he could.

The days and weeks went by, and Will was getting more into a routine with Deanna on board. He ran into her occasionally, and they were polite to each other. He tolerated the other men's interest in her, though she didn't seem to be returning it much. Camille had decided she wanted to cool things for awhile but still continue to see each other and see where it led in time. Will spent more than a few nights in ten forward by himself, enjoying a brandy at the bar. This particular night Guinan was there and pouring him brandy from her own special stock. "What's this for?" Will had asked her. "Did I do something special?" "No, just a celebration" she said. "Of what?" he asked, smiling, always ready for a celebration. "Things are almost back to normal". Guinan simply stated. "What?" Will asked, as he saw Guinan nod toward the other side of the room. Will turned to see Deanna sitting alone. The band had just begun to play a beautiful song and encouraged everyone to find a partner and dance to it. "I think you should ask her" Guinan said. "Guinan" Will started "she doesn't want anything to do with me". "Really?" Guinan asked, taken aback. "You could've fooled me. She's been staring at you all evening". That was all the encouragement Will needed. Maybe she would dance with him. Maybe there was still a chance. He placed his glass on the bar and slowly walked over towards her table. Just as he was about to reach her, another man came over and asked if she wanted to dance. He saw her politely turn him down. Deanna's turn-downs were so thoughtful and kind, that men almost left feeling better than when they approached her. It was one of her gifts, he thought. Realizing he would probably be the next one she turned down, he approached her table anyway, turned one of the chairs around, and straddled it. "Hi" he said. She picked up her drink and swirled it around a little, then said "Hi" with a half-smile. "Well at least I got a half-smile out of her" he thought. The band suddenly shifted gears and said last dance for the evening. They began to play a lovely slow song, perfect for a couple's dance. "Care to dance?" Will asked. Deanna looked down and said "Will…." But before she could finish he was up and gently took her hand, bowing slightly. "Now if there's one thing I know" he said "it's that the daughter of the fifth house, holder of the sacred chalice of rixx, heir to the holy rings of betazed, her royal highness, should never turn down a dance". Deanna couldn't help herself. She still couldn't figure out how he knew her titles, and his teasing reference to her royalty and his charm were so endearing. She sighed, rolled her eyes, and allowed him to lead her out to the dance floor. All his friends turned their heads, amazed that the civilian second-in-command of Cartography got a dance with the most beautiful woman on the ship. "Punk" Boz said angrily to himself. Will took Deanna and spun her around, twirled her, dipped her, and then drew her to himself. He held her close and they swayed in rhythm to the music. He clasped his arms around her waist as she rested her hands on his shoulders. He could feel her heart beating against his chest. It felt so right to have her in his arms. In a thousand lifetimes, in a thousand timelines, to have Deanna Troi in his arms was the most right thing that could ever happen. Deanna slowly began to relax and melt into him. She lowered her head and rested her forehead on his shoulder and he gently pulled her as close to his body as she could possibly get. Her heart began to beat wildly, and she trembled, overwhelmed at the emotion of the moment, overwhelmed by his emotions. Will could sense she was feeling him, even though she wasn't supposed to have that ability. He rubbed his hand along her back as the music slowly came to an end and the lights in ten forward dimmed even further. As they stood in the darkness, she lifted her head to look up at him. Her eyes were brimming with unshed tears, shining in the starlight as he took his fingers and caressed them along her cheek. "Imzadi" he whispered as he bent down to kiss her. Just at that moment Camille had walked in and gasped "Will!" He swung his head around to see her horrified look as she turned and ran out of ten forward. "Camille!" he called after her. He turned back to Deanna who had also turned to exit quickly out the other door. "Deanna!" he yelled as he stood for a moment, all eyes upon him, trying to decide what to do. William T. Riker slapped the palm of his hand to his face, knowing he had just gotten himself into a whole mess of trouble.

"You certainly didn't waste any time making a bee-line for her, did you?" Camille snapped as she and Will stood in her quarters trying to talk things out. "I didn't….it just…." Will couldn't think of anything to say. "It just happened. Riiiiiight". Camille retorted. "Look, Will, I don't know what it is you have with this woman, but apparently it's not anything I can compete with. We're through". Camille said as she stormed out of the door. A few second later she returned. "These are my quarters" she huffed. "Get out!". Will turned to leave, defeated, knowing he had hurt her again. "For whatever it's worth, I'm sorry" he said as he left" "It's worth shit!" she yelled out the door after him. Will returned to his quarters haggard and hurting. He felt like he couldn't do anything right and he kept hurting all the women he cared about. He doubted Deanna would have anything to do with him now. He decided he wouldn't even try to talk to her. He couldn't take anymore humiliation.

For several months Will poured himself into his job. He wanted to be sure Captain Picard's warning to him was heeded, that even Deanna Troi wasn't worth losing his job over. Although in his honest moments, he knew that she was. They were avoiding each other again, which he figured was for the best. His heart belonged to Deanna Troi, it always would, but in this timeline, or in her timeline, or whoever the hell's timeline it was, it apparently wasn't meant to be. Captain Picard noticed Will's hard work and called him into his office. "I wish I could promote you, Will. I wish you were still Starfleet". He paused for a moment and then said "I wish I could have you back as my first officer". Will sighed. "Me too, sir. I miss serving you in that way. I miss being on the bridge". "Well, I might have something to help make up for it a little" Captain Picard smiled. "Have a seat". "Yes sir" Will said as he sat down. "Tea?" the Captain asked as he walked towards the replicator ordering two cups of Earl Grey. Will knew when the Captain ordered him an Earl Grey to share, something good was about to come down. We have a mission coming up, Will. There's a planet near the wormhole, Pallota III, whose government has been investigating it the same way you have, and would like to hear more about your discoveries. There is also a war going on, and the group of people who live below the planet's surface, called the Grugous, or "Grugs" for short, want to use the wormhole for a financial advantage, taking charge of it, collecting fees or collateral to allow people to use it to travel to the other side. As you know, we don't know yet if it's stable enough for that, but they are willing to kill to find out any secrets or information on it that they can. They are a ruthless race. The government of the Pallotians has been meeting in secret about all of this, and they are the ones who want to meet with you. I don't need to tell you it's a dangerous mission Will, especially with your knowledge, the Grugs would stop at nothing to get their hands on it, on you. But as my former first Officer I know you have what it takes to do this. I'd like to send you down with Data. He will be in charge, of course, and an excellent scientific advisor and translator if necessary, and security and protection as well". Will nodded. "And Counselor Troi". "Pardon me?" Will asked, confused. "I'm sending the counselor with you as well. She will be needed for diplomatic relations and communication. She will be trying to smooth things over. And I don't need to tell you, Will, that she'll need to be protected at all costs. It is even a more dangerous mission for her. The Grugs are ruthless." "Yes sir" Will gulped at the scenario he now found himself in. Going on a dangerous away mission with Deanna? With the tension and feelings between them? Some things just never change. "I am confident this will be important to the well-being of this sector of the galaxy. If we can stabilize the planet, and find the wormhole to be useful, I think it will benefit everyone. You'll be leaving at 0800 tomorrow, we will be arriving to the planet at that time." "Yes sir!" Will said in his proudest Starfleet voice. "And, thank you, sir" he said with emotion, expressing his gratitude for all his commanding officer had done for him.

Will did not sleep well that night. How could he go on an away mission with Deanna? The tension between them, the unanswered questions, the feelings, oh god, the feelings. He knew, he knew deep in his soul that she was in love with him. But why it frightened her, why she shied away from him, he didn't know. And she wasn't about to divulge. He knew having to work in this close proximity to her would be difficult. Being that close to her, not being able to touch her, not being able to hold her. But he was a professional. And he knew he could do it, and there was no other choice. The next day he joined Data and Deanna in the transporter room. Deanna always took his breath away, and this Deanna dressed slightly different than her counterpart. She loved wearing purple, and on this day she was wearing a dress similar to what his Deanna had worn, only in a deep lilac. Her hair was in long loose waves hanging over her shoulders, and she wore her daughter of the fifth house crown, in honor of her mother, an accomplished diplomat. She was beautiful. Will glanced up at her only momentarily as he gave the coordinates to Chief O'Brien for transport. As he stepped up to the transporter pad, he noticed out of the corner of his eye Deanna stealing glances at him as they began to beam away. Yes indeed, this would be difficult.

"Welcome Mr. Riker! We are so happy to meet you!" Garn, the chief scientific advisor for Palotta III beamed as he firmly shook Will Riker's hand. "Your Captain told us all about your research. We believe it will help us immensely." "I hope that to be the case, Mr. Garn." Will replied. "And may I introduce our ship's first officer, Commander Data, and our ship's counselor, Deanna Troi". "Ah, lovely to meet you both" Garn smiled as Data and Troi nodded. "And you, Miss Troi, if your peacemaking abilities are equal to your beauty, we should be lucky indeed." Will saw Deanna blush as she smiled at Garn. He sometimes grew tired of other men always prognosticating about Deanna's beauty. Even though he did it all the time. I'll show you to your quarters so you can get your rest tonight. Miss Troi, our governor will meet with you at 0800 tomorrow to fill you in on where to begin in attempting a diplomatic relationship with the Grugs. It won't be easy, I assure you. I assume you have security with you?" "I will be there" Data said as he stepped up beside the Counselor. "No offense, Mr. Data, but we're used to seeing beings far more…large and….burly as security officers". Garn said, amused. Data stepped over to a seven foot granite statue that was in the middle of the corridor and picked it up by the bottom corner with only one hand, lifting it above his head with ease. Garn gasped as he looked to Riker who smiled and said "Put the statue down, Sir". Data rejoined the group and said "As you can see, Mr. Garn, my physical capabilities far outweigh what my appearance might suggest". "I certainly can see that" Garn said, his eyes still wide. Deanna chuckled as she looked at Will who raised his right eyebrow. Mr. Garn continued. "Mr. Riker, we will meet you at the same time tomorrow morning in the building of sciences not too far from here. We can begin right away on learning all we can about this wormhole." Will nodded and then turned as Garn led them down another corridor to their guest quarters. They were in the prime government building, and they had not met the leader of the planet, but Will assumed they would in time. "These are your quarters" Mr. Garn pointed out. There are only two of them, I'm hoping you can make do". "I do not require sleep, sir" Data simply said. "Well, you're welcome to stand out here in the hall, Mr. Data, if you'd be more comfortable". "The Commander will stay with me, thank you Mr. Gran". Will said as he looked up at Data who replied "as you wish" and entered the first quarters. Will noticed how easy it was to be with Data as his commanding officer. Mr. Garn then turned to leave, and said over his shoulder "you might want to muss yourself up a bit for tomorrow, Miss Troi. The Grugs are an all male race. They have not been with our women in a long time. I would try to look as ugly as possible". Deanna looked up at Will, wide-eyed. Will started to say something to Mr. Garn, but he was gone. He looked at Deanna worriedly. "I can handle myself, Mr. Riker" she replied, stiffly. "Being a little formal, aren't we?" Will said, realizing that he was, just by happenstance, standing quite close to Deanna in her doorway. "Will" she said in a serious tone. "I know things haven't been…..OK between us for awhile. I am sorry. And I'm sorry I can't explain things. But for this mission, let's just be friends, OK? It's so much easier than being at each other's throats". "Agreed" Will said as he patted her arm. She smiled up at him then walked through her doorway. Just before she closed the door her beautiful doe-eyes glanced up to his and held his gaze, as if she were frozen and couldn't move. Then she turned and went into the room. As the door closed, Will rested his forehead against it and sighed. "Friends is better than enemies" he said to himself as he left to go to his quarters.

"Commander, tomorrow night would you mind facing the other way?" Will said to Data disgustedly as he got up out of the bed. "I felt like you were staring at me all night". "I do not stare, Mr. Riker. I shut down my internal sensors so they can rest". "Will, Data, call me Will. You're my commanding officer now, for heaven's sake". "I experience a…slight discomfort….in referring to you by your first name, Will. But I will do as you wish. And I shall face the other way tonight when I….recharge". "Thank you" Will said as he went into the bathroom for his morning ablutions. He wondered how Deanna had slept the night before. "I _slept well_" he heard her musical voice in his mind. "What?!" Will practically jumped out of his skin as he ran out into the main room and stared at the wall adjoining them to Deanna's quarters. "Will, is there a problem?" Data asked, curious. "Uh, no, no" Will said, scrunching his eyebrows together shaking his head. He heard the voice again in his mind. "_I'm sorry Will. It slipped out before I could stop it_". "_Damnit Deanna_!" he thought. "_You're not supposed to be able to do that_!" There was a pause. "_Apparently I can with you_" she said. "_How long have you been able to hear me?_" Will asked, incredulous, as he was still staring at her wall. There was silence. Will stood and waited, arms crossed on his chest. Then he heard "_since the first day I met you in my office_". That's it! Will thought. I'm going to get to the bottom of this if it's the last thing I do. He stormed out into the hall with only his pajama bottoms on and a washcloth in his hand, his hair wet and every which way on top of his head, bits of shaving cream still on his neck. He pounded on her door. "Deanna! Open this door!" he yelled at the top of his lungs. Just then Mr. Garn came down the hallway. "Is there a problem, Mr. Riker?" he asked, eyebrows raised. Will snapped up, looking down at himself, realizing what this must look like. "I knew we'd have to protect Miss Troi from the Grugs, but I never dreamed we'd have to protect her from her own crewman!" Garn snickered. "As you were, I just came down to see if any of you needed anything". "No" Will said. "No, we're just fine". "Glad to hear it" Garn replied as he turned to leave. His face completely red, Will returned to his room, deciding to deal with Deanna later.

The day went by quickly. Will stood in the science department with a depiction of the wormhole up on the screen. "This is when I discovered this second mini wormhole in this area right here", he pointed. "Magnify" Mr. Garn said as he and his associates strained their eyes. Sure enough, buried within the right side of the pulsating wormhole, was another tiny opening, a canal if you will, that was nearly invisible to the naked eye. Without advanced equipment, the Garn couldn't detect it. "It would appear to be a two-way wormhole" Will said. "The major one seems to suck things though from this side, and the tiny one spits them back through. But since most ships, planets, stars, anything to get close enough to it has enough mass, that it cannot fit back through the smaller hole. It's anyone's guess how many ships are stuck on the other side". "Is there a way to make the smaller one larger? It would be an amazing situation if there was a guaranteed way back through a wormhole". One of Mr. Garn's associates said. "That's what my colleagues in stellar cartography are working on, as well as Commander Data" Will explained. As the group rose to adjourn for lunch, the science officers spent a little more time asking Will questions, gleaning what information they could. On the other side of the town in the government building, Deanna Troi sat with the leaders of both worlds, while Data stood by. "I would like to make a pact of peace with the Palotta surface world" the Grug leader had said "but my people are not interested". "Have you tried to talk with them?" Deanna asked. "Many times" Galen replied. Deanna noticed that Galen was not at all what she had expected. He was tall, handsome, with the dark brown skin common to his race and flaxen colored hair. He seemed calm and in control. He had not even ogled her once. She had learned that morning that the Grugs were the indigenous race when the Palotians arrived to the planet. A war immediately broke out due to mistrust on both sides. The Grugs, used to the underworld terrain had retreated to the caverns and caves and made it their home. There had been tensions ever since, and, at least according to the Palotians, it was the Grugs who were the savage race and would often attend gatherings on the surface, break out in a riot, and kidnap their women. Galen sadly acceded that this was the case. He seemed genuinely interested in trying to get his race to turn their ways around and adopt peace. Deanna felt sorry for him, being so outnumbered. "Well, this is a good place to start" she said as she rose to leave for her lunch break. "We'll meet again tomorrow". When she reached out to shake Galen's hand something seemed odd, but she couldn't quite place it. After he left, the governor asked if she felt there was hope for the two races. "I do believe so" she said. "I think Galen really wants to make this work".

As Will joined Data and Deanna in the eating commons, he set his tray down next to hers, and sent to her mind "_care to tell me what I really wanted for lunch today_?" Deanna ignored him and just kept chewing her food. "_What, no more telepathic communication? I thought we were just starting to have fun_". Deanna looked at Will and sighed. She said out loud "I'm sorry Will. I shouldn't have. I promise I will stay out of your mind. And I will do everything I can to control mine from sending to you, though it does seem to have a mind of it's own, if you'll pardon the pun". Deanna chuckled to herself. "You never were that good at humor, Imzadi" he needled her, knowing the use of the word would perturb her. She gave him a dirty look. "Doesn't it bother you that I'm the only one you can do it with?" he asked. "Yes" she said. "Yes it does". Then she went back to eating, and Will knew he should probably leave it alone for now. He knew they had a bond, but for some reason this Deanna, didn't believe in it and was fighting it tooth and nail. And he couldn't convince her otherwise. Will, Data, and Deanna all talked about their respective experiences. Deanna had met the leader of the world, Governor Pleri, and she explained how the leader of the Grugs was polite and professional. Will was quite surprised, but he relaxed a little for Deanna's safety. He also knew he could trust Data implicitly to take care of her. That evening Data and Will visited Carm's, a bar that was similar to Frank's in many ways. Will missed Frank's, heck he missed Frank. He thought about taking his next shore leave to earth, but wasn't sure if it would be too painful or not. Though, he thought, it couldn't be much more painful than being with Deanna on the ship. Either way, he couldn't have her. Data downed a few drinks just to keep Will company and Will got pleasantly relaxed after a couple of Scotch on the rocks. When they returned to their quarters, he decided to check in on Deanna. He rang her chime and no one answered. He knocked and rang again, but still no answer. He reached out for her with his mind and sensed she was in there. Data gave him permission to enter, for the sake of Deanna's safety. When he did, he saw that she had fallen asleep on the sofa, utterly exhausted from the trip and change in schedule, with a book in her hand. He smiled to himself as he gently removed the book and slid his hands underneath her. "Imzadi?" she asked, still half-asleep. Will sighed and slowly, lifted her up, carrying her to the bedroom. "There's that damn word again" he thought. He gently laid her down, took off her shoes, and covered her with the soft blanket that was at the foot of the bed. She turned her head and sighed, then was sound asleep again. Will quietly left her quarters and returned to his for the night. When he walked in, Data was standing at the foot of the bed, facing the opposite directions, recharging. "Still weird" Riker said as he took off his clothes and changed into his pajamas and went to bed.

The next day, and and the day after that, everyone's meetings went well. Galen had told Deanna and the governor that he had been talking to his people about a peace treaty and they were starting to warm to him. Governor Pleri echoed the hopefulness of the situation, and Deanna felt that her work here was almost done. Sometimes it just took a mediator to help two people groups to see each other's side and join to form a peaceful union. Will's meetings with the science officers were exciting, as he was learning more and more about charting the stars, and once they saw that Deanna was safe, Data joined Will in working on the aspect of widening the "return tunnel" in the wormhole. If they could stabilize that, then ships would be able to safely enter and exit the wormhole, with worlds of galaxies beyond it to explore. On the fourth day, Deanna had her final meeting with Galen and Pleri. It was more of a celebration of their success together. As Governor Pleri poured the drink of celebration on his planet for Deanna when she arrived, he asked "where's your android friend?" "He's with Mr. Riker and the science officers, studying the wormhole" she replied. "And there's no one here with you?" Galen asked. Deanna began to feel a bit uncomfortable with the questions, but she replied "No, I'm here alone". She saw a look pass between Plero and Galen that caused the hair on her arms to stand on end. "What's going on?" she asked, sensing something was amiss. Galen smiled a wicked smile at her, something she had not seen from him before. She shivered. "What's going on, my dear, is that you'll be joining me and my comrades in the underworld" he leaned closer to her as he grabbed her arm and whispered "and I will personally see to it that your stay is enjoyable". Deanna quickly looked to Governor Pleri with frightened and questioning eyes, but he just looked to Galen and then smiled at her. "See to it she isn't harmed" the governor said. Deanna immediately yanked her arm away from Galen and turned to run, screaming as loudly as she could, hoping someone would hear her. Galen leapt after her and grabbed her with one hand around her waist, and his other hand clasped over her mouth. "I see you're not going to make this easy for us, my lovely Counselor" he said, his breath causing goosebumps to rise on her neck. She looked again back to Pleri with pleading eyes, but Pleri simply nodded to Galen, as Galen began to drag Deanna off. With one last desperate attempt, she screamed out to Will, hoping to god he would hear her.

"Mr. Data, you are remarkable" Garn said as he observed Data's work with the wormhole. "I wish we had one of you". Will smiled at the admiration for his friend and commanding officer, as he continued at his work station, calculating some formulas that would be helpful in their research. Suddenly, Will jerked up and gasped. A word, a desperate plea for help screamed in his mind. "_Imzadi_!" "Data, Deanna's in trouble" Will yelled as he leapt from his chair. "How do you know that?" Data queried. "I just do" Will replied as he ran from the room. Data cocked his head, looked at the other officers, and decided to join him. "I hope she's OK" one of the officers said, shaking his head, knowing what happened to women if they were captured by the Grugs. Will ran fullspeed through the streets to the building where he knew Deanna was meeting. He rushed through the door completely out of breath, and saw Governor Pleri and Galen standing there, glasses in their hands. "Where's Deanna?!" he gasped out. "Miss Troi has not arrived yet" the governor said. "We were hoping she was with you". "She's in trouble!" Will yelled as he ran out of the room back towards their quarters. He rushed into Deanna's room, but there was no one there. Data had kept up with him, leg for leg, and said "I believe, Will, that our mission here has just changed". "God, Data, we have to find her! What if the Grugs have her?" "We will find her, Will." Data reassured. They returned back to the talk to Pleri and Galen, questioning them, but it appeared that neither had seen Deanna. Will asked Galen to take him down into the underworld so he could search for Deanna. "Mr. Riker" Galen said. "I assure you she is not down there. We have agreed for peace, my men would not take her, it is too risky for them at this point". The governor said to Galen "perhaps if we have not found her by tomorrow, we could search the caverns, just in case." Galen pretended to be perturbed, but responded "Very well". "Mr. Riker" Galen said, "our security personnel are at your disposal. Good luck. We hope you find her." Data and Will spent the next 24 hours searching along with the police forces of the city. Will tried to reach out to her mind over and over again, but could sense nothing. "Data, I just know she's down there" he said. "Tomorrow, Will, we will go down with Galen to find her. I do believe he's correct that it would jeopardize the peace treaty for them to take her, but we will check anyway. I don't know where else she could be at this point". Will wished for a moment that he had Data's emotionless make-up, this was tearing him apart. She had called to him, cried out for him, and he was not there to help her. "We should never have left her alone!" he yelled to Data. "You are correct, Will. But neither of us could have foreseen something like this happening". Will simply spat on the ground in frustration and balled his hands into fists. "If anyone lays a hand on her, I'll kill them", he said quietly.

"She's in here" Galen said to Pleri. It was late at night and Pleri had gone down with him into the underworld. It was dark and gothic, with a central cave and many cavernous rooms leading out from it on all sides. There were torches everywhere and furniture and cushions. In the background the sounds of a trickling waterfall could be heard. It was dark and damp, and eerily quiet, save for soft voices of families getting ready to retire for the night. Galen led Pleri into one of the back caverns, a room furnished with a bed, two chairs, a nightstand, and a bathroom where they were able to carve out a place that reached down to an underground stream. As Pleri walked through the doorway he saw Deanna. She was seated on the bed with her feet underneath her, her dress fanned out all around her. Her hands were tied and lifted above her head so she would not escape. One of Galen's men was asleep in the chair beside her. "Hey, Largo, wake up!" Galen kicked him in the shin. "huh? What? Oh." Largo stood quickly. "She give you any trouble?" Galen snickered. "Yeah, a little". Largo replied. "You didn't touch her." It was more of a warning than a question. "No, you kidding? And risk your wrath? No way Galen". "leave us now" Galen said as Largo walked out of the room. Deanna glared at both Galen and Pleri. "I'm sorry to have to do this to you, my dear" Pleri said "but unlike my fellow government officials, I want to use the wormhole for profit. Once your….significant other….figures out how to widen the return tunnel, we'll seize the government and claim the wormhole for our own." "He's not my significant other, and he won't help you" Deanna replied defiantly. "Are you kidding?" Pleri laughed. "I've seen the way he looks at you. He'll do anything we ask". "Why did you bring me here?" she demanded. Galen spoke, an evilness emanating out from him that was not there before. "We didn't know if we'd get another chance with you alone without your bodyguard" he answered her. "Soon we'll tell Mr. Riker that we have you and what our demands are. We'll let him sweat it out a little first". Galen sneered. Pleri looked Deanna up and down and said to Galen "she looks really uncomfortable. Can you lower her arms?" Deanna was thankful for the small amount of compassion from Pleri, but she despised both of them for their deception and abduction of her. Galen walked over to the bed and knelt beside Deanna. He said in a low voice "be thankful you're here. When Largo tells the others we have a beautiful woman down here, they'd go after you like wolves. I'm your protection." He grinned an evil smile as he leaned in, his face close to hers, as if he were going to kiss her. Then he reached up and cut the rope that was keeping her arms held above her head, and her hands dropped, painfully regaining their circulation. Galen rejoined Pleri as they discussed something privately, then Pleri left. Galen closed the large bolted door to the entrance of the room and turned to look at Deanna. "My, you are lovely" he whispered as his eyes traveled up and down her body. Deanna glared at him and said "You deceived me. How can you live with yourself?" Galen laughed. "I live with myself quite well, thank you. Once lover boy gets that wormhole stabilized and we take over, I'll be living even better". Deanna was angry with herself that she had not seen his evil before. How could she have been so blind? "You'll never get away with it" she stated. He walked towards her slowly, as she felt her hair stand on end again. He reached the bed and leaned down and placed his finger under her chin. She struggled, but could do nothing since her hands were tied. He gently lifted her chin up to face him. "My dear," he breathed "I have every intention of getting away with it. You don't know how powerful I can be". With that he drew his lips towards hers to kiss her, and just before they met, he turned slightly and kissed the side of her cheek. She drew back as he laughed, shivering under his touch. "I will see you again, my lovely" he said as he turned and left the room, a loud thud echoing as the door slammed and locked behind him.

"We haven't found her!" Will exclaimed to Garn after having been up all night beside himself. "I want to see the Governor and Galen. I want to go down and search the underworld". "I'll set up a meeting for you this afternoon" Garn promised. "We'll find her, Will. She must be here somewhere". Data had contacted the Enterprise, but as he was talking to Captain Picard a priority one message came through from fleet headquarters, calling the Enterprise away on a one-day mission to help a vessel that was in trouble. "Would you like me to send Worf down, Mr. Data?" "No, I think that will be too many cooks in the kitchen" Data replied as the Captain rubbed his forehead at the odd use of an old earth saying. "Alright, Number One, make sure you find her and that she is safe. I trust you and Will to handle this. Picard out". At that the communication ended and Data joined Will in the dining commons to let him know the news. "I'm meeting with Galen and Pleri this afternoon." Will said. "I'll be insisting that Galen take me down to look for her". "Very good, Will" Data replied. "I shall continue to work with the science officers. It appears the wormhole may be de-stabilizing and I want to be sure to find a solution before we lose it". Will nodded at Data and they both went their separate ways.

That afternoon Will anxiously went to the government building for his meeting. Galen and Pleri were both there, as planned. They motioned for Will to have a seat. "I haven't found her" Will stated. "I want to search the underworld". Galen looked to Pleri then back to Will. "No need" he said, simply. "We have her." "What?!" Will asked, not believing what he'd just heard. "What are you saying?" Will's heart dropped to his stomach. "She is resting comfortably, Mr. Riker. I have seen personally to her safety, my men will not attack her. However, if you do not cooperate with us, (Will noticed he put the emphasis on the word us) I will release her to them, and believe me, Will" he growled "you don't want to know what she will endure". Will jumped to his feet and leapt for Galen, who stopped him with his hands and Pleri intervened and shoved Will back down into the chair. "You're in on this?!" Will said, incredulously, looking at Pleri. "Mr. Riker, I assure you we are working in tandem and Galen will do what he said. If you care about her at all, I strongly advise you to cooperate." "What do you want?" Will snapped. "We want that wormhole stabilized, and we'll be taking over the rights to it. Myself and the Grugs" Pleri said. "We want you to not speak of this to anyone, not even your commanding officer, but we want you to know what the stakes are. Once you've discovered the formula, bring it to us, then we will set her free." "And Mr. Riker" Galen warned "we have spies everywhere, including the science department. I assure you, if we find out you've told anyone of this, she will die." Will knew they were speaking the truth. He was in a state of shock. Was Deanna really safe? How could he trust them? He knew he had to come up with a plan. "She'd better be safe, Galen" he growled. "Or you're going to wish you were never born". "Oh Mr. Riker" Galen sneered wickedly, "I assure you I will take very very good care of your lovely". Will's stomach turned at the thought of Galen so much as touching Deanna, and he knew he had to do something soon. He returned to his quarters to think. He would tell Data, he knew that for sure, but what to do beyond that, he did not know. It was possible he could come up with the formula in another day or so, he was sure of that, but he couldn't deliver it to them and allow them to take over. He simply needed to find Deanna first. But how to get to the underground? He went to bed with his mind turning and coming up with solutions.

The next morning he met with Data. In his non-emotional voice Data explained how the previous day he had finally cracked the code, and they were in the process of stabilizing the wormhole now. Will wished to God he could get that code and just give it to Galen and get his beloved back, but he knew that he couldn't. Will explained everything that had happened to Data and what his plan was. "I'm going to wait for Galen, until I see him, and follow him back to see where the entrance is to the underworld. Then after some time, I will go down and hopefully use the element of surprise to my advantage. Then I will rescue Deanna." "I will go with you" Data said and Will nodded. "Except that another element has occurred that I have not shared yet. An energy beam appears to be coming back through the wormhole into our quadrant, and it appears to be headed towards the planet. It has the potential to destroy everything in its path. It's made up of electrical particles, and I am going to attempt to communicate with it. So we have a dilemma. Both the planet's safety and the Counselor's safety are in jeopardy. I suggest you save the Counselor while I save the planet." Will smiled at Data's childlike simplicity. He thought for a moment. "Data, that energy beam sounds like the one I encountered on the planet when Deanna was taken. I mean, the other Deanna that no one believes existed." Data replied simply "I believe it is, Will. Its properties are quite similar. It may even be heading back there." Will shivered at the thought of encountering the beam again, the thing that had changed his life in so many ways. "Good luck, Data" he said as he patted him on the back. "And to you" Data replied.

Deanna had tried unsuccessfully to get her hands untied, but the knots were too tight. She wandered the room looking for any way out. She sighed and sat down on the bed. She wondered if Will knew of her plight by now and her heart reached out to him, but the thickness and depths of the caves kept any telepathic communication at bay. She felt weary and scared. She knew the men down there were like animals, and Galen was obviously attracted to her. But she didn't know if Galen and Pleri were men of their word and would keep her safe. She shivered every time she thought of it. Would Will be able to rescue her? Her heart ached for him, against her wishes. He affected her in a way no man ever had, as if he was able to touch her very soul. She sighed again and looked around the room. It was nighttime, of that she was sure. She wondered where Galen was. Just then, she heard the heavy door creak and open, and Galen stepped inside with one of his men. They were talking some business that she didn't understand, then Galen dismissed him and he left, but not before turning and taking a long leering look at her. She looked away, and Galen closed the door. He then approached the bed and sat on the edge of it and sighed. Deanna quickly scooted back against the headboard. "Well, my dear, your boyfriend has agreed to cooperate. I told you he would". "You'll never get away with it" Deanna stated again. Galen took a deep breath and ran his fingers through his hair, obviously tired, then looked at Deanna. He took in her face, the soft curves of her cheekbones and lushness of her lips. He looked lower to her beautiful neckline and the lovely curves of her body. She was indeed a beauty. "I promised him I'd take very good care of you" Galen smiled. Deanna didn't like his smile at all. "Very good care" he repeated quietly as he reached out to touch her hands, then slid his fingers up along her arm. Deanna flinched and glared at him. "Get your hands off me" she snapped. "Or what?" he laughed. "You should feel honored. I can make this very….pleasurable for you". With that Deanna threw her leg up and kicked him on the side of his face, sending him reeling. "Shit!" he yelled as he put his hand to his cheek and came back at her while she kicked and flailed her legs as hard as she could. He grabbed both of her ankles and anchored them to the bed, then knelt in between her legs, forcing her to straddle on either side of him. She could no longer kick him. His face was even with hers, and he looked very angry. Then, a slow smile crept across his face. Deanna was panting heavily, her legs curled around him as he knelt in front of her, her hands tied tightly down at her waist, her back up against the headboard. She was trapped. He reached down again with his fingers and ran them up along her arm to her shoulder, then slowly towards her neck, then down along her collar bone leaving goose bumps where ever he touched. He drew his fingers slowly down to where her uniform neckline met her breasts. "Please" Deanna pleaded as she wiggled against him, trying to move away. "I can be very gentle" he said softly as he leaned in to kiss her. She threw her head back against the headboard with a crack, and opened her mouth to scream. His lips were on hers in an instant, silencing her scream, as he began to kiss her gently at first, then more forcefully as he began to feel her effects. His hand slid around her waist and he pushed her up harder against the board, moving in closer so that he was pressed up against her. She fought as hard as she could but there was nowhere to move. He felt her relax a little, realizing she had no way of fighting back, and he slid his tongue into her mouth as she grunted and he thrust it in harder and harder, almost choking her. He withdrew his tongue and began kissing down her neck as Deanna squirmed again, and cried "Please don't!" But her pleading only fueled his desire more. He bit her neck, and then her shoulder, as Deanna shivered, her arms and legs trembling. Then he reached up and grabbed her dress and yanked it down, exposing her shoulder and the top of her breast. He kissed her over and over breathing heavily and as he made his way down further and Deanna yelled "NO!" Just at that moment an alarm sounded and Galen, startled, jumped up to see one of his men bursting through the door. The man leered at Deanna's exposed shoulder, then looked up to Galen. "Intruder alert" he said breathlessly as he and Galen ran out the door and slammed it shut behind him. "Will" Deanna breathed, as her body shook and she felt his strong comforting presence envelop her.

Data was getting ready to do something he had not done before. He had taken a shuttlecraft out into space to be closer to the wormhole. They had stabilized it, and the energy beam he had detected was coming through at a quick speed. He wanted to intercept it and see if he could communicate to it, since they were both run by electrical impulses, there was some similarity there. He had tethered himself to the outside of the ship, and placed himself dead center of the area the energy beam was about to pass by. He hoped he could catch its attention in time, assuming it was a sentient being. He floated and waited, his eyes taking in the bright beam of light that was headed his way. The scientists from the planet down below watched in wonder. The beam came closer and closer, and Data calculated what he could to send impulse signals into it before it reached him. He calculated and sent trying different algorhythms that it might understand. The beam came closer and the science officers gasped. All of a sudden it hit him, but instead of passing through and disintegrating him as all had expected, it stopped, just stopped, and enveloped him. Data floated there, suspended in the midst of the energy beam trying to communicate with it. It was an eerie and odd thing to see from the planet down below. As Data scanned the beam he could be heard to say "fascinating" over and over again. He modulated his impulses and then began communication. For minutes that seemed like hours a conversation passed between him and the beam, and the officers down below stood in wonderment. After some time, the conversation was done, and the beam continued on its way, passing through Data and avoiding Palotti. The room in the science building erupted in cheers. The energy beam was returning to its home world. Data reeled himself in to where he was tethered and got himself back into the shuttlecraft, returning to the planet. All of the science officers knew he would have quite a story, and they waited anxiously.

Will had seen Galen when he left the government building and followed behind him, careful not to be detected. When Galen entered a tunnel, Will followed, barely able to see in the darkness. Then he saw Galen lift up what looked like an old earth manhole cover, and lower himself into the hole. Will stayed where he was and waited for some time, before doing the same. He snuck down as quietly as he could, and thanked his lucky stars no one was in the main area waiting. He heard Galen talking to someone, then quickly went and hid behind some furniture. Galen turned to walk down a long corridor, but just as Will was going to follow him, a group of people enter the room and sat down, having a conversation while they waited for one of their friends. Will sighed and new he'd need to stay still until they left, which took quite a long time. Finally, they did leave, and just as Will got up to follow where Galen had gone, one of Galen's men came up behind him. "Who are you?" he demanded. He turned and ran towards a device on the cave wall that Will recognized as an alarm. He was going to activate it. Will jumped in his direction and grabbed at him, pulling him down to the floor and knocking him out with a fist. But it was too late. The klaxon rang loudly, indicating an intruder.

Data walked into the room to cheers from his fellow comrades in the science building. "You did it!" one of them yelled. "I did my Starfleet duty" Data said matter-of-factly. "What did you find out? Did that thing talk to you?" another one asked. "It did indeed" Data said. "But it is not a…thing. It is…many things. It is many lifeforms that move in unison and are all attached to each other. They exist on a planet where they lay dormant for months at a time, like hibernation. Then they come out to feed on electric particles in the air, but as they do this, they inadvertently destroy whatever is in their path. They have deep regret for this, but don't know how to stop it. The beam that I encountered had broken off briefly from the others to look for some answers and got sucked into the wormhole. When we stabilized it, the beam was free to return. That's when we encountered it. "Did they find any answers?" one of the officers asked. "I gave them some" Data simply said.

"Well, perhaps the alarm malfunctioned" Galen said as he entered Deanna's room again. The other man simply nodded in agreement. "but keep looking" Galen told him. They just stood there while the man stared at Deanna. "Well, get going!" Galen scolded. The other man turned quickly and exited to go continue his search. Unbeknownst to he and Galen, Will had found enough juts out of the cave wall to scramble up it, where there was some scaffolding holding up a crumbling part of the ceiling of the cave, and no one thought to look for him there as he hid. Galen turned towards Deanna and smiled. "now where were we, my love?" He approached her as Deanna squared her shoulders, readying herself for a fight. "You'd make it a lot easier on yourself if you'd just enjoy me." he said with a smirk. "Never." she said in a low and commanding voice. Galen simply shrugged. "Suit yourself. I'll have you either way". He went to the edge of the bed and grabbed her by her arms and lifted her to standing position as she tried to stomp on his foot. He kicked her foot away and pulled her body quickly up to his, pressing into her. Her hands were still tied, and he grabbed one of his hands around her waist and the other cradling her neck. He tilted her head back. "God, you're beautiful" he whispered as he pressed his lips to hers and began to forcefully kiss her. He pushed his tongue into her again and took in all the taste of her, pushing it further and further inside. Deanna tried to scream but couldn't. He lowered his hand and clutched her backside tightly and she struggled to free herself, panicked that this was really going to happen. "Let. Her. Go." Galen swung his head around quickly, still clutching Deanna, to see Will Riker standing there with a dark and murderous look in his eyes. Galen swung Deanna around to his front, an arm around her waist, and with his other hand pulled a knife from a pocket inside his jacket. "Well, well, Mr. Riker. An intruder indeed. As you can see, I am taking _very_ good care of your beloved." He emphasized the word very as he ran his free hand slowly down her waistline and along her hip. Deanna struggled to break free, but Galen was holding the knife to her neck. "I've got the formula" Will said with a steely voice. "That means you have to let her go". Galen thought for a moment. "There is no honor among the Grugs" he said. "Tell me the formula or I'll kill her". "That would be an unwise choice" a voice said as Data stepped through the doorway. At that moment Will pulled out his phaser and shot a light hanging from the ceiling that crashed down beside Galen and Deanna, causing Galen to release her momentarily as she ran towards Will and Data grabbed Galen by the throat and lifted him off the floor. "You will come with me" Data said as he set Galen down, took him by the arm and led him to the doorway. "I'm glad to see you are well, Counselor" Data nodded to her as he walked by. Once Data and Galen were gone Will brushed his hand along Deanna's cheek, then took her in his arms. "Are you alright? Did he hurt you?" Deanna tried to talk but could only start crying as Will said "Shhhh. It's OK. I'm here now" and gently pulled her to him. She began to sob in great heaves, finally allowing herself to feel the terror and revulsion at all that had happened to her. Will held her shaking body, kissing her hair over and over again. "Imzadi" he whispered, but this time it wasn't a word she cringed at, it was a word she welcomed. When she finally had sobbed everything out, she looked up at him with tear-stained cheeks. "Will, if you hadn't come…." "Shhhhh" he reassured her. "I did come. I'm here now. You're safe." He pulled her to him again and just held her, they stood there for a long time just soaking up each other's presence. Will breathed her in and opened his mind, allowing her full access. She rested her mind within his, receiving his comfort and strength.

"I don't know how we can thank you enough" Garn said to Will, Data, and Deanna as they were preparing to transport back to the Enterprise. "Galen and Pleri are both in prison, though I do feel sad we made no progress towards negotiating peace" he said as he looked to Deanna. "Perhaps these events will cause the Grugs to re-think things" she said, hoping to reassure him. "Perhaps so" he said. "Three to transport" Data said into his combadge as the white glitters slowly enveloped them. In the transporter room Captain Picard and Beverly greeted them. "It is good to see you Counselor" the Captain smiled at Deanna. "yes, and let me make sure you are OK Deanna" Beverly said as she began to lead her towards sick bay. Deanna turned around to give one last look to Will, who gave her a wink and nodded his head in reassurance. "Well done Will" the Captain said as he shook Will's hand. "I allowed her to be captured" Will said as he looked down. "Nonsense." The Captain replied. "From what I understand from Mr. Data, you acted in a most courageous and brave Starfleet fashion". Will smiled as he looked up at his Captain. "And I understand you have much to share with me, Mr. Data". "Much indeed" Data responded as they headed towards the Captain's ready room. Later that evening Will rang the chime to Deanna's quarters. "Come" he heard her say. The door slid open and her room was bathed in the glow of many candles spread throughout the room, the heady scent of jasmine filling the air. Deanna was relaxing in her chair with a book, and Will could tell she had been calming herself after the day's events. "Will" she said as he entered and the door slid shut behind him. For a moment there was awkwardness, neither knowing what to say. "Deanna, I uh…." Will started. Deanna sighed and motioned for him to sit down. "I know" she said. "There's this thing. This thing between us. You can't get away from it, and I can't get away from it, though God knows I've tried". "Deanna, it's just that I want to be near you. All the time. It's driving me crazy." "Me too" she said. He was taken aback at her admission. Deanna leaned forward and reached up and caressed his cheek. "Imzadi" she whispered. He grabbed her hand and brought it to his mouth and kissed it. "My hero". She said. Will smiled. "I did come and rescue the damsel in distress, didn't I?" he asked, puffing his chest out. Deanna chuckled. "Yes, you did." After another moment of silence Will looked into Deanna's eyes. "Did he hurt you?" Deanna sat back and shook her head. "Not in the way you're thinking, but he would have". Will's shoulders felt as if a huge weight had been lifted off of them. "Deanna, if he had hurt you I don't know what I would've done…." "I know" she whispered as she brought her hand to his cheek again. For a long moment they stared into each other's eyes. The electricity held them in their gaze, neither feeling able to breathe. Then Will slowly, ever so slowly, leaned forward and placed his lips on hers in the most gentle and loving kiss she had ever experienced. Her heart stopped beating, and much to Will's surprise she didn't pull away. She didn't run away. She didn't push him away. "I think I love you" he whispered as he drew her closer and kissed her again, this time with more passion. She returned his kiss and allowed herself to melt into his arms. She had never felt a safer place. She had never felt a place more right. They kissed deeply and decadently for what seemed an eternity, then regretfully broke apart, both breathless. "Will, we need to talk" Deanna said, as she sighed and leaned back into her chair. He knew this was coming. Finally, he would get some answers.

"You gave them answers?" the Captain asked Data, trying to understand the exchange of communication. "Yes sir" Data replied. "They were searching for a way to survive and feed themselves without destroying other life". "And you told them how" the Captain still wasn't quite following. "I gave them the electrical impulse codes to alter the effect they had on beings and growth around them, while still being able to eat." "Fascinating" the Captain said. Data continued to share what he and the energy beings had communicated back and forth. The more he shared, the more the Captain's eyes grew wide. "Merde!" Captain Picard exclaimed after Data had finished. "I recommend we do not tell him sir. At least not yet". The Captain agreed. "It could be too overwhelming. For both he and the Counselor". "It will be too overwhelming for everyone" the Captain said, solemnly.

"My mother and my father were imzadi" Deanna began her story. "He was a Starfleet captain and had been abducted by an alien. This alien had a fascination with the imzadi bond, they wanted to know how it worked, that there was power in it. They were a telepathic species and were able to enter his mind and….break it, thinking they could learn more about it that way. They were ruthless, searching and probing his mind to see what effect this had. Back on earth my mother passed out, and almost died, when the bond was so severely and abruptly broken. In this state, with the broken bond and my mother unconscious, the alien beings killed my father, his spirit forever severed from my mother's. The imzadi bond had been broken by someone not of Betazoid, and it could no longer be passed on. It could no longer exist." Will's head bowed at the gruesomeness and how he knew Deanna had suffered at the loss of her father. "I'm so sorry" he whispered sadly as he placed his hand on hers. Deanna nodded and continued. "So now you know why I kept running away from you. When I first heard you call my name in my office, I could sense your mind, and it just grew stronger and stronger the more time we spent together, until finally I heard it and felt it". "Imzadi" Will said. "Yes." Deanna replied. "And Will, I was engaged at the time. And the imzadi bond didn't exist anymore. All of Betazed had a ceremony, essentially grieving its loss. I thought I was losing my mind. I thought I was hallucinating". Will thought for a split second about telling her about his bond with the other Deanna, but then thought better of it. "I couldn't reconcile it. And I certainly couldn't tell my mother, it would break her heart." "Wouldn't she be happy for you?" Will asked. "I think she would eventually, but initially it would just remind her of what she had experienced of the ripping of the bond with my father". Will understood. He could see Deanna's dilemma. "And what now?" he asked, genuinely curious as to her answer. "Well the cat's out of the bag, and I don't think we can make it go back in". Will laughed at her unusual use of an old earth metaphor. "My mind and my heart want to be with you every moment too, Will". Will reached for her hand and held it. "So we date" he said to her questioning expression. "We spend time together, get to know each other, see where it leads". Deanna nodded. "I suppose that could work" she smiled. "And since I'm a civilian" Will stated "you can't use that ridiculous excuse of 'not while we're serving on the same ship, Imzadi' he said in a mocking tone. When he saw Deanna's shocked and confused expression, he realized she would have no idea what he was talking about. "Well, it would be a ridiculous excuse" he continued "since technically, I'm not serving. I'm working for a living". This explanation seemed to satisfy her and he gave her a huge hug goodnight, never wanting to let her go. They parted ways with a date set up for the following Friday evening.

Will returned to his quarters and pulled out his journal. "My life story" he mused as he opened it to catch up on his writing. It started with the day he met the first Deanna on Betazed and continued all the way up to their most recent mission. "No one would believe this story" he thought. "I'd have to present it as fiction". He began to fill in the pages again, with what had happened on the mission with this new Deanna, and the excitement and thrill of a fresh start with her. No past to haunt them. With this Deanna, had he never hurt her, and it was as if they'd met for the first time and were now slowly falling in love. "How many men get a second chance?" he thought. But then, for a moment, he missed his Deanna. They'd had a second chance too. He set the book down and moved to the windows to stare out at the stars. "I'm sorry, Deanna" he said to the universe. "I miss you".

Friday night came quickly and Will had set up a holodeck program for his and Deanna's date. Paris, France. And one of the most amazing restaurants he could ever replicate. "The city for lovers" Deanna said as she walked through the holodeck door. He smiled at her. "It's beautiful, Will" she said in awe as she looked over the city from the balcony of their restaurant, the lights glittered and sparkled, the Eiffel tower rose like a sentry in the distance. "My lady" he said as he took her hand and led her into the restaurant. Lilting French music was playing in the background and he pulled out her chair for her as they sat down to their table. There was beautiful crusty French bread warm and waiting for them as the waiter handed them their menus. Deanna looked around at the well-dressed couples that filled the room. Candles were glowing on every table, highlighting the gold decorative touches in the room of the centuries old building. Deanna could feel the history, the elegance, the charm. Will ordered French brandy while Deanna asked for a martini, straight up with olives. Will raised his eyebrow. "You go in for the hard stuff?" he asked her. She chuckled and raised her glass. "Only when I'm feeling particularly frolicsome". "Frolicsome?" he waggled his eyebrows suggestively. She laughed and took a large sip and savored it as it glided down her throat and instantly warmed her. "To having a hell of a lot of fun together" Will said as he toasted and clinked Deanna's glass. "Well said, Mr. Riker" Deanna replied. When the food arrived they both indulged in its richness and pleasure, oxtail stew for Will, Coques St. Jacques for Deanna. They talked of many things; ship's business, their recent mission, her childhood on Betazed, his childhood in Alaska. They laughed and toasted and mused about how they'd come to find each other. Will still felt a tinge of guilt every time he thought about his history with his other Deanna, but how could he tell her? She'd think he was crazy. She might even feel insulted. He knew it was a secret he'd have to take with him to his grave. For dessert Deanna ordered chocolate mousse upon Will's urging. She had said she didn't like chocolate, but he told her at a French restaurant, chocolate is a must. "Mmmmm" she said as she slid the luscious smoothness into her mouth. "Not bad". Will smiled as he remembered his Deanna and her chocolate sundaes. After dinner they decided to go for a walk along the Seine and Will gently took her hand in his as she felt tingles go up and down her arm. Hand in hand they walked, gasping in awe at the beauty of the city, especially at night. Will pointed out various architecture to her, things he knew from his days on earth. Eventually they came across a launching dock, where people could take slow boat rides down the Seine. "Want to?" he said, looking at her. Deanna thought for a moment. "Yes" she replied. They ran down the stairs to where the dock was and Will paid for a full boat ride along the Seine River. It was a small boat with soft cushions and a quiet motor. A navigator sat in the back of the boat guiding and steering it, while Will and Deanna sat in the front. It was narrow enough that she had to sit between his legs, and he took the folded soft blanket offered to them when he felt her shiver, and wrapped it snuggly around her, while clasping his arms around her. She relaxed and leaned back into him, and they began their boat ride. The gentle lilting waves were calming, and the boat's motor offered a soothing hum. Deanna felt so safe, so at ease in Will's arms. They were quiet for a long time, just enjoying each other's presence and the city. Will could smell the fragrance of lilacs coming from Deanna's hair, not unlike the waft of lilacs from his own Deanna. He inhaled deeply and rested his chin on the top of her head. God, he loved this woman. She snuggled in an nearly fell asleep. When the ride was over Will took Deanna's hand and helped her disembark. There was a 24 hour flower market a few steps from the dock they were on, and he led her there and bought her a bouquet of lilacs. "It reminds me of your hair" he smiled as he handed it to her. She took it and breathed it in, and placed her arm inside Will's. "I hate for this to end" she said, softly. "Me too" he replied. They stepped through the archway of the holodeck and Will walked Deanna back to her quarters. The magical feeling went with them, and when they reached her door she looked up to him. "I had a wonderful time, Will. Thank you so much". "I did too, Deanna" he replied. "Taking a beautiful woman to a beautiful city, I'm the luckiest man in the world". She blushed slightly and looked down, and he took his hand and lifted her chin gently. "You are amazing, you know that?" he whispered as he placed his lips on hers. She was enthralled with him and gave in to him completely, relishing his kiss, his taste, his touch. He drew his arms around her more tightly, pulling her in, as he kissed her again, and again, gentle, loving, passionate kisses. They were both completely lost in each other, until one lone crewman came down the hall, clearing his throat to let them know he was there. Will pulled back and smiled at the man, Deanna blushed again as he passed by. Once he was gone, Will lifted his hand and ran his fingers down Deanna's hair. "Until our next date" he said, with a twinkle in his eye. Deanna smiled and turned as her door slid open and she went inside. When the door closed, on either side were two people with huge grins on their faces.

Will and Deanna continued to "date" as he called it. He was taking things slowly with her and was going to ensure that he handled their relationship well. They were falling ever more deeply in love with each other. One of their favorite places to meet was the arboretum, for its beauty and serenity. They would often sit on a bench by the fountain, just listening to the musical water falling, and talking, and sometimes kissing. It was here that Will proposed and Deanna accepted. Word spread quickly throughout the ship, and though his crewmates smiled behind his back at the thought that Will was marrying the woman with the same name he imagined had gone missing, they were happy for him, for his recovery, for his good fortune. As Will and Deanna began to plan their wedding, they would often meet in ten forward to discuss what they wanted. On one particular night a new shipment of actarian brandy had come in, and it was heavy, so Guinan had asked Will to help her carry it to the back room. "I see things are progressing nicely" she said to him. "You mean with Deanna?" he asked. "I mean with the universe" she replied. Will always had to chuckle at Guinan's cryptic wisdom. But he had to agree, the universe, for him, was progressing nicely. Deanna had arrived while Will was still in back so she went to their favorite corner and gazed out at the stars, musing over her good fortune as well. She was in love with Will. She had found her imzadi. But everytime she thought of that word, she still thought of her mother and cringed. She knew they would both have to eventually explain things to her, but were avoiding it at the moment. She sensed Will's presence behind her. "There you are" she said as she turned and wrapped her arms around him, raining kisses over his mouth and his cheeks. He raised his eyebrows and smiled, starting to give her kisses back. "What the hell?" A low booming voice yelled from beside the bar and started coming toward them with a fury. Deanna stepped back, her eyes widening in surprise, then confusion, then horror. "Will" she gasped as she looked from one to the other". "What the hell are you doing with my fiancé, Thomas?" Will yelled as he grabbed his twin's arm and swung him around, nearly knocking him over. "Hey, she was kissing me" Thomas defended himself. "Yeah, and you were sure resisting there, weren't you?" Will sneered as he gave Thomas a dirty look. "Nice to see you too, brother" Thomas smiled. "Sorry 'bout that". Will turned to Deanna to offer some explanation, but she was on the floor. She had fainted and was out cold. Guinan brought some smelling salts she happened to have, seeing the whole awkward scenario, and waved them under Deanna's nose. Her eyes fluttered, then opened. She took in a deep breath. "I think something's wrong with me. I'm seeing two of you" she said to the two concerned faces staring down into hers. Will took her hand and helped her to her feet. "I'm so sorry, Deanna. This is my brother, Thomas. Thomas, please meet my fiancé, Deanna". Thomas gave Will a perplexed look and said "We already know each other, brother, remember?" Deanna looked from one to the other in confusion, while Will kicked Thomas lightly in the foot, communicating for him to play along. "Oh" said Thomas. "Nice to meet you, Deanna". He took her hand and kissed it, and Deanna felt an odd tingle, like that of imzadi. How could she be imzadi to two men? She knew they were brothers, but…"Deanna, would you mind if I take my leave tonight to talk to my brother and see what he's doing here?" he said through clenched teeth. "Of course, Will" Deanna nodded as she sat down at the table, still collecting herself, still in shock. Will kissed the top of her head and said "I'll see you later on", and he and Thomas left ten forward to return to his quarters.

"What in the hell are you doing here?" Will demanded of Thomas. "I came to help you look for Deanna. I was on leave from secret service but you know I can't use any or starfleet's communications, so I beamed onboard and I wanted to help." Thomas replied. Will sensed the sincerity in his voice, though he was still mad at his brother for returning Deanna's kisses. "However, I see you've already found her". Thomas added. "No, Thomas, that's not Deanna" Will replied. Thomas tilted his head and grinned. "Brother, you truly have lost your mind. That was as Deanna as Deanna can get" he said as he smirked at Will. Will grabbed him by the collar and lifted him to face level. "Look brother, you know I love you but if you touch her again, I'll kill you. "Understood" Thomas agreed. "And it is not Deanna". "It is". "It's not". Will sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. "It's complicated, Tom. But we never found Deanna, the one that you know. This is a different Deanna that I met on earth." "What the hell?" Thomas queeried. "She doesn't know you, and didn't know me before we met on earth. Her entire history is different than what we remember". Will explained. "Does this have something to do with that energy beam taking our Deanna away?" Thomas asked. "Yes" Will replied. "But you've fallen in love with this Deanna?" "Yes I have". "And you're going to marry her?" "Yes I am". "Huh." Thomas said. Wish I'd known about it, I would've gotten to her first". Will laughed and shook his head at his brother's persistence. "I don't like feeling like this Deanna doesn't know me. I don't like the idea that Deanna is gone". Thomas said, solemnly. "I know" Will placed his hand on Tom's shoulder. It's been quite a blow. But I've truly found happiness with this Deanna, and I think I'm ready to move on." "Then I will too". Thomas said sadly as he patted Will's arm. "I should probably let her get to know me since we'll be family soon" Thomas grinned. "Mind your manners, brother" Will chided as they left to go see Deanna again in ten forward. She was still there trying to figure things out. "Will why didn't you ever tell me you had a twin?" Deanna asked. "I guess I just forgot" he chuckled as Thomas kicked him under the table. The three talked for a long time, Thomas sharing his history with her, leaving the part out where she and he had been lovers, and the part about how he came to be a duplicate. Deanna was intrigued with him, he was so much like Will. After a long night Thomas excused himself to retire to the guest quarters and Will walked Deanna back to her room. "Will?" She said as they arrived at her door. "Yes, my love" he answered her. "I feel the imzadi bond when I touch Thomas. That's not supposed to happen". Will was taken aback by her pronouncement and stammered and hemmed and hawed for a moment. He couldn't tell her that Thomas was his duplicate in every way and he had an imzadi bond with her as well. That part of their history was not her history. "Maybe it has to do with twins?" he said. She thought for a moment. "Maybe" she said as she stood on her tip toes to kiss the tip of his nose. "Will, we have to talk to mother soon". She said. Will let out a deep sigh. He knew Luwaxana Troi, This would not be easy. "I know" he told her. "Maybe tomorrow we can schedule a time".

Will retired to his quarters with much more to write of his story. It grew curiouser and curiouser all the time. After spending a week on the enterprise Thomas left and Will and Deanna both saw him off. "I like your brother" Deanna said. "I imagined you would" Will smiled. "I'll take you to meet my father before the wedding too." "And we see mother next week" Deanna said. "God help us" Will said as Deanna slapped him on the arm.

"William Riker! To what do I owe this honor?" Lwaxana bellowed, waving her arms as Will entered the mansion behind Deanna. They'd decided to not tell her Will was coming, there'd be too many questions beforehand. "It's a pleasure to see you again, Mrs. Troi" he said as he took her hand and kissed it. "Lwaxana, Will, please call me Lwaxana!" "You two know each other?" Deanna asked in a shocked tone. "Oh shit" Will thought. He had completely forgotten to tell her about his conversation with her mother when he was asking about the other Deanna. He'd simply always agreed with her when she shared how difficult Lwaxana could be, so Deanna would have no reason to suspect. "Oh Deanna" he said. "It was such a long time ago. It was ridiculous of me to not tell you. I think a part of me probably thought I already had". Deanna looked at him with suspicious eyes before her mother interrupted. "Young one, I tried to set you and Will up at one time". "Mother, don't call me that!" Will laughed again at the similarities this Deanna had with the other one. "I told you I was stationed on Betazed once, remember?" Will said to Deanna. She nodded. "Well, I worked with your mother on some diplomatic issues and she showed me a holo photo of you. I said you were beautiful. And several years ago we talked by communiqué, for old time's sake." "But he was far more interested in his career, young…I mean Deanna". Lwaxana interrupted. Deanna looked at Will and raised her eyebrows. "A stellar carographer?" Lwaxana was about to disagree but Will interrupted. "Anyway, Lwaxana, we are here to talk to you about something important." "Well, please, make yourself at home, Will". He and Deanna sat down together on the couch opposite. "Lwaxana, I've asked your daughter to marry me, and she's accepted" Will said as he exhaled his anxiety. "Go on" Lwaxana said, knowing there was more. Deanna took in a deep breath, then let it out. "Mother" she began hesitantly "we're imzadi". Lwaxana stood abruptly and walked toward the window, staring out of it. After some moments she said quietly "I know". "You know?" her daughter asked. Lwaxana turned around, the pain evident in her eyes. "I knew from the moment I met him on Betazed, Deanna. Why do you think I tried to get him interested in you?" "You knew?!" Deanna exclaimed. "You've known all this time and yet you tried to marry me off to Mylon?!" Deanna was furious. "Oh young one" Lwaxana turned with a flourish, waving her hands wildly in the air. "You know how tradition is on this planet, and the imzadi bond wasn't even supposed to exist! I thought I was imagining it! I wasn't even sure if I wanted it to be true!" Deanna saw the pain behind her mother's exclamations. "Mother" she said quietly "I'm sorry". "Oh nonsense, Deanna" Lwaxana said as she came over and put her arm around her daughter. "I'm happy for you. All I can think is that the bond between you and William must be so strong that it broke through whatever that….alien…..did to your father and I". Deanna hugged her mother back, knowing she was reliving the pain. "I'm sorry it can't be you and daddy" she said, tears now flowing down her face. "But it is, my daughter. Your father and I produced you, and you marrying William will forever re-instate the imzadi bond to our world. Your father and I were partly responsible for that." Deanna smiled at how her mother could always turn things around to the positive. "Welcome to the family, William" Lwaxana said as she gave him a tight hug. Will hugged her back, thinking how odd this was considering his relationship with Lwaxana in his previous Deanna's life. She hadn't even liked him then. "Thanks, Lwaxana". "Now you two scoot back to that ship of yours. I've got planning to do!" "Mother, we're not sure yet if we want a betazoid wedding…" Lwaxan interrupted "Nonsense, young one. That is one tradition we won't be breaking. I must see that Captain of yours in all his glory". Deanna rolled her eyes at Will. "some things never change" he thought, ironically.

Will and Deanna continued to plan their weddings, as they would now have two, one on the ship, and one on Betazed. The time was growing close, and one evening Deanna had a question for Will and asked the computer his whereabouts. "William Riker is in the arboretum". Deanna smiled. She headed to the park to join him. Will was sitting on their favorite bench writing in his notebook. Deanna always loved to see him writing, always wondering what was in that little book. "My life story" he would simply say "and that includes you". She snuck up behind him and placed her hands around his eyes, allowing her hair to fall around his shoulders. "Mmmmm…I smell flowers. It must be Ensign…" "Hey!" she smacked his arm as he looked up to give her a kiss. "Am I interrupting your writing?" she asked. "No, I was just finishing up" he said as he closed the book and placed it beside him, reaching around to grab her arm and pull her to the front and down onto his lap. "Careful, you might get my mind going in a wrong direction"…."Your mind?" Will huffed as he rolled his eyes. "What about mine?" Will and Deanna had decided to wait for their wedding night to be together. She felt it was something far too sacred for imzadi couples, and he was happy, though frustrated, to oblige her. She leaned in and gave him a long passionate kiss. "Mmmmmmm" he groaned, grabbing her waist and pulling her in tighter. They kissed for several moments until she pulled her face back. "I actually came here for a reason" she teased. "I couldn't decide on which flowers to choose for our decorations, and now I want your help". "Now you want my help?" Will chided as Deanna had practically planned the whole wedding herself. "Yes" she said simply, as she showed him a padd she'd carried in with her with several options to choose from. "Hmmm…I think I like this…" Just then a voice came over Will's com badge. "Captain Picard to Will Riker" he heard the Captain say. "Yes sir" Will said. "Will, at your convenience, I'd like to see you in my ready room". "I can come right now, sir" he said as he looked to Deanna and she nodded her agreement. "Very well" the Captain said. "Did he sound concerned?" Will asked Deanna. "He kind of did" she replied. "I hope everything's OK". "I'm sure it is" he replied as he lifted her off his lap, stood her on the ground and leaned in to kiss her nose. "Keep the bench warm for me, imzadi". She smiled at how she loved when he said that word. "I will" she said softly.

When Will entered the ready room, he saw the Captain, Data, and Shereya sitting there. "Shereya, what the….?" "Have a seat Will" the Captain said before he could finish his sentence. Will looked to Shereya and noted the sad look in her eyes. Something was wrong. Something was terribly wrong. "Will, this is going to be a very difficult conversation, for all of us" he heard the Captain say as his head began to swim. "I'm sorry, Will" Shereya said as she placed her hand on his. "Sorry? Sorry for what?" he asked, feeling like he was at his own funeral. Captain Picard sighed and ran his hands along the top of his head. He thought for a moment, then began. "Will, Data brought back some interesting information from his communication with the energy beam". "I know that" Will replied. "No, but there's more that we haven't told you. We were waiting for the right time." The Captain responded. Will could hear his heart beating. "What is it" he asked. The Captain looked up to Data who began his explanation. "When I was in the energy beam and realized it was a part of the beam we encountered on our away mission on the planet, I asked them if they had taken any life away unintentionally when they almost passed through us. "Deanna" Will whispered. Data continued. "They explained that they had, a woman with long dark hair in a Starfleet uniform that had been deep in one of the caves. They couldn't help it, they didn't mean to." "They killed her!" Will yelled as he stood up abruptly, gritting his teeth. "Stand down, Will" the Captain said, trying to calm him. "Let Data finish". Will sat back down, his hands balled in fists. "The entity was grief-stricken that they had taken another life. So they tried an experiment. They tried to recreate Deanna Troi with all the information they could glean from her mind and place her back into the universe." "Sort of like a transporter beam, Will" the Captain continued. "They energized her molecules in the cave, and deposited her on earth, with an identity and history that they'd tried to duplicate the best they knew how". Will's head was spinning, as he remembered all the uncanny similarities between the two Deannas, the fact that she was a psychologist in the medical profession, the fact that she was Starfleet, the fact that she was imzadi with him, her mother's nickname for her, even the fact she had gotten drunk and he'd carried her back to her home. And all the other little uncanny things. Will couldn't speak. He couldn't breathe. He slowly looked up to Data and the Captain as the realization finally dawned on him. "Oh my god" he said softly. "She _is_ my Deanna!" "Yes, Will, she's one in the same person". The Captain responded. The room was quiet for a moment. Suddenly Will stood up again, his fists flailing as he exclaimed "and you didn't think to tell me when you first found out?" He looked from the Captain to Data and back to the Captain again. Shereya spoke up this time. "Will" she said softly. "We had to make a judgment call as to how this would affect your mental health. Deanna's mental health. That's why the Captain contacted me for advice." Will had not thought about how this news would be for Deanna. "She has an entire history that isn't real" Shereya said. "This could be devastating for her. We felt you were the best one to share this news with her". "But we needed to know your relationship with her was stable, on good terms". The Captain added. "She will need someone she trusts implicitly to hold onto for what is sure to be a rocky journey to healing". Shereya chimed in. "And you as well" she said, sadly. "Your whole life has been turned upside down for the second time. It will take a lot to work through it all" . Will sat down again, still trying to catch his breath. "The Deanna you know" he said to Shereya "is not the real Deanna". "In a sense, that's true" she said sadly. Will saw how this was affecting everyone. "Will" the Captain said as he stood and placed his hand on Will's shoulder. "The worst part about all of this is that I didn't believe you. We didn't believe you. I had you court-martialed". The Captain choked on his last word, and then Will saw something he never thought he'd see. He saw his Captain crying. Slow tears sliding gently down his cheeks. "I too, am guilty, Commander" Data said. Will's own eyes had tears in them now, seeing how his friends were so hurting because of what they'd done to him. And especially at Data's reference to his previous title. "Commander, indeed" the Captain repeated as he stepped away to look Will in the eyes. "I've already contacted Starfleet and they will be reinstating you to first officer of the Enterprise, with a medal of valor for your courage in searching for your comrade". The Captain managed a half-smile. "Data has agreed to step down and return to his second officer position". Will looked up to Data. "It's the least I can do, sir" he said. Will inhaled deeply and ran a hand through his hair. "This is all so much" he said. "Yes it is, number one" the Captain agreed. "Will, I don't know if you'll ever find it in your heart to forgive us, but I do hope you will agree to serve with me again. You are the finest first officer I've ever known. No offense, Mr. Data". "None taken" Data replied. "Well, I've got a lot to think about." Will said. "I don't know how I'm ever going to tell Deanna. I'm not sure what I'm going to do". "I'm here to help you with that" Shereya said as she stepped forward and took Will in her arms. They held each other for a long time and cried for all the pain that had occurred and never should have. The Captain and Data left them alone to discuss what the best possible strategy would be for telling Shereya's friend and the love of Will's life.

It was late when Will and Shereya finished, and he went back to Deanna's quarters to see if she was still up. He rang the chime. There was no answer. He rang it again. Still no answer. "Computer, locate Counselor Troi" he intoned. "Counselor Troi is in the arboretum" the computed stated. Will thought that was odd since it was so late, but he did know how Deanna loved the arboretum. Perhaps she had just stayed there this whole time. The arboretum was locked but Will remembered the access code and punched it in. The door opened. "Deanna?" he called out as he entered. "She must be back on our bench" he thought as he began to walk through the foliage and down the path. Just as he got to where the bench was, he saw her. She was sitting there, holding a book close to her chest, tears streaming down her face. Will recognized the book. "Oh my god" he whispered. Deanna turned to look at him. "When were you going to tell me, Will?" she demanded. "I…I…" Will couldn't get the words out. "You what? Were you enjoying having a second me in your life? Was I an appropriate substitute? Or are you really just half-ass crazy like everyone thought?" Will cleared his throat. "Deanna, it's not like that" he said. "Not like what? You meet someone who is almost an exact replica of someone you lost in a freak accident and it doesn't occur to you to tell her? Were you thinking of "your" Deanna the whole time you were with me? Was she a fantasy you dreamed up?" "Deanna…" Will started as he moved towards her and reached out his hand. "No!" she said sternly as she dropped the book and moved away. " I don't know what to think about your story, Will, or should I say _Commander_?" Deanna said sarcastically. "but I know that you owed it to me to tell me what was going on. Everyone else knew about this but me, and I feel like a fool. God, did Captain Picard hire me just because I shared a name with someone you thought you knew when you were serving aboard the ship? Was he trying to placate you?" "Deanna" Will said, starting to get angry. "I gave up my life and my career to search for you! I love you!" "Her" Deanna replied. "you searched for her". "No, you don't understand" Will began again but Deanna stood abruptly and began to storm past him. He grabbed her arm and she whirled around, a stern look on her face. "William Riker, don't you ever talk to me again. This is over. You're up to your ears in crazy, and what we had wasn't real. It was a substitute for one of your fantasies. Let. Me. Go." With that she tore the ring off her finger and threw it on the ground, and ran out of the arboretum sobbing. Will choked back a tear as he bent down to slowly pick up the ring. He placed it in his pocket, picked up his journal, and solemnly headed out of the arboretum back to his quarters.

"Come" Will said as the chime rang to his quarters. It had been a week since Deanna had spoken to him, and he knew she was serious about ending their relationship. He wondered who would visit him at this hour. The door opened and Beverly walked inside. "Beverly" he said. She walked towards him and rested her hand on his shoulder. "Will, I'm sorry it took me so long to get here. I was busy with an on-line symposium where I was teaching a class, but Jean-Luc filled me in on all the news." Will motioned towards the couch. "Have a seat, Doc". Beverly sat down and took Will's hands in both of hers. "Will, I'm so sorry. I was a fool and a jerk to you. I should've believed you". Will waved her off with his hand. "I'm not sure I'd believe me with a story like that and no one to coroberate it." "But still" Beverly said. "We were friends". "Were?" Will teased her. "Are" she qualified. "And I'd like to hear all about the first Deanna and what I missed by not remembering." With that Will filled her in on every detail, especially how she and Deanna had been best friends the how she was always trying to get them together. "It's amazing Will, that you got a second chance. But what about Deanna?" Bev asked. "She won't talk to me. She's broken off our engagement". Will said, sadness in his eyes. "Let me talk to her, Will". Will raised his eyebrows. If we were best friends at one time then I owe it to her. I can explain everything. I think I'm still in the business of trying to get you two together". She winked at Will. "It's a tall order, Bev. I wouldn't want to be in your shoes". "Then don't." she said. "Me and my shoes will do our best to straighten this out." With that Beverly stood and Will stood to give her a big hug. "Thanks" he said, tears welling up in his eyes. "I love her Beverly, god, I love her". "I know" she patted his hand." But I think it's good you're taking shore leave before you return as our first officer" she said. "You've been thorough a lot. That Alaskan air should clear your head". "Yeah, if dad and Thomas don't drive me insane first". "Indeed" Beverly smiled as she turned and left his quarters.

Deanna tried desperately to focus on the words on the page. She read a paragraph, then her mind drifted off to Will. She shook her head to erase the image, and tried to read again. She reread the same paragraph, then her thoughts once again turned to Will. "Damn" she though as she slammed the book shut and placed it on the table. "It's no use". It had been two weeks since she had ended her relationship with Will. She knew it was for the best, but she could not stop thinking about him. Everything reminded her of him. She couldn't focus. She thought of his face and his sweet smile and his soft lips, the way her kissed her with such devotion and tenderness. The way he grinned when he was teasing her, and the way his heart echoed in hers "imzadi" every time they were near. Her heart ached. She love him. She longed for him. But she could not have him. The chime rang to Deanna's quarters. It was her day off so she didn't know who would be visiting her. "Come" she said. Beverly walked through when the door slid open. "Doctor" Deanna said as she rose from her chair. "Did you come to ask my advice on a medical issue?" Deanna teased Beverly, knowing that it was odd for her to have the former head of Starfleet medical on the ship. "No, I think I'm good" Beverly laughed. "Deanna, may I sit down? Do you have a moment?" "Certainly" Deanna said as she put her book down and sat across from Beverly. "I'll get right to the point. I've been talking to Will". "Oh no" Deanna said as she rolled her eyes. "Beverly, with all due respect…" "No, please let me finish, Deanna". Deanna sighed, but sat back in her chair to let Beverly continue. "There's something you don't know that might explain a lot of this" the doctor said. Deanna nodded as if to say continue. "Will was coming to find you that night in the arboretum to tell you something, something important. He had just met with the Captain and Data, and found out something quite…..difficult". Beverly paused and Deanna asked "What was it?" "Well" Beverly cleared her throat "to put it as succinctly as possible, the Deanna that Will was first involved with is the same Deanna he was recently engaged to." She looked at Deanna to see if she was following, but Deanna shook her head, confused. "Deanna," Beverly said "you're both the same person." "What?!" Deanna stood abruptly and laughed. Is this your idea of a joke? I'm the same person as Will's fantasy? What are you talking about?" "No Deanna. It wasn't a fantasy of Will's. That Deanna was just as real as you are. She was you. When the energy beam passed by her in the cave, it" Beverly searched for the word "it reconstructed you. It put you back together the best it knew how with the information it could glean from your mind but gave you a different history entirely. You were, you are Will's Deanna. But when you were resconstructed, you disappeared from everyone's timeline except Will's. None of us remembered you, but he did. Probably because you were Imzadi". The room was quiet for a very long time. All that could be heard was their breathing. Beverly waited to give Deanna a chance to absorb and respond to this news. Finally, she spoke up in a whisper. "My entire past isn't real" she murmured. "No, but its' real to you. It's OK to not forget that" Beverly reassured. "And I was a different Deanna who served here on the Enterprise and knew all of you since the mission to Farpoint station?" Deanna asked as she remembered everything that had been written in Will's journal. "Yes" Beverly said "and I understand that you and I were best friends. Will tells me that you and I used to torture him about playing that damned song Nite Bird with the note he could never quite hit." Deanna smiled remembering something about that in Will's book. "I can see why we would've been best friends" she smiled towards Beverly. "Deanna, I know this is a lot to take in. But none of us cares which past is real to you. We love you and that will never change. Will loves you." "Will" Deanna whispered, realizing all of this must be just as hard on him. "No wonder he didn't tell me. He was trying to spare me the confusion, or maybe he was afraid I would think he was crazy too". "Most likely" Beverly smiled. "But his heart is only for you, Deanna. It only ever has been, and it only ever will be". Deanna looked up at Beverly and knew she was speaking the truth. "Go to him" Beverly encouraged. "But he's on earth" Deanna said. "I know, but you can catch a shuttle ride, we're still not far from there, and he'd love for you to see his Alaska, as he calls it." Deanna smiled. She knew she could never stop loving Will. Not in her timeline, not in the other Deanna's timeline. It was always about Will. "OK" she said as Beverly stood and hugged her. "Good luck" she whispered in Deanna's ear as she turned to leave.

Will arrived to his father's house early in the morning. His father was away on a diplomatic mission, but Thomas was staying there temporarily. "Brother!" Thomas said as he opened the door and helped Will with his bags. "Come in!" Will entered and looked around, inhaling the aroma. "Feels like home" he said as he put his bags down and stretched. "How's Deanna?" Thomas asked. "Why didn't she come with you?" "Because I had to keep her away from you." Will replied, smirking. "Smart move" Thomas said, a sly grin on his face. "She hasn't been around us long enough to tell us apart yet." Will gave Thomas a sideways glance, then grew serious. "She left me" he said. "What? I thought you guys were finally getting married?" Tom asked. "We were, but she found my journal. She read everything. She felt I betrayed her by not telling her. And then I found out that this Deanna is the same Deanna as the other Deanna and….oh hell. I'm totally shit-confused myself". Will grunted. "Yeah, I heard about all that." Thomas said. Dad is on the inside in the fleet and he gets all the news." Then he looked down and thought for a moment. "Will, dad had a small part in making sure you were re-instated as Commander" Tom said as he slapped Will on the back. Will smiled. "Why that old….he really does care!" Tom nodded, and then things grew quiet between them again as Tom could see Will's pain. "She'll come around Will." He said as he placed his hand on Will's arm. "She always does". "I don't think so this time" Will sad sadly. Another moment of silence passed, and then Thomas blurted out "Hey, for now, let's celebrate your promotion. Or remotion. Or whatever the hell it is! This deserves the best!" And he pulled out a bottle of whiskey from behind his back. "Welcome home, brother!"

Deanna stepped off the transporter pad at Starfleet headquarters. She had asked the Captain for a week's shore leave after she finished some important appointments that she'd had and he agreed to it. Even encouraged it after all she'd been through. He whispered to her as she left his office "I hope you're going to see Will". Deanna smiled at the memory. But before she did go and see him, she wanted to stop here. Her former home. She needed to talk to Shereya about all that had happened. "Hey!" Shereya said excitedly as she ran to greet Deanna with a big hug. "I've missed you!" "Are you sure it's me you missed?" Deanna said, sardonically. "Oh Dee, I'm so sorry" Shereaya said as she put her arm around her and Deanna picked up her bag. "I just don't know what to say". "Well, apparently the history we have together isn't really real, while you thought were were being friends, I was supposedly on the Enterprise starting out my job as ship's counselor". "And driving Will crazy, I'm sure" Shereya teased. Deanna only offered a half-smile. "Look, I know it's hard Deanna, but you'll get through this. You're strong. And you and I still have our history together, regardless. That can hardly be taken away now. This made Deanna feel a little better. "Come on, let's go to Frank's" Shereya said as they headed out of fleet headquarters.

"Hey, how many Deannas does it take to screw in a lightbulb?" Will asked in slurred speech as he raised the bottle of whiskey to his brother who was sitting on the floor across from him. " I don't know, Will how many?" A drunk Thomas responded. "Three! One to get it started, one to continue it, and the third one to kick my ass out the door!" "That's not funny Will" Thomas slurred grabbing the bottle from his brother's hand. "I thought it was pretty good." Will said. "Hey Tom, what if there are even more Deannas out there in the universe?" Tom took a swig from the bottle as he swayed back and forth. They had dispensed with the glasses long ago. "Well, that means I could have one!" Thomas piped up. "Yeah, I could have one all to myself!" "You'd like that, wouldn't you brother?" Will said, grabbing the bottle back, taking another swig. "You've always wanted my Deanna". "She's my Deanna too, you know!" Tom said, as he tried to stand up, but quickly fell back down to the floor. Will leaned forward to help him, then fell on his face and groaned. Tom picked the bottle up taking the last swig. "Deanna's got a nice as…" he slurred, simply. "Hey, don't talk about my Deanna like that!" Will scolded as he grabbed the empty bottle back. He turned it upside down and when nothing came out said "we got more of this stuff around here?" "Yeah" Thomas said, "but only if you let me talk about Deanna's a…" "Thomas!" Will shouted. "You're not talking about her backside or any other part of her anatomy!" Will lunged forward to try and grab Thomas, but missed and rolled over onto his side, laughing. "Nice try, brother" Thomas said as he knelt over Will and his eyes grew wide. "Uh-oh" he said, as he grabbed his mouth, then promptly vomited all over his brother's chest.

"I just don't know how to process all of it" Deanna said to Shereya as she placed her chin in her hand and sighed. "And I'm the counselor." "Well, I'm head of starfleet's psychology dept. and even I'm having a hard time processing it" Shereya replied. "You ladies like a drink?" Frank said as the two women were sitting at the bar. "Hey, I know you!" his eyes crinkled as he smiled. "You were a friend of Will's" he said to Shereya "and you're the raven-haired beauty Will fell head over heels for" he said to Deanna. "You two married yet?" Deanna sighed. "No, I broke off the engagement". Frank had a look of consternation on his face. It was obvious he was protective of his old friend. "Then ya broke his heart" Frank mumbled as he turned to serve another customer. Deanna smiled at Shereya. "He doesn't know that's why I'm back here, to come for Will" she said. Another bartender came to greet them and got them their drinks. "He's right Deanna. The whole time Will and I were seeing each other, he was courting you without even realizing it. You were like a magnet to him". Shereya said. Deanna smiled. "And you should've seen him on the ship when we told him what had really happened with the energy beam. He was beside himself. I had to talk to him for several hours to calm him down enough to guide him in how to tell you the news". "He was coming to tell me when he found me in the arboretum" Deanna said at the new realization. "Yes, he was" Shereya replied. "God, I have broken his heart" Deanna sighed, twirling the glass between her fingers. "Shereya, I still love him so much". Shereya placed her hand on Deanna's. "In just a few days, you'll be able to tell him." "If he'll take me back" Deanna said softly. Shereya patted her arm comfortingly as they both took a menu to order their lunch.

Kyle Riker walked through his front door after returning from his mission. He set his bags on the floor and entered the main room. "Good Lord" he said as he saw his two sons passed out on the floor, one smelling and looking disgusting, and two empty whiskey bottles strewn about. He walked over to Will and shook him on the shoulder as Thomas was coming to. "Son" he said. "Son, wake up". Will groaned and then said "Deanna?" "He's got it bad " Tom said as he tried to stand up. "And I see you helped him in his grief" Kyle chided as Tom only smiled. Will opened his eyes. "Dad." He said. Kyle patted him on the shoulder. "Take a shower, Commander, and then we'll talk". Will sat up, smelling a foul order, then looking down at himself. "Damn you Thomas!" he cried. "Sorry brother" Thomas snickered as Kyle helped Will to stand. After a long hot shower Will joined Kyle and Thomas for dinner. "It is good to have both of my sons home" Kyle smiled as he passed the venison stew to Tom. "I'm glad you're both getting along". "Yeah, as long as I don't talk about Deanna's as…" "Thomas!" Will yelled. "God dad, would you tell him to shut up about Deanna's body parts?" Kyle laughed. "Tom, leave your brother's imzadi out of the conversation". "Alright, alright" Thomas sighed. Kyle placed his hand on Will's arm. "Have you heard from her, son?" "No" was all Will said. "She'll come around" Kyle comforted. "I don't think so this time, dad. The whole situation has got us both so screwed up, and deception isn't something Deanna takes well" Will replied. "You didn't mean to deceive her, you thought it best not to tell her". Will sighed and nodded his head. Kyle's heart broke at the despondency in his son's voice, he was so obviously hurting. "Thanks dad for helping to re-instate me to my position" Will offered and Kyle smiled. "When are you going back to the secret service,Tom?" Will asked. "As soon as they need me. For now I'm taking some much needed time off" Tom replied. I'm staying in our old bedroom". "Me too" Will smiled as Thomas cringed. "You ain't sleepin' in my bed, brother". "My bed" Will replied. Kyle and Will laughed as Thomas glared at them. "No, actually dad I was wanting to stay in the cabin out back, just to take some time alone". "Sure, son, but the only heat you'll have this time of year is the fireplace". "no problem," Will said "just get me another bottle of that whiskey."

Will spent a week out back enjoying the solitude of the log cabin, It was cozy and comforting, and he enjoyed working out his frustrations splitting the wood for the fire. He joined Kyle and Thomas for every meal, and he and Thomas would often go into town and raise a ruckus with some of their old friends. But at night, in the dark Alaskan winter nights, he would sleep by the fire and dream of Deanna. He would dream of holding her in his arms, feeling her softness and smelling the scent of her, there on the fur-covered cushion with the warmth of the fire reaching out to caress them. When he awoke in the mornings, he felt as if he'd lost something, as if something precious had been ripped from him. He would ache all over again, then spend more time writing and goofing off with Thomas. It was the last night before he was to return to the Enterprise. He was out back splitting wood in the crisp dark night with the stars his only light. He breathed in the crisp night air as he watched his breath blow puffs when he exhaled. He thought about being first officer again and of how it would feel to don his Starfleet uniform again. "_It will feel wonderful, I think_" he heard in his mind. Will dropped his axe and whipped around to see Deanna standing there, in a light spring jacket, shivering. "Deanna, you'll catch your death out here!" Will said as he quickly took off his coat and placed it around her shoulders. "I've never owned a winter coat." She said, teeth chattering. "I've never needed to" Will put his arms around her shoulders and led her into the cabin. He brushed the snowflakes off her hair and grabbed a blanket to wrap around her, then he led her to the armchair by the fire and gently sat her down. "You'll get warm here" he said as he turned and went and sat in the chair on the other side facing her, rubbing his hands together. For a moment they just sat, looking into each other's eyes. Deanna shivered again as Will jumped up to look for another blanket. "No, Will, I'm fine" she said. "What about some hot tea? I could make you hot tea". Deanna smiled at him and he felt his heart fill slowly with warmth. "No, it's OK Will. I'll be fine". "How did you know where I was?" Will asked as he sat back down in his chair. "I got directions from fleet headquarters as to where your father lived and I stopped at the house." Deanna said. "They told me you were out here". "Thomas didn't try to kiss you?" Will asked, jokingly. "Of course he did" Deanna replied, seriously. Will squared his shoulders as if he were ready to pounce, but Deanna waved her hand. "I stopped him. I knew it couldn't have been you, you wouldn't have tried that the first moment you saw me. Besides I do think he was just trying to be funny". Will mumbled under his breath "I highly doubt it". "Will" Deanna started as she leaned forward in her chair "I've had a lot of time to think, and a lot of good friends to help me through everything that's been going on. It is a painful and difficult situation for us all and I was pretty confused. I still am. But both Beverly and Shereya helped me to see something, that it is just as hard and difficult for you, and you've been doing the best you can to handle it. Even Frank reprimanded me." Will raised his eyebrow at that. "What I'm trying to say is, I don't think I handled things well with you". "And you've come to try and be friends again. No hard feelings, right?" Will said, looking away. Deanna's heart ached at the pain in Will's voice. "No" she said. "I've come because every night when I fall asleep I dream about being in your arms, the feel of you, the scent of you, and every morning when I wake up I feel like I've lost something, as if something precious has been ripped from me." The silence hung in the air as Will slowly turned back to look at Deanna, hope showing in his eyes for the first time in weeks. "Yes, imzadi, I'd like to be with you again, if you'll have me". It took Will no time at all as he jumped up out of his seat and grabbed the blanket-wrapped Deanna and lifted her up to squeeze her tightly to his chest. "Will!" she yelped. "You're crushing me!" "I don't care" he whispered into her hair "I'm never letting you go again". Deanna threw her head back and laughed and Will twirled her around before finally setting her back on the floor as the blanket slid off her. "Does this mean we're still getting married?" he asked. "As married as we can possibly get" Deanna replied. "Wa-hoo!" Will yelled as he twirled her around once more. Deanna laughed again and felt as if she'd been filled to the brim with happiness. "_I love you_" she heard his voice in her mind. "_I love you too, imzadi_" she replied. That night after they'd eaten dinner in his cabin, Will sat on the fur covered cushion in front of the fire with Deanna leaning back in his arms. "My love, I've been thinking" he said "Uh-oh, that sound dangerous" she replied. "Always" Will whispered as he gently placed a kiss on her neck and she tingled all over. "I have come so close to marrying you more than once now, and I've lost you each time. I refuse to lose you again. Let's get married tonight". Deanna sat up and turned to look at him, a puzzled look on her face. "Tonight?" she said. "By whom?" "Captain Picard" he said. Deanna looked around the room as if the Captain must be standing there somewhere. "Huh?" she asked. Will stood up and walked over to his computer terminal. "Right here" he said. "We just call him and he can marry us over the….computer". Deanna tilted her head trying to imagine it. "Huh" she said again. "I suppose it's possible. The Captain is qualified to marry people". A moment passed. "Alright" Deanna said, matter-of-factly. "Oh my god, we're going to get married!" Will exclaimed as he punched in the data to his terminal. "Data can be our witness" Will said. "What about your dad and Thomas?" Deanna asked. Will gave her a sideways glance at the suggestion. "I don't think so. At least not Thomas". Deanna laughed. "OK, Data it is then. And maybe Beverly". "Are you and Beverly friends now?" Will asked. "Oh yes we are. And we have some teasing to catch up on regarding the song nite bird". "Oh boy" Will responded with a twinkle in his eye as Captain Picard came on the viewscreen.

"I'd be happy to help out" Captain Picard said as he squinted and rubbed the sleep out of his eyes with the palm of his hand. "Lord knows the two of you have been dancing around each other for eons, it'll be good to get this out of the way and get on with our lives". The Captain smiled. "Understood, sir" Will replied with a grin on his face. Beverly and Data had arrived after the Captain had called them, Beverly's smile beaming from ear to ear. "I'm glad to see the two of you have finally come to your senses" she scolded. Deanna came onto the viewscreen and said "Thanks, Beverly. For everything". Beverly nodded. "OK" the Captain said. "Let's make this quick. I need to get back to bed". Everyone chuckled. "Deanna, do you have any idea what you're getting yourself into by marrying this man?" the Captain asked. "I do" Deanna replied. "Will, do you have any idea how you should be thanking your lucky stars everyday that you have this woman?" the Captain asked. "I do" Will replied. "Very well, then. I now pronounce you man and wife". Beverly let out a cheer as the Captain laughed and Data tilted his head, taking it all in. Will grabbed Deanna and pulled her close, placing his lips on hers for a sweet and tender kiss. Then he pulled his head back, still holding onto Deanna and said "Thank you Captain". "My pleasure, Number One. We'll be glad to have you both back on board". With that the viewscreen went blank as Will was still holding onto Deanna. He fiddled around in the pocket of his pants and pulled something out. "I believe you lost this" he said as he stepped away and took her hand, placing the engagement ring on her finger. Deanna gasped. "How did you?..." she asked, dumbfounded. "I've kept it in my pocket every day since you threw it down in the arboretum, hoping you'd come back to me." "Oh, Imzadi" Deanna sighed as she leaned in to kiss him again. The kiss was warm and loving, sweet and tender. She drew her head back to look into his eyes. Then he leaned in and kissed her again. She didn't resist. He kissed her again. And again. And as she slowly started to melt into his arms and return his kisses an electricity jolted between them and she shivered all over. Will, his mouth still on hers, slowly drew her towards the fur by the fireplace. His kisses became more insistent as he groaned into her mouth, she parted her lips and he slid his tongue inside. Deanna gasped, her heart beating wildly against her chest. "_Imzadi_" she said, breathless in his mind. He explored the sweetness of her mouth, slid his tongue as deeply as he could go. She tilted her head back and moaned, as his hand slid over her shoulder and down to her waist. He quickly unfastened the buttons on the back of her shirt and with one hand slid it off her while still keeping his mouth on hers. She wrapped her arms around his neck as his fingers began caressing her, slowly, up over her collarbone and up and down her neck. He bent down to kiss her neck where his fingers had been as he slowly pulled both of them down to their knees on the fur. She tilted her head, giving him more access to her neck, as his fingers lightly brushed down across her breast. "Will!" she gasped, as he quickly closed his lips on hers, silencing her with another forceful kiss and her hands clutched and clawed at his shoulders. Deanna was panting, trying to catch her breath. She broke the kiss and looked up into his eyes, with concern. "Will" she whispered. "What is it?" Will said softly, an equal concern on his face. Deanna tried to speak, but found she couldn't find the words, so she spoke it into his mind. "Oh my" Will said when he realized what she was telling him. "I'm sorry,Will". Deanna said. "My God, Deanna, don't be sorry. I realize that I am now even more blessed than the most blessed man in the world." For what Deanna had told him as she held his heart in her hands, was that he, like the first Deanna before her, like the one she used to be, would be her first. In her world, in her timeline, Will would be the first. He rubbed his nose on hers and gave her a sweet smile. She felt so safe with him. "I wish I could be your first too." He said. "You are the first imzadi to me" she giggled as she rubbed his nose back. "I'd better be the only imzadi to you" he warned, smiling. He rested his forehead on hers. "I love you, Deanna. You are my life." And with that he began a very slow and passionate dance with his beloved. It was tender and sweet, and Deanna was in awe of how gentle he could be. He gently pushed her back down onto the fur as he rained kisses over her body and created an ache in her that needed to be touched. All that could be heard were quiet gasps and moans as he brought her to the edge, and then as she trembled beneath him, he lovingly took her, slowly, gently, so tenderly as she arched her body up to meet his. When it was done, he took her in his arms, "Imzadi" he whispered over and over into her hair. He pulled her back as tightly as he could to his body, and she rested her head on his arm. There were no other words needed between them as she tenderly caressed his arm, and they drifted off to sleep together in front of the fire.

The next morning they awoke, warm and snuggled together under the blanket Will had pulled on top of them. "Good morning, Mrs. Riker" Will smiled at her. "Good morning Mr. Troi" Deanna replied back. She yawned and stretched her arms out as Will still held onto her around her waist. "You know we have to go back today" he said. Deanna sighed. "Yeah, I wish we could stay here longer". "Well, I'm just glad we're together. I'll have to have Geordi take down the wall between our quarters so we can live together" he chuckled. "I imagine, from what I understand of our history, that everyone will be really happy that we finally got married" Deanna said. "You know" he said "we probably should have a real wedding so our friends can celebrate with us. Maybe in ten forward. And a party". "I think that would be a good idea" she said. "I'll start making plans as soon as we get back. Maybe with two weddings mother will forego her dream wedding on Betazed". "One can only hope" Will replied. Will and Deanna rose and packed, share a glass of champagne with Kyle and Thomas in celebration after they found out the good news, Will even allowed Thomas to kiss the bride. "Don't make yourselves scarce, now" Kyle had said. "Come back and visit". "I'll have to get a new coat" Deanna said as Will laughed. "We'll toughen you up yet, Deanna" he said as he took her hand and led her out the door. They took a shuttlecraft to fleet headquarters to beam back aboard the Enterprise. But first, they had one other stop to make. "Will!" Frank yelled as soon as he walked through the door. Frank threw his rag down on the bar and ran around to give Will a big slap on the shoulder and a hug. "Welcome back!" "Thanks, Frank" Will replied. Deanna came through the door, and Will noticed Frank giving her a dirty look. "Stand down, buddy" Will said. "She married me". Deanna lifted her hand to show Frank the ring. "Well in that case, welcome back Mrs. Riker!" Frank said as he lifted Deanna up off the floor and twirled her around. Deanna could see why Will was friends with this friendly gregarious bartender. They all went to a table in the back to share a final lunch and share their unbelievable story from beginning to end. "You oughta write a book" Frank winked at Will. "Indeed" Will smiled as he looked to Deanna and squeezed her shoulder tightly. "This is quite a change from the first time I saw you, bud. I think she agrees with you." Will tilted his head and looked at Deanna. "More than you could ever know, Frank." He said. "More than you could ever know." After the three said their final goodbyes, Will and Deanna went back to headquarters where they beamed back aboard the ship to start their new life together.

Meanwhile, on a planet far away the energy lifeform came out for its feeding, and with the help from the android, were able to consume their food source without destroying anything. They communicated among themselves how they wished they could reverse some of the damage they'd done, and how they wanted to travel through the wormhole again to explore what was on the other side. They were grateful to the android for helping them to change the way they existed in the universe.

Everyone who knew Will and Deanna were excited for them and looking forward to the formal wedding. Deanna decided to wait two weeks so they could plan slowly, without feeling pressured. The Friday after they returned was their first poker game and they all gathered in the newlywed's quarters. After a game of poker where Worf folded early, Deanna tried to learn the game, and Data and Will battled it out to the end, they stayed sitting around with table with drinks and snacks, talking and laughing. Eventually the subject came up, awkwardly at first, about what Deanna had been like in Will's timeline. Will decided to share with each of his friends what their experience was like with Deanna. "Geordi, remember after you were tortured and you returned to the Enterprise looking to Beverly for ways to cope? Well, in my past you counseled with Deanna, and she was able to help you heal from that horrible experience. "Well, thank you Counselor" Geordi smiled as he nodded towards Deanna. "Wish I could've been there" Deanna smiled back. "And Worf" Will continued. "Remember when you ended up in those parallel universes and all the unusual things you encountered?" Worf grunted and gave Will a nod. "Well in my past you encountered a universe where you and Deanna were married. When you returned you asked her out, and eventually the two of you became a couple." Deanna's eyes grew wide as she looked at Will. Worf looked at Deanna, a confused expression on his face as if he was sizing her up as a possible mate. "I almost killed you Worf". Will warned. "I would expect no less from you, Commander" Worf agreed. Deanna blushed and smiled as she looked down at her hands in her lap. "And Data, Deanna helped you when you were trying to figure out how to handle Miles and Keiko's relationship when you were standing up in their wedding and they hit a rough spot." "I did not figure that out well and erred in the worst possible way without her" Data said simply. "And my dear friend, Beverly" Will continued. "you were the one who encouraged Deanna to pursue her relationship with Devonani Ral". Will gave Beverly an obvious glare of displeasure. "You mean that con-man who was on board the ship to negotiate the wormhole?" Beverly asked, wide-eyed. "Yes. I mean him." Will sneered. "Oh Deanna, I'm so sorry" Beverly chuckled. "He was a little too…slick, for my taste". "Slick?" Deanna said, offended. "You sent me towards a man who was slick?" Beverly tilted her head and shrugged her shoulders, as if to apologize. "How long did I stay with him, Will?" Deanna asked as she turned to face her fiancé. "Too long as far as I was concerned" Will said as he shuddered at the memory and put his arm around Deanna. Then Will though of Tom and how he had never shared with Deanna about her relationship with him, and he frowned. Later, after everyone grew tired they called it a night, and Deanna and Will began to clean up their quarters.

"My love?" Will said as they both dressed for bed. "Yes?" Deanna said from the bathroom. "There is one more thing I have to tell you. Something that completely slipped my mind in all of this mess and confusion". Deanna walked out of the bathroom pulling a brush through her long silken hair. "What is it?' she asked, concerned. "Well, you know how my brother can barely keep his hands off you?" "Yes, I know" Deanna chuckled as she nodded her head. "Well, that's because at one point he had a relationship with you". Deanna's eyebrows raised so far, they almost came off her head. "What?" she exclaimed. Will took her hand and led her to the chair and gently sat her down. Then he began to explain the whole story, which was almost as weird as his story with her. "Hmmmmm" Deanna said as she digested the new information. "That's why he's imzadi too". Will bristled at the thought, but had to admit to her it was true. "Poor Tom" Deanna said, sadly. "Poor Tom? Do you know how many times he tried to take you away from me? Hell, he's still trying!" "Maybe we could replicate another Deanna for him?" Deanna asked, feigning wide innocent eyes. "Too many Deannas" Will said. "Two is all I can take". At that, Deanna took the pillow from the chair and threw it at him. He ducked and then lunged towards her and grabbed her wrists, pulling her towards the bed. "Careful, Commander, we haven't had our formal wedding yet" Deanna said. "Then we'll do it informally" Will said as he pushed her down to the bed, holding her wrists above her head. She struggled and giggled and they wrestled for a minute before he captured her mouth with his kisses. "God, could any man love you more than I do?" Will murmured in between kisses. "Maybe Tom?" Deanna teased as Will growled and lifted her up on top of him, tickling her. "I don't want to hear that name coming from your mouth again, Counselor. Understood?" Will said gruffly. "Understood, Commander" Deanna whispered seductively, as she leaned down towards him and passionately kissed his lips.

Deanna couldn't believe how nervous she was considering the fact she was already married to this man. But there she stood, looking at herself in the mirror, hands sweating and knees trembling. She looked like a beautiful princess, daughter of the fifth house, holder of the sacred chalice of rixx, heir to the holy rings of Betazed. She wore her royal tiara, and her white satin gown flowed out from her waist in beautiful folds. Her fitted bodice was studded with a million tiny diamonds that covered even the tiny straps that went over her shoulders. She knew she would glitter in the candlelight in ten forward. She made her way there with Beverly who was her maid of honor. Will was just as nervous, looking handsome and stately in his dress uniform, standing beside the Captain, waiting for his bride. "Calm down, number one" the Captain whispered to him. "We've already done this, remember?" Will shook his hands to try and return some circulation to them. He was waiting for his beautiful bride. He wanted to be everything for her, everything to her. The weight of that seemed to hit him hard now. Her happiness was now more important to him than his own. Just then the music began to play and Beverly entered through the door first in her aubergine tea-length dress and bouquet of white roses. Then as she approached Will could see behind her. His breath caught when he saw Deanna, her beauty, multiplied ten-fold in her royal gown and tiara. She looked up at him and their eyes met, neither of them blinking, neither of them breathing, their eyes locked in an eternal embrace as Deanna slowly took her steps up towards him. All were quiet, focused in awe on the bride. Just then, Will saw something. It looked like something was coming in through the door of ten forward. A light of some sort. He tilted his head and squinted, as he saw a beam of light envelop the back of ten forward and start moving forward towards the gathered crowd. He opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out. The beam began sweeping across the crowd, and just as Will lunged to grab Deanna, and the beam passed through her too, passed through Will and the Captain, and continued on out through the other side of the room. Will looked around in surprise. He had felt nothing. Everyone else seemed to have noticed nothing. Deanna was standing beside him. No one seemed to be aware of the light he had seen. Assuming it was his nerves playing tricks on him, Will took Deanna's hand and squeezed it gently. The Captain began speaking as Will looked down at his bride with such love in his eyes. She tilted her head up to look at him as he heard in his mind "_Will, how in the hell did I get here?" _

Then the Captain began "When I first met Will and Deanna just before our mission to Farpoint Station, it was obvious to me and anyone else who saw them that they were still in love with each other…."

"Tell me again" Deanna said, as she sat in Will's extended quarters, feeling her mind fog over in confusion. Will sighed with loving exasperation for his wife and began again. "The energy beam changed you, rearranged your molecules and deposited you with a different past, a different timeline. I'm assuming that the light I saw pass through us was that same energy beam making things right again. Data must've given it enough information to figure out how".

"And in this other timeline, or this other Deanna, you and she were getting married?" "Yes" Will said. "And that's how I ended up in a wedding gown at my own wedding that I knew nothing about standing beside you in front of Captain Picard". "Yes" Will replied. "And the last thing I remember before ending up there was exploring a cave on the planet, looking for a missing crewman." Deanna thought for a moment. "And now we're married". she said simply.

Will smiled. "I can't believe you went through with it, imzadi". "I was confused" Deanna replied, with a wry look on her face. Will chuckled. "Deanna" he said, taking her hand, we were going to get married anyway. It's not that different". "Yes, but I didn't have competition" Deanna replied, in a serious tone. "You're the same woman!" Will exclaimed, a bit frustrated. He had explained this to her several times already. "Yes, but you thought you were going to marry _her_". Will ran his hand through his hair and sighed. "But she was you". He said. "Did you make love with her?" Deanna asked, eyeing him suspiciously. Will could do nothing but laugh at the irony of the situation. He had made love with her, but it was the same woman. "Yes, and you told me it was your first time". he said. Deanna snorted. "She was a liar." "No, really. In that timeline you hadn't….." Will tried to explain. "Wish I could've been there" Deanna smiled. "You were, my love" Will grinned as her took Deanna's hand and lightly brushed his lips across it. "Well, I suppose worse fates could have befallen me than marrying you" Deanna said wryly. "Hey" Will teased as he pulled her to him and enveloped her with his arms. "I've missed you imzadi" he whispered into her hair. "I'm so glad to have you back. Even if you were the same woman, I kind of like the past that we have, even with all its ups and downs". Deanna looked up and smiled at him, her eyes searching his. "I just wish I would've had some time to process all this. But I'm glad I married you. I wouldn't have it any other way" she said as she kissed his nose. He grabbed her tightly and placed his lips on hers and began to kiss her with all the love and passion in his heart. She began to respond and their kisses became deep and heated. After awhile they broke apart. "Imzadi" she said quietly, breathlessly. "I love you and I want you, but this has all been so much and so overwhelming and confusing, I don't know if I can tonight…." "It's OK" Will whispered. "We have the rest of our lives. I love you too".

Deanna went and changed into her nightgown and approached the bed where Will was already lying. He gazed at her, her silky cream nightgown hung gently off her shoulders. "OK this is going to be harder than I thought" he said. Deanna giggled and crawled into bed laying down with her back to him as he gently pulled her in. "I promise to make it up to you" she sighed as she closed her eyes. Will pulled her in tighter, his arm protectively around her and pulled the blanket up over them. "I fully expect that, Mrs. Riker". His universe right again. As he closed his eyes to sleep, he thought about the events of the day, of the past several years. The pain, the shame, the despondency and despair, and then the hope, the love, the restoration, and now he finally he had his Deanna back in his arms again. "Everything is as it should be" William T. Riker thought to himself as he drifted off to sleep.


End file.
